[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I thought you were one of those cosmopolonauts?

Speak American woman. 'Olde English' is reserved for pretentious little 'shoppes' and tacky marketing schemes.

Really, I only used the word, "cosmology" in the title of my thesis because I was at one of those fancy-shmancy, overpriced Seven Sisters colleges where they make you use words like that to be taken seriously. I was just going to call my thesis " Is this Seat Saved?--No, But It's Under Conviction" because I had heard that joke SO many times at prayer meetings and Bible seminars and Christian retreats and loved it; but my thesis advisor didn't even get the joke and then insisted that I add a subtitle with a big word in it to make it sound "scholarly".

The real problem is that I was writing about a conservative, godly community of Bible believers and I had nothing bad to say about them. Even though there was a clear division of gender roles I couldn't bring myself to label the group misogynistic. I had to really work at including the word "patriarchal" into my writing and everyone at my college loved that word-- especially when combined with the words, "hegemony" and
"oppression". I only remember seeing one black person there, ( Unlike the other Plymouth Brethren Meetings where they were numerous.) But I couldn't really find any behaviour that seemed racist -- another word flung about around my campus.

As fieldwork goes, I didn't have to eat bugs or anything, but it was still tough. They seemed so seemly. There was no hypocritical underbelly to expose so that I could make mockery of their conservative likestyle or beliefs. That is what kept me from getting a 4.0 on my thesis and graduating Magna Cum Laude instead of just Cum Laude, which sounds dirty.

Now here at the LBC forum, I am still troubled. They are love God and live so authentically, but why do they not believe God favors America? Some of them even questioned the correctness of voting. Their reasoning was that God, Himself, establishes earthly authority for His Own Purpose and if they voted for someone who was not actually elected, that was like voting against God.

I really need help grappling with this, and I promise to use only plain words if needed.

Sadly Yours,

Handmaiden

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My Dear Handmaiden, I do enjoy your use of the English language, while the vast majority of my Brethren do understand you , I need to ask a small favor of you. Keep it simple. We are deluged with heathens who have trouble with " See spot run and See Jane jump". YIC James Dewitt

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My Dear Handmaiden, I do enjoy your use of the English language, while the vast majority of my Brethren do understand you , I need to ask a small favor of you. Keep it simple. We are deluged with heathens who have trouble with " See spot run and See Jane jump". YIC James Dewitt

But why would people blessed with access to one of the most beautifully worded and complexly written books in the world -- the only book worth reading, really-- have trouble with Spot and Jane? ( Okay, Dick I can see them having problems over.) Are they not exposed to the only true wisdom provided by the intelligent designer of creation itself.

( Oh, all right. I'll try to behave. You boys just have to take the fun out of everything.)

Illiterately Yours,

Handmaiden

[James Hutchins]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

A man does not sit down and read the Bible in a single sitting. We read a verse or two, ponder the magnificience of it alll through the following day, then read a few more. Each Word of God© is to be treasured, it is not a Billy Mays, buy one, and God will Super Size your order. If you rush through His word, you could easily miss something.

We are not here to have fun. God is not fun. He is serious, deadly serious. If you think the choice between Heaven and Hell is like a quilting bee, you have another thing coming.

YIC
JH

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Hey, Bob4God used the word "fervor" over in another thread about the teaparty. (I'm going to wear little lace gloves and a big, fancy hat.) How come I can't use fancy words like "fervor" without getting admonished or exhorted or scolded or whatever is the least smart sounding word that I can use?

I keep being told that I use big words but not one of you fine, virile, well-versed Bible reading hunks will explain to me how a group of Bible Believing Christians like the Plymouth Brethern can worship the Lord without an American flag in the house. Are you afraid of them? They're also not into guns. ( Which is another problem for me. )

Impudently Yours,

Handmaiden


Impudently Yours

[Jedediah]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My buddy Earl's wife is a cosmologist too. She didn't have to go to some fancy "graduate" school and write some high-falootin' "thesis" for her degree, though. Just one year at the JC and a little practicing for the state licensing exam, and she's painting nails and fixing up hairdos like nobody's business. I'd say you got taken for a ride, Handmaiden!

