Born again

[MAYATOLA]

Greetings fellow Christians!
I am so blessed to have found a website so full of knowlegable true Christians whose behavior I am sure is Bible based! I have to confess to be ignorant; although born again three times and baptized by total immersion once at a Baptist church in southern Illinois I really don't know if I am saved or whether this is an illusion. Your insight is greatly appreciated.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Born again

Please tell us about yourself. How old are you? What's your husband's favorite pie?

I'm sure some of the Ladies of Landover will want to ask you a few things.

[MAYATOLA]

Re: Born again

Pastor,
Praise Jesus! I do not keep track of how old I am as it is irrelevant to anything. I do believe though that I am old enough to be your mother if you are indeed 25. Such a sweet looking child you are, too! I bet she is proud of you even though you hate her like the Good Lord Jesus commanded you to. As for my husband, he is an atheist and he loves apple pie.
We both have joined then left the GOP as it is far too liberal for us. They are not in favor of our army unleashing the fury of the Lord in the form of nuclear weapons on the unsaved moslems for example. Also they have recruited a black man to head their party. What is up with that?
My job on earth has been to keep the unsaved from procreating. When I
am in contact with an unsaved person, I promote abstinance. If s/he insists on having sex and are not saved, I give him/her all the best contraception available.
When i am working with a couple who accepts Jesus and is a Baptist I remind them of their duty to have children.
I am now telling all my Baptist couples about Landover, since our local Baptist minister is quite likely a queer. God have mercy on his soul!

[Max Bayes]

Re: Born again

Pastor,
Praise Jesus!

Don't you dare assume that by offering praise to the Lord that we are so easily fooled by your deception, Harlot. You think that just because you write some jibberish down that we believe in it? Who do you take us for, Papists?

I do not keep track of how old I am as it is irrelevant to anything.

I think you'll find Satan taking great interest as your blackened soul tip toes ever closer to his infernal embrace.

I do believe though that I am old enough to be your mother if you are indeed 25. Such a sweet looking child you are, too!

Beware, Pastor! This lust-craved monster is fuelled by her dark desires for incestuous paedophilia! I've read about people like you in the Daily Mail, you make me sick.

I bet she is proud of you even though you hate her like the Good Lord Jesus commanded you to. As for my husband, he is an atheist and he loves apple pie.

You harlot! You claim to be a Christian, yet you lie with a hell-bound heretic? When the final reckoning upon you, do you honestly think that God will simply overlook your desire to love Satan and all his followers?

We both have joined then left the GOP as it is far too liberal for us. They are not in favor of our army unleashing the fury of the Lord in the form of nuclear weapons on the unsaved moslems for example.

God didn't make Nuclear Weapons. Einstein did. Fact. You just wish to take the cowards way out, the atheist way out, and just nuke the lot of them with this dirty, un-Godly weapon. To truly do God's work, one must use the sword! But then, what would a Dawkins-bedding whore know about honour and bravery?

Also they have recruited a black man to head their party. What is up with that?

He may be dark on the outside, but inside, you are blacker than Obama himself, hussy.

My job on earth has been to keep the unsaved from procreating. When I
am in contact with an unsaved person, I promote abstinance. If s/he insists on having sex and are not saved, I give him/her all the best contraception available.

The only contraception you should be giving involves a pair of sheers and a tube of superglue.

When i am working with a couple who accepts Jesus and is a Baptist I remind them of their duty to have children.

Jesus doesn't want you near any Baptists; nor their children, scum!

I am now telling all my Baptist couples about Landover, since our local Baptist minister is quite likely a queer. God have mercy on his soul!

Good. The more that come, the more we can keep away from you and your love of Satan. We should rename you to the Devil's Bike.

[Talitha]

Re: Born again

Greetings Mayatola.
Your name sounds a bit Furrin.
You're not a Furriner ARE YOU?

[MAYATOLA]

Re: Born again

My, Mr. Max Bayes, you certainly have an insect crawling up your anus! Now as for being a papist, nonsense; my German ancestors who settled in the upper midwest of God's chosen country, the United States in the late 1840's disowned the Catholic persuasion. As for harlotry, being a whore or a pedophile, what utter nonsense! I was born again! And it is my husband who is an atheist, not I. Judging form your spelling I would suspect you are a resident of the United Kingdom.
As for myself, I was born in the United States and have never travelled outside its borders. Mayatola was the nickname of a beloved cat, now deceased; the name is truly a neologism.

[Max Bayes]

Re: Born again

My, Mr. Max Bayes, you certainly have an insect crawling up your anus!

Better an insect than the black, charred phallus of Satan himself!

Now as for being a papist, nonsense; my German ancestors who settled in the upper midwest of God's chosen country, the United States in the late 1840's disowned the Catholic persuasion.

Germans? Here? On God's favourite forum?

As for harlotry, being a whore or a pedophile, what utter nonsense! I was born again! And it is my husband who is an atheist, not I.

