Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Hello everyone

The name is Chester but everyone calls me Chubbs. I'm a friendly bloke and it feels nice to get along with everyone you know what I'm saying?


Anyways I am experimenting with Christianity because I believe it could somewhat help me deal with a problem I am facing in my personal life. I genuinely seek the wise counsel of you good and wise folk that seem extremely well-versed in the Bible.


I have been lurking around these forums a while and finally decided to open an account. You folks might seem a bit harsh but I kinda like it when you quote from the Bible. It seems the right medicine for healing one's soul. I have to confess I never been to a church or anything religious in a very very long time. Like not even once.


I am sorry I never read the Bible either. Used to make fun of it all these years but from what I've found on your forums, there seems to be a grain of truth in this book after all. I am sure Jesus ain't all that bad. I wanna know more about him and I believe he could possibly save me.


I am sorry about my God-mocking ways but I really wanna turn over a new leaf or something. I seek the companionship and counsel of you friendly folks and help me through my present crisis which I am about to discuss.


Here's a specific problem that I want you to help me with. The ladies might not wanna read beyond this sentence as it's inappropriate.


Problem:
I believe that I am under the constant influence of a succubus (female demon). She controls my life, saps all my energy and makes me wanna do freaky things. I seek a life of perversion not because I enjoy it but this bitch demon keeps me in a state of constant arousal.


I wanna do productive things like find a regular job, clean myself up (stop using reefers and LSD) and become a good person. I am a drug addict but wasn't always like this. I mean it wasn't so bad earlier. But this succubus has been influencing me for near like 10 to 15 years. As you wise folk might be aware, these demons can be very powerful. It isn't easy to tell them to leave.


I know I am a sinner but I would seek the counsel of you good folk in helping me drive this succubus out of my life.


--


What else about me? Well I have many hobbies. I am a good golfer despite my young age. I love being at the Green and love the outdoors. I am an artiste that likes to paint beautiful drawings.


I spent over five years in Europe. That's where I acquired my Bohemian tastes in everything I have, you know what I am saying?


Good day to y'all once again.
YIC (is that how you say it?)
Chubbs

[funcouple]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

welcome
there are many good people on here

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

welcome
there are many good people on here

Thanks 4 the welcome.


Is those ***perverted passage removed*** infinity.


Damn it's the demon-infested brain talking, if you'll excuse me now. This is the exact struggle I am having at the moment.

[Morton Weinstein]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Chubbs,


The answer to all of your questions is Jesus. No matter what the question is, just trust in Christ and He will handle it. I was born a Joo and He even took care of that. He blessed me with a handsome face, a kind heart, and a patient, longsuffering attitude once I gave my life to His service.


No matter how scarlet were your sins, He will wash you in His Blood and cleanse your heart. I do have a word of warning:


If you aren't sincere about your desire to live for Jesus, Hell awaits those who mock Him and the wrath of the people here will be almost as bad. I suggest a good 24 hours of prayer and reading the Bible from cover to cover as a good start.


Morton W.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Chubbs,


The answer to all of your questions is Jesus. No matter what the question is, just trust in Christ and He will handle it. I was born a Joo and He even took care of that. He blessed me with a handsome face, a kind heart, and a patient, longsuffering attitude once I gave my life to His service.


No matter how scarlet were your sins, He will wash you in His Blood and cleanse your heart. I do have a word of warning:


If you aren't sincere about your desire to live for Jesus, Hell awaits those who mock Him and the wrath of the people here will be almost as bad. I suggest a good 24 hours of prayer and reading the Bible from cover to cover as a good start.


Morton W.

Thank you brother Wienstein I appreciate the kind words.


Speaking of Jews, I haven't filed my IRS returns in a while as I was overseas. You see I wasn't technically earning anything. Does the Bitcoint income count?


I'm kinda broke but will pay your lawyer fees as long as you can get me a tax-free moratorium or something.


YIC (I'm trying)
Chubbs

[Morton Weinstein]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

So you're 50 miles from Manhattan? I will send you an address by private message; if you can stop by and ask for Jonah Mervinstern I will let him know not to charge you - this once. Of course, anything unusual will incur a fee. Don't worry! We'll be gentle!


Enjoy the free pizza in the reception area. It's fresh.

[Isabella White]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I suggest a good 24 hours of prayer and reading the Bible from cover to cover as a good start.
Morton W.

Oh, dear Morton: Thank you for your attempt to help our new friend, Chubbs. However, I should mention that, considering his trouble with just one verse of Scripture, he will be unable to read the in much detail, let alone from "cover to cover", and certainly not for a 24-hour period of time. But I do thank you for making the very helpful suggestion.

