I contacted rabies, doc says I'm homophobic

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

I was visiting my Cousin Gertie in the back bush of the Gatineau when I went out to the jerry in the middle of a night and a crazy raccoon was hiding in the hole and jumped up and bit me on the wangdoodle! It hurt like Jezebel and I was immediately rushed to the hospital where I put under emergency watch for rabies. The doctor told me I was homophobic which apparently is a symptom of rabies. He was clearly a fag since he wears a jewelled earring and spiked his hair with bleach tips, and said I was getting aggressive when he tried examining me and that resisting him won't be tolerated. It's really awful! I keep puking and passing out, and there's all this sticky white stuff on my lips when I come to!
I need emergency help! I might not survive and I'm trapped here with a gay doctor who may be giving me too much morphine.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

You do seem rather unfortunate, Ponce.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Ask around to see if there is a Baptist pastor who could help you.

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

You do seem rather unfortunate, Ponce.

I live in Canada where misfortune is status quo. Our universal healthcare system is a joke. They'll just let any homer put on a lab coat and play doctor. I wish I had an esteemed American doctor like you to examine and me and get me through my rabid malaise.

[MitzaLizalor]

Foaming at the mouth is often seen in rabies cases. It is also a result of demonic possession – but the two are not the same, necessarily, other than a demoniac getting rabies (or vice versa) at the same time.

Mark 9:20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

Perhaps when you come to you could ask the doctor if you had wallowed?

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

Could the raccoon been a demon!?? Oh the morphines getting to me...

[MitzaLizalor]

very likely

pigs can get demons

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

pigs can get demons

And that's how they fly

[MitzaLizalor]

An interesting question. Legion, an avatar of Beelzebub who in turn is something like an ectoplasm of Satan, the less said about which the better, entered into pigs.


Luke 8:33 Then went the devils out of the man, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the lake, and were choked.


Here is a picture of the Sea of Galilee. Note the cliffs. I've added two specimen trajectories for demon possessed swine.



PIG 1 > hot pink arrow > having limited speed, goes over the edge hoof upon snout tumbling into the lake: real rough.
PIG 2 > cinnabar arrow > greater speed carries the pig well airborne, aka flying, as it launches into the water.

So at some stage, all the pigs would fly. Luke, being a physician, adds this detail:

THE PIGS CHOKED.

Mouth foaming in extreme cases will cause choking. Demons cause foaming. Have you at any time, in the care of your doctor, experienced a choking sensation? So that's two questions: has your doctor recorded wallowing? and (two) have you any recollection of choking?

In Christ.

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

Yes, I have felt choking and my doctor has been recording.

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

UPDATE

My throat's been dry and itchy. The contact site has turned green, and my doctor has scolded me for my DIY circumcision. The area is swollen with balanitis and I've been informed if it gets worse, the head will pop off like a champagne cork. Thankfully, I have performed the duties of husbandry and sired some reasonably healthy, albeit ugly daughters. Nonetheless, I need prayers Allons-y!

[MitzaLizalor]

Yes, I have felt choking and my doctor has been recording.

I have no interest in the specifics of your malady. Whether scabrous or itching or blotches all over is immaterial. God blasts whom He will and Jesus is mighty to save.

Galatians 2:8 For he that wrought effectually in Peter to the apostleship of the circumcision, the same was mighty in me toward the Gentiles

Satan has an overwhelming interest in the anogenital regions, being nearest in residual fragrances to his otherwise domain.

Revelation 20:10 And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

Afflicted persons rejecting Love, the perfect love beyond human comprehension, launch themselves into a retribution similarly beyond our ken because they dared to say Not Today, thank you, I already have a Significant Other. BANG! Right there. Not loving Him back is the most foul thing, eventually even a skeleton fades away but Jesus never forgets and fleeting ulcers, wallowing, foaming at the mouth, scabies, rabies and even hydatids however distressing, are mere harbingers of His assured response. It's right there in The Bible. If only they had said Yes.

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

My dear I may die. And even as my fingers turn green that I must dictate this to my definitely not gay doctor who definitely did not have inappropriate insertions with me. I say yes. Yes to Jesus. My mission was to give first class Amazon service with a bowtie and smile, and may I continue to service the angels in Heaven shall I croak.

[MitzaLizalor]

I didn't think rabies turned you green. Perhaps you have The Botch Of Egypt?

Gangrene was a possibility but now I'm not sure. If you're going green and feel like croaking there may well be a witch somewhere trying to turn you into a frog.

What denomination it the hospital chaplain?

[Q.Ponce Frottage]

there may well be a witch somewhere trying to turn you into a frog[/COLOR][/U][/COLOR].

My dear, I am Quebecois, technically already a faux frog.