With Fear And Trembling . . .

[handmaiden]

Pastor Ezekiel has informed me that I have transgressed upon the holy ordained protocol of this forum.

Please deal with me as is good in your eyes, Pastor. I would prefer stoning to being burnt in the fire. Stoning , of corse, is a group effort and I await the convenience of the community.



Your in Submission

Handmaiden

[Levi Jones]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Praise the LORD and welcome! I can assure you that if the good Pastor didn't care or had not taken an interest in your spiritual well being, he would not have given you a gentle nudge to introduce yourself.

Tell us more about yourself. What Church your husband takes you to, your favorite verse from the Holy Bible, how many soldiers for Christ you have borne.

I like the title of your thread as well. The Ephesians 6 tie-in is a very nice touch.

[Jedediah]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Welcome to the forum, young miss. How did you come to walk with Christ?

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Again I would like to welcome you to Gods Favorite Church(TM). It is a rare pleasure to meet a young lady who knows her place. Now tell us a bit about yourself. Relax you are among friends.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Tell us more about yourself. What Church your husband takes you to, your favorite verse from the Holy Bible, how many soldiers for Christ you have borne.

I keep experiencing technical problems with my posts, is this His way of telling me to shut up?

I have no husband, alas. And I have borne no soliders for Christ -for God has shut my womb, despite having produced ovum for over 40 years and spending almost as many decades in celibate purity. ( What more is required of me that I may bear a son ? )

Because I do not have my KJV with me, I can only allude to vague information from the Good Book. The shortest verse is in the Gospel of John-- "Jesus wept." The longest verse is in the book of Esther, whose name is not Esther, and Mordecai was her cousin, not her uncle as some believe.

I began reading the Bible in earnest in high school after attending meetings of Youth for Christ. A few years later, after a night of no sleep and continual prayer and perhaps low level dehydration, I received the gift of glossalalia. Years, later, while attending meetings with the Plymouth Brethren, I learned that they look with suspicion on gifts of healing and prophecy, etc, yet interpret the Pauline doctrines very closely regarding the silence of women in church and the importance of their headcoverings. (Angels must not be dissed, from what I have been given to understand.)

This discrepancy created a terrible confusion in me which led me astray as I began thinking for myself. I am ashamed to admit how many books I read as I sought after what I now know is false knowledge.

Now, thanks be, I have found Landover Baptist. Here it is understood that every word of God's revealed wisdom is equally important and can neither be polluted, diluted, sampled or interpreted in light of such nonsense as "cultural revelance".

Now, at last, I can set aside female foolishness and pesky rationalism and submit myself as the secondary creation that I am. I bow before you, my brothers in Christ, having no head of my own, and admit that my many years of literacy and higher learning do not give me leave to think that I can just read any old Bible and seek out favorable passages and intergrate such into a modern, moral lifestyle.

How blind I have been. Just like a woman.

May He forgive this weaker vessel.

Uselessly yours,

Handmaiden

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Are you some kind of goth girl? You talk like some hippie chick at a renaissance fair.

The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independant Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."

[BelieverInGod]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

You speak in tongues? Do you also drink poison and play with snakes?

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Are you some kind of goth girl? You talk like some hippie chick at a renaissance fair.

Goth? Hippie? Oh no, please!

How have I offended thee? Is it . . . my grammar? I sound like I have a degree and speak "Ivy League" English, don't I ? Or is my spelling? I fear it may be my punctuation. I just have this problem with needing to puncuate properly. But I can fix that. I don't have to sound smart. Certainly not if "smart" means goth or hippie, ugh!

Please don't cast me out. It's been awhile since I was properly submissive. It all comes from owning power tools-- I was so reckless! I will do anything to be accepted at Landover Baptist. I really, really don't want to be thrown into the lake of fire. Oh sure, I tan pretty easily . . .

Casting my eyes modestly downwards,

Handmaiden

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

We speak God's favorite language here lady. American.


What country are you really from? Don't lie in front of Jesus.

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

You speak in tongues? Do you also drink poison and play with snakes?

She does sound as if she is a true believer.
Mark 16:17-18
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

We speak God's favorite language here lady. American.


What country are you really from? Don't lie in front of Jesus.

I would swear that I was born in America, but I seem to remember something in the Bible about not swearing.