A blessed day to you, dear Morton,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Oh, dear Morton: Thank you for your attempt to help our new friend, Chubbs. However, I should mention that, considering his trouble with just one verse of Scripture, he will be unable to read the in much detail, let alone from "cover to cover", and certainly not for a 24-hour period of time. But I do thank you for making the very helpful suggestion.

A blessed day to you, dear Morton,
Sincerely, Isabella W.

I finished Genesis Chapter 1. I understood some of that.


The following passages confuse me.


Genesis 1:6 - And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
Genesis 1:7 - And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.


What is a firmament? How do you divide the water along the skyline?


Genesis 1:13 - And the evening and the morning were the third day.


Duh! Doesn't every day have an evening and a morning?


Genesis 1:20 - And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.


I don't understand this passage but whatever dude. Likewise I don't understand anything from Genesis 1:23-27.


Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.


I understand this one. God tells the creatures to have sex.


Genesis 1:30 - And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.


How can a 'erb be a meat? Well the drug dealers I know of sometimes refer to their premium stuff as "meat." I don't know this one is confusing.


All in all I finished the first chapter of Genesis only if I knew what around half of it meant. But I did as I was told.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Does anyone have a spare copy of Mr Hahn's book that they could lend to this young lady?

Unfortunately Mrs Johnson borrowed our copy for her youngest grandson, and when she returned it, we had to burn it. The few pages that he hadn't eaten were covered in some sort of substance that didn't bear too much investigation. Honestly, I sometimes think that no good deed goes unpunished in this world.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I finished Genesis Chapter 1. I understood some of that.


The following passages confuse me.


Genesis 1:6 - And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
Genesis 1:7 - And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.


What is a firmament? How do you divide the water along the skyline?


Genesis 1:13 - And the evening and the morning were the third day.


Duh! Doesn't every day have an evening and a morning?


Genesis 1:20 - And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.


I don't understand this passage but whatever dude. Likewise I don't understand anything from Genesis 1:23-27.


Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.


I understand this one. God tells the creatures to have sex.


Genesis 1:30 - And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.


How can a 'erb be a meat? Well the drug dealers I know of sometimes refer to their premium stuff as "meat." I don't know this one is confusing.


All in all I finished the first chapter of Genesis only if I knew what around half of it meant. But I did as I was told.

Friend, the Bible was written so the simplest of minds could comprehend it.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Friend, the Bible was written so the simplest of minds could comprehend it.

Well I don't understand many of these words, and that's just the first chapter of Genesis.


I mean who talks like this in the real world? How am I supposed to know

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Does anyone have a spare copy of Mr Hahn's book that they could lend to this young lady?

[ATTACH]28122[/ATTACH]

.

Why do you imply that I am retarded when no one is using words like "firmanent", "thou", Thee", "ye" and "yonder" around me?

I might recall the meaning of a few of these shockers from an eight-grade poetry class or something but I'm still lost. Literature isn't really my strong suit although I love me some history.


I still don't know what firmament means. Here's what it shows on Google search. Ok so it means a blue sky. Again where is the water in the sky? Then there's another meaning where a firmament means a collection of people. But doesn't the Bible say that people did not exist when God was busy creating the firmament and waters.


fir·ma·ment

/ˈfərməmənt/Learn to pronounce




nounLITERARY

[COLOR=#878787 !important]noun: firmament; plural noun: firmaments

• the heavens or the sky, especially when regarded as a tangible thing.
  synonyms:the sky, heaven, the blue, the wide blue yonder, the azure, the heavens, the skies; More
  • a sphere or world viewed as a collection of people.
    [COLOR=#878787 !important]"one of the great stars in the American golfing firmament"[/COLOR]

[/COLOR]

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Well I don't understand many of these words, and that's just the first chapter of Genesis.


I mean who talks like this in the real world? How am I supposed to know

Normal, rational Christians. People who take the time, and make a smidgeon of effort to learn !



See this is a perfect example of what happens when parents pander to children and do not use the rod. They use baby talk and keep is super simple (The KISS principle).

My kids learned to read and write by the time they could walk. If one was unable to recite the Bible, they also did not get to eat my food. No one gets a free ride. It makes people weak. My kids stand proud today as True Christians. As do my grand kids, great grand kids and the others.


2nd Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

2 Peter 1:21 For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.

Habakkuk 2:2 And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

Jeremiah 36:2 Take thee a roll of a book, and write therein all the words that I have spoken unto thee against Israel, and against Judah, and against all the nations, from the day I spake unto thee, from the days of Josiah, even unto this day.

John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Normal, rational Christians. People who take the time, and make a smidgeon of effort to learn !

What language is this: True American? I tried looking it up at Wikipedia. Should have been somewhere between Tibetan and Turkish?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

It's interesting to note that another language omitted by Wikipedia (that apotheosis of reliable information), and one which should appear between Tongva and Tzes, is Troll.