[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

Perhaps he meant ¨hare¨? They do quite nice in pies. B.t.w., do you shave?

Hello, Roland -

Why, I never even considered hare, like in rabbit - silly me! Hare and hair are homophones! In case you're wondering, "homophones" are words that are pronounced alike but with different spellings; they are not same-sex telephones that fornicate with one another, or to be confused with "homosexuals" (although any word with the "homo" prefix tends to make me uneasy). I wanted to explain this fully as it seems you might be a retarded, according to your profile.

Yes, I do shave. Mr. McIrish demands that I shave his stubbly face every day the old-fashioned way using a straight razor and homemade shaving soap (unscented, of course). He would do it himself except his hands shake so dreadfully in the mornings until he has his coffee-and-Bailey's.

In Christ,
Mrs. Paddy McIrish

[Roland]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

Hello, Roland -

[...]

In Christ,
Mrs. Paddy McIrish

Hello Mrs Irish,

Thank you for the explanation. I (and I reckon you) and the Bible agree that we should avoid confusions. Hebrews 13:8

Kind regards,

Roland

[Faith_Machine]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

Mrs McIrish, I'm terribly sorry you're stuck with that drunken Papist husband.

It would be an awful shame if you were shaving him with that straight razor and your hand slipped.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

It would be an awful shame if you were shaving him with that straight razor and your hand slipped.

Oh, Brother FM, what a terrible thought! I am wracked with agony at the very idea!

I will be sure to pray diligently for a steady hand and a pure heart during Mr. McIrish's morning shave ... and let the Holy Spirit guide the blade as It will.

[Young Peter]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

That is not the only kind of accident that might happen to the alcoholic mean husband of a beautiful virtuous young woman. There are all kinds of things that could happen.

(Call me)

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

That is not the only kind of accident that might happen to the alcoholic mean husband of a beautiful virtuous young woman. There are all kinds of things that could happen. (Call me)

I'm sure you're quite right, Brother! The world is a terrible, sinful, unpredictable place; thankfully, those obedient to God's Word will have a place in Jesus' Kingdom, where worldly afflictions are meaningless. Praise Him!!!

I would be happy to call you! Do you prefer to be called Brother Peter, Brother Young, Brother Young Peter, Brother YP, or just plain Peter? (Personally I like a nice, plain Peter without any adornments, but as a mere woman my opinion doesn't really matter, does it? )

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Re: A humble reintroduction.

Dear Mrs. Mick;

What's all this about you having "step-children?" How many times have you whored yourself out to papist men? How many neighborhood "fathers" have plowed your field? How many pieces of statuary are scattered about in your home, waiting to be bowed to and praised instead of Jesus?

I'd like to hear a little more about your potato lifestyle before welcoming you onto God's favorite forum. I don't trust a Irishman.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

Hello again, Pastor Ezekiel!

Yes, I am Mr. McIrish's second wife. The woman to whom he was previously married started slutting around with neighborhood men after their children were made in a lab (I heard rumors that they were in some sort of motorcycle gang - the men, that is, not the children), so Mr. McIrish divorced her. A few years later, he became acquainted with my father who then arranged our marriage. According to Luke 16:18, I suppose that makes my husband an adulterer ... unless his situation falls under the guidance of Matthew 5:32, which allows for the putting away of wives in cases of fornication? But anyway, my husband's offspring became my step-children, whom I am trying to raise in a good Christian manner, although most days I would prefer to dash them against the stones as per Psalm 137:9.

Before I married Mr. McIrish, I was a virgin, of course (1 Corinthians 7:2) ...

Oh dear, there are many upon many statues, paintings, and other likenesses of "saints" peppering the entire house. At last count I found 36 renderings of the Virgin Mary alone. At the gentle urging of the Holy Spirit, I have been removing them one-by-one over the past couple of weeks. This must be done gradually so that Mr. McIrish doesn't notice (not very difficult since he's in his cups more often than not, "worshipping" the Jameson!).

I, of course, only worship and praise in accordance with Exodus 20:3 ...

It is very difficult and heartbreaking to be married to a Mary-hailing shant like Mr. McIrish, but I know that with prayer and obedience to the LORD my husband will see the Light and start walking the righteous path of a True Christian man!

Humbly Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Paddy McIrish