I really must ask you to be patient with me, Pastor E. ( I can call your Pastor E, can't I?) You see, I had the misfortune of being educated at one of those liberal women's colleges where they teach girls to insist on being referred to as " women" or even worse,"womyn" and force everyone to have lesbian relationships. I wrote a 113 page thesis, graduated with honors and fielded romantic advances from some really, cute, smart dykes. Despite the damaging effects of my education I resisted the lesbian hordes and kept my allegience to the phallis.

Now that I am back with the Lord, I am further pledging my allegience to the phalliocentric truth of the one true faith.

I promise that I am truly an American. My family has been in this country for over century now (is that long enough or is there a probationary period ?) and even though my antecedents ( yikes, I have got to stop using such language) are olive skinned, I avoid the sun whenever possible so that I can remain as white as possible. If this is not good enough I will look into skin bleaching.

(trying to find another word for submissive) -ly yours,

Handmaiden


p.s. I used to speak in tongues, but never did anything with snakes. If you could recommend a specific species . . .

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Welcome to the forum. Your story is most interesting. We hope that you can grow in your faith with proper Bible study and careful reading of all that our Pastors post on these pages.

[Levi Jones]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I keep experiencing technical problems with my posts, is this His way of telling me to shut up?

Who can say? For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him?

I have no husband, alas. And I have borne no soliders for Christ -for God has shut my womb, despite having produced ovum for over 40 years and spending almost as many decades in celibate purity. ( What more is required of me that I may bear a son ? )

Perhaps a husband would help.. Oh wait I get it.

I began reading the Bible in earnest in high school after attending meetings of Youth for Christ. A few years later, after a night of no sleep and continual prayer and perhaps low level dehydration, I received the gift of glossalalia.

Meaningless gibberish likely demonic inspired. I am extremely suspicious of its peddlers.

Years, later, while attending meetings with the Plymouth Brethren, I learned that they look with suspicion on gifts of healing and prophecy, etc, yet interpret the Pauline doctrines very closely regarding the silence of women in church and the importance of their headcoverings. (Angels must not be dissed, from what I have been given to understand.)

Amen!!

This discrepancy created a terrible confusion in me which led me astray as I began thinking for myself. I am ashamed to admit how many books I read as I sought after what I now know is false knowledge.

So true. In my more rebellious phase I attempted to read The Naked Lunch. I can assure you it is not as advertised in the title. After reading about where Steely Dan came from, I decided right then and there it would only be the Bible from there out!

Now, thanks be, I have found Landover Baptist. Here it is understood that every word of God's revealed wisdom is equally important and can neither be polluted, diluted, sampled or interpreted in light of such nonsense as "cultural revelance".

Praise Jesus!

Now, at last, I can set aside female foolishness and pesky rationalism and submit myself as the secondary creation that I am. I bow before you, my brothers in Christ, having no head of my own, and admit that my many years of literacy and higher learning do not give me leave to think that I can just read any old Bible and seek out favorable passages and intergrate such into a modern, moral lifestyle.

Very nice, but you come off as a bit perhaps sarcastic. Maybe there are still a few uppity spots in you that need to be filled full with the love of Christ?

How blind I have been. Just like a woman.
May He forgive this weaker vessel.
Uselessly yours,
Handmaiden

Well said.

[Levi Jones]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I would swear that I was born in America, but I seem to remember something in the Bible about not swearing.

Quote the scripture. That google thing is great if you're having trouble remembering.

I really must ask you to be patient with me, Pastor E. ( I can call your Pastor E, can't I?)

No you may not. You will refer to our Executive Head Pastor Ezekiel Flint as Pastor or Pastor Ezekiel until you get to know him. You presume too much, woman.

You may refer to me as Levi. I give you permission.

You see, I had the misfortune of being educated at one of those liberal women's colleges where they teach girls to insist on being referred to as " women" or even worse,"womyn" and force everyone to have lesbian relationships. I wrote a 113 page thesis, graduated with honors

Disgusting!

Read 1 Timothy 2 some time. It is only through childbearing that you are Saved®.

and fielded romantic advances from some really, cute, smart dykes. Despite the damaging effects of my education I resisted the lesbian hordes and kept my allegience to the phallis.

Now that I am back with the Lord, I am further pledging my allegience to the phalliocentric truth of the one true faith.

At least there is a silver lining to this cloud.

Welcome again.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I'd love to read your alleged thesis. Please post the link.