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  • Enobarbus
    Professor of English Landover University
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 3496
    #31
    Re: Knowledge is power.

    Originally posted by Spanky View Post
    I posted some cash in the paypal account, am I good to go now?
    Salvation comes not only through tithing (although that is very important) but through repentance and accepting the Lord as your Saviour©.

    You will need to get all your financial papers, credit cards, etc, together and make an appointment with a Pastor about one of our affordable salvation schemes.

    But don't forget the repentance either.
    Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

      Comment

      • Pastor Al E Pistle
        Christ's Cōnsiliārius
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 9323
        #32
        Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

        Someone tithed ONE DOLLAR. Which of you homers is stealing the REST of JESUS' money?
        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


          Comment

          • Andreas
            Unsaved Atheist Nazi Trash
             
            • Sep 2006
            • 249
            #33
            Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

            Who renamed this thread?
            Soon in Christ

              Comment

              • Spanky
                Confirmed Enemy of God
                BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                • Oct 2006
                • 10
                #34
                Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                I have paystubs, W2's, tax documents, and receipts from all of last year. How would I go about making an appointment?

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Al E Pistle
                    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                     
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 9323
                    #35
                    Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                    Send them all to

                    The United States Department of Faith,
                    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mail stop LBC
                    Washington, DC 20500
                    USA
                    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                      Comment

                      • Spanky
                        Confirmed Enemy of God
                        BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                        • Oct 2006
                        • 10
                        #36
                        Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                        That is the address to the White House, what does that have to do with my tithing. I will prepare all the documents but please give my a valid address...

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Al E Pistle
                            Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 9323
                            #37
                            Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                            Are you suggesting the White House doesn't have a valid address?
                            Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                            "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                            Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                              Comment

                              • Spanky
                                Confirmed Enemy of God
                                BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                • Oct 2006
                                • 10
                                #38
                                Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                Yeah, but I don't want to send my personal documents to the White House but rather Landover Baptist Church. I don't understand the validity in sending them to the White House...

                                  Comment

                                  • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                     
                                    • Sep 2006
                                    • 9323
                                    #39
                                    Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                    All of our mail goes to that address and is opened by Department of Faith personnel in a specially constructed laboratory. There was a problem with anthrax once and we took the necessary precautions.
                                    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                      Comment

                                      • Spanky
                                        Confirmed Enemy of God
                                        BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                        • Oct 2006
                                        • 10
                                        #40
                                        Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                        Fine, I will get the documents ready and mail them tomorrow. Is it possible to get an appointment with a pastor to follow through with a plan of Salvation.

                                          Comment

                                          • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                            Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                             
                                            • Sep 2006
                                            • 9323
                                            #41
                                            Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                            Absolutely. Let me see who is handling Salvation(tm) this week.
                                            Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                            "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                            Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                              Comment

                                              • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                 
                                                • Sep 2006
                                                • 78556
                                                #42
                                                Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                                Originally posted by Spanky View Post
                                                Fine, I will get the documents ready and mail them tomorrow. Is it possible to get an appointment with a pastor to follow through with a plan of Salvation.
                                                How much are we talking about here? If you are thinking 6 figures or more, we can send a learjet for you and have you over for coffee to discuss your tithing plan. If you are trying to nickel and dime us, then you'll have to write for an appointment. Praise Jesus, He needs every cent you can give.
                                                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Spanky
                                                    Confirmed Enemy of God
                                                    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                                    • Oct 2006
                                                    • 10
                                                    #43
                                                    Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                                    All I really want to do is get beat by a KJV1611 Bible if you don't mind. I like those old school family editions with all the pictures of Jesus...that would be great.

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                                        Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                                         
                                                        • Sep 2006
                                                        • 9323
                                                        #44
                                                        Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                                        And instead you are being banned. What a shame! (GONG)
                                                        Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                                        "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                                        Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                                          Comment

                                                          • Spanky Returns
                                                            Confirmed Enemy of God
                                                            BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                                            • Oct 2006
                                                            • 1
                                                            #45
                                                            Re: Is Andreas a complete idiot?

                                                            Why would you ban me. I love Landover Baptist Church. Plus I have 100 other email addresses...

                                                              Comment

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