[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

For one and all, gave a happy fourth of July. I appreciate your efforts to help me understand the Bible. Although I still don't feel the connection with the book, let me assure you that I am sincere in my efforts. You have to understand that I was raised not to believe in any religions. However I was Catholic for a while. I mean I loved enjoying the wafer and wine and everything. But that was a very long time ago.

Toodles

[Isabella White]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I finished Genesis Chapter 1. I understood some of that. The following passages confuse me.


Genesis 1:6 - And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
Genesis 1:7 - And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

What is a firmament? How do you divide the water along the skyline?

Genesis 1:13 - And the evening and the morning were the third day.

Duh! Doesn't every day have an evening and a morning?

Genesis 1:20 - And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

I don't understand this passage but whatever dude. Likewise I don't understand anything from Genesis 1:23-27.

Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

I understand this one. God tells the creatures to have sex.

Genesis 1:30 - And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

How can a 'erb be a meat? Well the drug dealers I know of sometimes refer to their premium stuff as "meat." I don't know this one is confusing.

All in all I finished the first chapter of Genesis only if I knew what around half of it meant. But I did as I was told.

Oh, my goodness. I've just read through the latest messages, and I can't believe what's transpired since the time I started making my mayonnaise. I'm very happy that you are attempting to read the , but I'm amazed (well, not really all that much, though) that you're having so much trouble understanding the very first few verses of Holy Scripture. Just wait until you reach the "begats"!

Now, then, for the words that you do not understand, you can always use a DICTIONARY. And please do not bother saying you don't want to use it. It's a tool that is there for your help, so just use it. And if you can create an account on this blessed site and navigate your way around it, then I expect that you know how to use a SEARCH ENGINE. And if you don't know what that is, then you can look that up in the DICTIONARY, too.

We're more than happy to help you, as you can see from the many very kind, cheerful responses that you've received, but I'm sure that most of us are occupied with many other tasks. Please do not get offended by that. The truth is that YOU need to take the very seriously. We are unable to help you with every syllable that seems confusing, but we do welcome your questions. I hope that clarifies a few things for you.

Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

It's interesting to note that another language omitted by Wikipedia (that apotheosis of reliable information), and one which should appear between Tongva and Tzes, is Troll.

Too bad if you're implying that I came here to troll. That is simply not true. I got blind sided by those insanely difficult words used by you and a few other members on this forum. I live in a block filled with Jews, Guidos, Latinos, AfAms and immigrants. It would not make practical sense to speak Chaucer in my surroundings.


Doesn't one of the verses of the Bible say: "O ye of little faith: why are ye so full of doubt?" or something like that. I do know a few like that and Psalm 23.


Seeing that you live in Jolly Old there's no point in wishing you a July the fourth. Well your team lost the match on that day in the 17th century.

Good day to you.

[Isabella White]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Too bad if you're implying that I came here to troll. That is simply not true. I got blind sided by those insanely difficult words used by you and a few other members on this forum. I live in a block filled with Jews, Guidos, Latinos, AfAms and immigrants. It would not make practical sense to speak Chaucer in my surroundings.

Doesn't one of the verses of the Bible say: "O ye of little faith: why are ye so full of doubt?" or something like that. I do know a few like that and Psalm 23.

Seeing that you live in Jolly Old there's no point in wishing you a July the fourth. Well your team lost the match on that day in the 17th century.

Good day to you.

Dear Mr. Chubbs: I realize that this is between you and Sister Joanna, but I do feel that I must inform you that our beloved Sister Joanna is one of our more benevolent members. It appears that you have misunderstood her kind generosity, and I do hope that you can find it within your heart to apologize to Sister Joanna for your most unkind accusation. And I should mention that your statement, "your team lost the match" is not received in the spirit of kindness; however, I do wish you a most pleasant day.
Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Just for the record: you know when it rains, don't you? You see WATER falling from the SKY. And you keep asking what is the water from the sky.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Dear Mr. Chubbs: I realize that this is between you and Sister Joanna, but I do feel that I must inform you that our beloved Sister Joanna is one of our more benevolent members. It appears that you have misunderstood her kind generosity, and I do hope that you can find it within your heart to apologize to Sister Joanna for your most unkind accusation. And I should mention that your statement, "your team lost the match" is not received in the spirit of kindness; however, I do wish you a most pleasant day.
Sincerely, Isabella W.