I think you'll find your former comment is contradicted by the latter, harlot.

Judging form your spelling I would suspect you are a resident of the United Kingdom.

Judging from yours, I would suspect you aren't. Or that you ever attended school.

As for myself, I was born in the United States and have never travelled outside its borders.

Honestly. God showers you with the gift of American Citizenship from birth, and what do you do? You shove it back in his face and marry an Atheist. Some of us have to work for the right to be an American!

Mayatola was the nickname of a beloved cat, now deceased; the name is truly a neologism.

Everybody knows that only dogs (and humans, of course) have souls.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Born again

As for myself, I was born in the United States and have never travelled outside its borders. Mayatola was the nickname of a beloved cat, now deceased; the name is truly a neologism.

Friend,

You are welcome to the forum in fellowship but please avoid dirty words "neologism". We would hate to turn into anal retentive nit pickers because some people have potty mouths.

[MAYATOLA]

Re: Born again

So "dirty words" are ones with which you folks are not familiar? This is laughable. This is as laughable as this young fellow Max, who, given his birthdate is also young enough to be my child behaving like a 12 year old and making insinuations about my behavior of which he knows nothing. My husband became an atheist several years after we we married. Jesus died for your sins, Max; have you accepted him into your heart? Have you been baptized into the Blood of the Lamb? Say whatever you wish; Christ is in my heart and the words of children born in the 1980's concurrent with the appearance of HIV will not affect the ultimate disposition of those born again. God Bless all of you,

[Nobar King]

Re: Born again

What are you talking about? Did you cause the AIDS?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Born again

Greetings fellow Christians!
I am so blessed to have found a website so full of knowlegable true Christians whose behavior I am sure is Bible based! I have to confess to be ignorant; although born again three times and baptized by total immersion once at a Baptist church in southern Illinois I really don't know if I am saved or whether this is an illusion. Your insight is greatly appreciated.

So "dirty words" are ones with which you folks are not familiar? This is laughable. This is as laughable as this young fellow Max, who, given his birthdate is also young enough to be my child behaving like a 12 year old and making insinuations about my behavior of which he knows nothing. My husband became an atheist several years after we we married. Jesus died for your sins, Max; have you accepted him into your heart? Have you been baptized into the Blood of the Lamb? Say whatever you wish; Christ is in my heart and the words of children born in the 1980's concurrent with the appearance of HIV will not affect the ultimate disposition of those born again. God Bless all of you,

Well things certainly seem to have gone downhill for you in just a few days. Is it your unclean time of the month, lady? If it is, you shouldn't be posting here.

[Max Bayes]

Re: Born again

So "dirty words" are ones with which you folks are not familiar? This is laughable. This is as laughable as this young fellow Max, who, given his birthdate is also young enough to be my child behaving like a 12 year old and making insinuations about my behavior of which he knows nothing. My husband became an atheist several years after we we married. Jesus died for your sins, Max; have you accepted him into your heart? Have you been baptized into the Blood of the Lamb? Say whatever you wish; Christ is in my heart and the words of children born in the 1980's concurrent with the appearance of HIV will not affect the ultimate disposition of those born again. God Bless all of you,

The birthdate that you read on my profile isn't my actual birth. It is the day I found Christ. Everything beforehand has become null and void. I see that quite the opposite is true of you. You obviously found Christ, and have spend your life trying to ridicule him.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Born again

Pastor,
Praise Jesus! I do not keep track of how old I am as it is irrelevant to anything. I do believe though that I am old enough to be your mother if you are indeed 25. Such a sweet looking child you are, too! I bet she is proud of you even though you hate her like the Good Lord Jesus commanded you to. As for my husband, he is an atheist and he loves apple pie. huge "snip"

Hells afire! Them people at your heathen church musta left you under da baptismal waters way to long! You is long winded honeychile!

[Don the Baptist]

Re: Born again

They are not in favor of our army unleashing the fury of the Lord in the form of nuclear weapons on the unsaved moslems for example. Also they have recruited a black man to head their party.

I will thank you to refrain from racial slurs you fat bigot! They prefer to be called nigras! Who could NOT be in favor of nuking sand nigras?

[MAYATOLA]

Re: Born again

Ok, multiple responses are in order.
first, should one take a sword against the Moslems, one would find themselves dead and the Moslems laughing. a lot of good that would do Jesus and the christian world. God would be ashamed of you for not using the brains He gave Geese. (Parenthetically, it was Oppenheimer"s group which initially created nuclear weapons, not Einstein)
Secondly, P. Ezekial, your post makes no sense whatsoever. Aren't you too young for this job?
Finally, to Nobar: No I did not bring AIDS to humanity. My understanding is that some unfortunate being in Africa brought HIV to Homo sapiens. Twas not I, as I have not been in Africa.
Christ died for your sins, Max, and yours too Ezekial, be humble! No one but Jesus would do that for arrogant beings like you! Pray to God we will not all be cast into oblivion!