Hello To all

[Clausetulio]

I am new here. My family forces me to practice catholicism, although I much rather not. They are complete hypocrits, my father is a compulsive drunkard and my mother is always disrespecting men. We don't own a single bible in my house; my family is in fear I may expose them for hypocrits and provide direct proof. Fortunately, I have a baptist aunt who takes me to her church every time she has the chance. Glory be to God.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Hello To all

I am new here. My family forces me to practice catholicism, although I much rather not. They are complete hypocrits, my father is a compulsive drunkard and my mother is always disrespecting men. We don't own a single bible in my house; my family is in fear I may expose them for hypocrits and provide direct proof. Fortunately, I have a baptist aunt who takes me to her church every time she has the chance. Glory be to God.

Of course there is always the Anglican Church, if you like the catholic-style ritual, but without Satan ...

... we dropped the Pope a long time ago ...

Welcome from an Anglican communion minister ... for real

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello To all

I am new here. My family forces me to practice catholicism, although I much rather not. They are complete hypocrits, my father is a compulsive drunkard and my mother is always disrespecting men. We don't own a single bible in my house; my family is in fear I may expose them for hypocrits and provide direct proof. Fortunately, I have a baptist aunt who takes me to her church every time she has the chance. Glory be to God.

Son, ALL mary worshipers are hypocrites, drunkards and filthmongers. The females are all back-talkers, because the catlicker men have all been sissified when they were buggered by their family priest. You need to break away from that papist cult and join the only True Christian™ church on earth: Landover Baptist. We Guarantee(*) Salvation through the blood of the lamb, and we do not suffer fools gladly.

By the way, feel free to completely ignore the false Christian trolls in here, like that feminazi "minister" Nodhead. If you want to obey God, you need Landover.

Tell me son, have you read an actual Bible ever in your life? For a very reasonable tithe I can see that you get one.

Have you been buggered by your local dress wearing priest? You can tell us. We may even be able to arrange for a high-priced joo lawyer to sue the pope of rome.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello To all

I am new here. My family forces me to practice catholicism, although I much rather not. They are complete hypocrits, my father is a compulsive drunkard and my mother is always disrespecting men.

And? That sounds perfectly in keeping with the unChristian doctrines of the Catlicker Cult. Especially the drunkard part.

Of course there is always the Anglican Church, if you like the catholic-style ritual, but without Satan ...

... we dropped the Pope a long time ago ...

And replaced him with the Queen. Not much of an improvement, considering that there's an ALMIGHTY GOD out there that you could be worshipping.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hello To all

I am new here. My family forces me to practice catholicism, although I much rather not. They are complete hypocrits, my father is a compulsive drunkard and my mother is always disrespecting men. We don't own a single bible in my house; my family is in fear I may expose them for hypocrits and provide direct proof. Fortunately, I have a baptist aunt who takes me to her church every time she has the chance. Glory be to God.

It is sad having hell bound parents who refuse to accept Jesus unconditional love friend. My parents are going to hell for being Mary Worshipers too. Remember friend that Jesus loves you. You parents are just lying. If your parents really did love you they would become Baptists.

[nikilds]

Re: Hello To all

Looks like you can recognize obvious religious distorition when you see it! Welcome to this forum! If you have an questions, feel free to ask!
Just dont ask me because we have Pastors and many menly men that can answer your questions!

[noel]

Re: Hello To all

i know it's off topic, but i was wondering if you guys actually accept donations from Anglicans who are going to hell? Because, you know, Jesus hates them no matter how much they tithe, so it seems a bit cruel to take their money. And it probably has AIDS on it.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Hello To all

i know it's off topic, but i was wondering if you guys actually accept donations from Anglicans who are going to hell? Because, you know, Jesus hates them no matter how much they tithe, so it seems a bit cruel to take their money. And it probably has AIDS on it.

Surely you know that God can make all things good, even money from hell-bound sinners! He is that powerful . Glory!

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hello To all

Hi Noel,

Thank you for your question.

It would be even crueler to not take their money. Setting up a rigorous tithing schedule is the first step towards getting saved.

Friend, I'm praying that you will make room in your life for Jesus. I pray that you open your mind to the Gospel, open your heart to the Holy Spirit, and open your pocketbook to the Church, so that the Lord can work mighty works through you, amen.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

PS. I hope you do not subscribe to the secular so-called "germ theory" of disease or believe that AIDS is spread by invisible organs called "viruses". Like any other disease, AIDS is caused in only one of two ways: sin (as punishment) and lack of sin (as a test).

[noel]

Re: Hello To all

actually, that post was edited. i asked if you accepted donations from people who didnt know that this site is a satire.

was my post edited because you dont want people to know that this site is a satire?

[Talitha]

Re: Hello To all

actually, that post was edited. i asked if you accepted donations from people who didnt know that this site is a satire.

was my post edited because you dont want people to know that this site is a satire?

As far as I am aware, every time a Post gets Edited by a Moderator It's because of serious spelling mistakes or someone is Spamming "God's favourite Forum". This then leaves behind a description of who Edited the Post and why.
Now you come here accusing our Holy Church of other things.
Are you here merely to persecute True Christians™?
If so then I'm sure Pastor Pistle will have his "Gong" ready for action.

[noel]

Re: Hello To all

although it seems wrong to let people donate money to an organization that doesn't exist in the way they have been led to blieve it does, i suppose anyone wanting to donate to an organization similar to what this site is making fun of deserves to have their money taken from them.

[Talitha]

Re: Hello To all

although it seems wrong to let people donate money to an organization that doesn't exist in the way they have been led to blieve it does, i suppose anyone wanting to donate to an organization similar to what this site is making fun of deserves to have their money taken from them.

I'm not sure that Jesus would like what you are suggesting. I also don't think that the person who started this Thread you seem to have Hijacked would like it either.
God's favourite Forum does not run on fresh air and our pastors have certain "expenses" that have to be met.
Any Loving donations sent to Landover are received with thanks and a guarantee of salvation or your money back.
So, you are quite welcome to make your own donation right here and now.

[noel]

Re: Hello To all

ha

[Talitha]

Re: Hello To all

ha

I can only assume that the Keyboard on your PC became faulty and you couldn't finish what you intended to say in that last Post.

The answer to your question is:
Yes, we do have a facility for you to make your donation in foreign Currency.
Now, let's stop this nonsense. Tell me, do you have a favourite Bible Verse? What Church do you attend?