I appreciate Sister Joanna's efforts to translate the Bible to me in easy words. "your team lost the match", I am sorry I didn't mean malice in that statement.


All I meant was that English people do not celebrate the fourth of July so there's no point in wishing them that day.


Ma'am, I would like to mention that I have lived in rain-bitten England. So long till the crumpets started blackening my teeth and I never really got used to so much tea. I mean they have tea in the morning, afternoon, evening, night and before bedtime. Then they play cricket and rugby. Then they have some more tea. It's crazy but true.


I have nothing but heartfelt warmth for our long distant colonial cousins.


But why should I speak Chaucer's language to butter them up?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Thank you brother Wienstein I appreciate the kind words.

Speaking of Jews, I haven't filed my IRS returns in a while as I was overseas. You see I wasn't technically earning anything. Does the Bitcoin income count?

I'm kinda broke but will pay your lawyer fees as long as you can get me a tax-free moratorium or something.

YIC (I'm trying)
Chubbs

I see a problem here. Your grasp of God's Word is minimal. You seem to have multiple problems and no funds.

Landover requires tithing members, not half-assed basket cases.

I was about to write, "You remember Paul's words to Timothy in 1Tim:5 about supporting widows?" then I remembered that you probably don't recall what happened a few hours ago. The basics are that you have lived an exemplary life, been a member of the Church, and have, through no fault of your own, fallen on hard times. Then, and only then, the Church may offer help at a minimal level. To do more would be to defy God's Commands.

I suggest that you find some sucker to bankroll you for a while. You may consider getting yourself to some outfit that calls itself a church but is little more than a social club for the superstitious and ignorant who, like you, are devoid of imagination to solve their own problems and lack all spirit to attempt suggested solutions.

Once you have amassed a good sum of money, and a basic understanding of Jesus, return and put your case coherently and sincerely. There are good people here who have a direct line to God and can lead you to Salvation in this World and the Next.

In the meantime, I have received complaints form several members that you brutal frankness is offensive: you speak with Jesus about your congenital vileness - he is the CEO and will advise you. We will then be in a position to help in accordance with His Wishes.

As salacious as your story is, at the moment it is not a story that can fall within the principles upon which Landover is founded.

I have personally ordered 8 shunnings this year - the paperwork alone is enough to try the patience of a saint - I don't want to have to do it again.


YIC
E Bathfire (Pastor)

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Dear Mr. Chubbs: I realize that this is between you and Sister Joanna, but I do feel that I must inform you that our beloved Sister Joanna is one of our more benevolent members. It appears that you have misunderstood her kind generosity, and I do hope that you can find it within your heart to apologize to Sister Joanna for your most unkind accusation. And I should mention that your statement, "your team lost the match" is not received in the spirit of kindness; however, I do wish you a most pleasant day.

Oh Sister, thank you, but I think this young person is laboring under the misapprehension that where people currently reside = their nationality/loyalty. I am blessed by this ignorant persecution: Matthew 5:10.

Seeing that you live in Jolly Old there's no point in wishing you a July the fourth. Well your team lost the match on that day in the 17th century.

1776 was in the 18th century. You seem to have a general problem with the concept of centuries though, don't you?

Not really a church anymore it's become a notorious tourist trap, I got me a beautiful French hat right near where the pews are. Back in the 17th century (1775~1790 era) <nope, that's the 18th century>, they had a Revolution too just like we did in America. So they did away with most forms of Christianity by the 18th century (around 1850 or something) <and that would be the 19th century>.

Were you educated in England? If so then I will concede that your ignorance is not necessarily your fault.

Speaking of teams winning the match, though, the USA women's soccerball team beat the Godless English last night - and how we cheered and hollered, along with our fellow-Americans, every time the English were penalized! And how the English losers whined, saying it was unsporting behavior.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Oh Sister, thank you, but I think this young person is laboring under the misapprehension that where people currently reside = their nationality/loyalty. I am blessed by this ignorant persecution: Matthew 5:10.

My bad! But you did sound like

Lady Spen-s

uh

. Honest mistake.

Speaking of teams winning the match, though, the USA women's soccerball team beat the Godless English last night - and how we cheered and hollered, along with our fellow-Americans, every time the English were penalized! And how the English losers whined, saying it was unsporting behavior.

Thankfully I never got used to soccerball either, consider it worse than tea.


Why would I want to watch women play soccer? I'd rather watch the paint dry.


I don't mind the Wimbledon though, including the women's events.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I see a problem here. Your grasp of God's Word is minimal. You seem to have multiple problems and no funds.

I have a trust fund that supports my meager YouTube income. I also deal in crypto-currency. Believe me that's gonna hit the jackpot very soon, people are minting ethereum and I am going to be an early investor in Facebook's new cryptocurrency.


I am broke in the sense that I don't have a regular job because I don't like to work for others. Enterpreneur maybe?

Landover requires tithing members, not half-assed basket cases.

Oh so it's a paid club. You should have told me before. I get it. I know a lot of churches are sponsored by their members but if you consider enrolling me, I'll make my fair donation. No trouble at all. Do you accept Bitcoins?

In the meantime, I have received complaints form several members that you brutal frankness is offensive: you speak with Jesus about your congenital vileness - he is the CEO and will advise you. We will then be in a position to help in accordance with His Wishes

You're supposed to provide spiritual solutions as a pastor. However, I respect your freedom of choice.


I do realize it is a very disgusting condition and many people, pastor or not, wouldn't be very comfortable discussing it.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I would like to say thank you to Team Landover for helping me with my original mission.

You see I did not touch my junk for the past 24 hours that I have been chatting with you. That's nothing short of a miracle.


Another 48 hours and I will have been cured of this disgusting condition.


I have gone to great lengths to stop this disgusting habit. I'm not stepping outdoors so that I don't run into any new women. My iPhone's been shut all this while. When it comes to curing myself of this succubus, I mean it seriously.


I can't even go to other parts of the Internet which are filled with pornography.


Believe me, I am having a conversation with Jesus Christ. He is what guided me to your Godly forums.


Yic,
Chubbs

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

I'd rather watch the paint dry.

I don't mind the Wimbledon though...

Just out of curiosity, what is your native language? Because it very obviously isn't American.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Just out of curiosity, what is your native language? Because it very obviously isn't American.

What is American? You mean American English? Of course, I am a native speaker. I don't even see where's the confusion here.

Do you speak Brooklyn? American makes as much sense as Brooklyn if you want to count it as an independent language.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Mr. Chubby:


I will thank you to mind your tone when talking to a True Christian(TM) woman on this forum. While they are ignorant like most women, they are not AS ignorant as someone who hasn't been saved by the Blood of Jesus. Therefore, they deserve our respect and reverence. I'll have you know I'm well built and not afraid to defend our womenfolk.


We have all treated you with kindness and love. It's time for you to show the same level of respect that you've been shown. And what person doesn't know about the American language? Someone born in a foreign land, mostly. But many countries have a command of American because they know how important it is to speak God's language.


There is thin ice beneath your feet, and falling through that ice sends you to the pits of Hell for aye and aye. I am praying that you develop a contrite spirit - one that allows you to beg forgiveness of our LORD GOD and the brethren here. Won't you?


In sincere friendship,
BrotherLarry

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Re: Hiya friends it feels nice to be here

Mr. Chubby:


I will thank you to mind your tone when talking to a True Christian™ woman on this forum. While they are ignorant like most women, they are not AS ignorant as someone who hasn't been saved by the Blood of Jesus. Therefore, they deserve our respect and reverence.

I have shown nothing but respect here to everyone including this Englishwoman, Joanna. I just said it'd be meaningless to sned her Happy fourth of July wishes. Wouldn't she rather appreciate something else, like a basket of gourmet teas and crumpets?


Can you Point out where I used the word "ignorant" to describe her or anyone else.

I'll have you know I'm well built and not afraid to defend our womenfolk.

You Sir, have challenged me to an old-fashioned pugilistic encounter. In simpler words, a duel. Seeing that you're from within driving distance, I am pleased to inform you that I accept the challenge. Time and venue?


I must warn you in advance though. From the moment I stopped touching my junk I have noticed a renewed confidence inside me. Every cell of my body is bouncing and beaming at the prospect of shattering your rib cage. So you better get your karate chops in order, pal.


Unless you back off which I am sure you will. This is a new me and you will have a competent adversary.

There is thin ice beneath your feet, and falling through that ice sends you to the pits of Hell for aye and aye. I am praying that you develop a contrite spirit - one that allows you to beg forgiveness of our LORD GOD and the brethren here. Won't you?

I did say that I'm on the side of Christianity.




YIC
Chubbs