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My buddy Earl's wife is a cosmologist too. She didn't have to go to some fancy "graduate" school and write some high-falootin' "thesis" for her degree, though. Just one year at the JC and a little practicing for the state licensing exam, and she's painting nails and fixing up hairdos like nobody's business. I'd say you got taken for a ride, Handmaiden!

Oh, I am far worse than a cosmologist. I am an anthropologist. But with faith and prayer and the guidance of the menfolk at LBC, I can overcome that. As for whether I got taken for a ride-- we did have a joke that we told at Bryn Mawr on graduation day.

"You just spend $80,000 on a piece of paper, what have you learned?"

"To never make a deal like that again."


Pauperly Yours,

Handmaiden


p.s. Still no takers on the lack of flags and firearms amongst the Plymouth Brethren? Man, you guys must be running scared. I would love to get you guys together with some of the Brethren men for a "Bible Verse-Off"
They would whip your cute little tushies with their Schoefield Bibles. Man, could that man annotate! And yeah, baby, we're talking hard core, KJV, mmm, mmm . . .

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Little Miss. May I suggest that you stop running your yap and listen to what we are telling you. The Good Lord has given you a place and it is at the back of the BUSS.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Little Miss. May I suggest that you stop running your yap and listen to what we are telling you. The Good Lord has given you a place and it is at the back of the BUSS.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

I know, I know. They say the same things.( And I love it; I really do. Being bitchslapped by a Brother with a Bible makes me so hot.) But you guys have guns! How do I decide between you?

Selling My Submission Here, come and get it! Will Cover up For Christ in the Church of His Choosing!

Handmaiden

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Being bitchslapped by a Brother with a Bible makes me so hot.

Your obsession with BDSM is getting the better of you. To make sure you stop staring at BDSM porn you now have to poke your own eyes out! The Bible is very clear on that: Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire". Since you can still see porn with one eye, you will have to poke both of them out.

You are probably also an obsessive compulsive masturbator. The Bible is very clear on what you have to do about that. You have to rent a chainsaw and remove your hand! Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched". To be on the safe side you might want to remove both hands.

And after you poked your eyes out and removed your hands you have to start reading your KJV1611 Holy Bible to prevent eternal damnation to hell .

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Tell me Handmaiden, have you ever been married? If so was it your mouth that drove your husband off? I am getting the feeling that you are not a Christian, but rather a Demon of Satan.

[Dirk]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I know, I know. They say the same things.( And I love it; I really do. Being bitchslapped by a Brother with a Bible makes me so hot.) But you guys have guns! How do I decide between you?

Selling My Submission Here, come and get it! Will Cover up For Christ in the Church of His Choosing!

Handmaiden

Perverted ideas on the Forum of God.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

A Gentle But Firm Reply To All Posts By This New Poster

My goodness, this one does go on and on! If I might be so bold, I would like to say a few words to this confused soul.

Miss Handmaiden, let me be blunt. All of this talk of those Plymouth false Christians is rather pointless. They are not True Christians™ and therefore they are damned. One need not be saved to quote Bible verses. On the contrary, I imagine Satan himself knows his way around the KJV 1611. The words of The Lord's Book ring hollow without the fire of faith to give them true meaning.

Also, I do believe I detect just the slightest note of sarcasm in some of your posts dear. Please, are you sincere in your quest to become saved? Do not lie to us, as this is God's Favorite Forum© and He reads all of the posts. We are saved True Christians™ dear, and we are not fools. Could your please, as briefly as possible, answer the following questions as truthfully as you are able?


How old are you?


Are you really a Christian?


Have you ever been married?


What are your reasons for posting on this Christian forum?


While I agree with Brother Nobar that it is refreshing to have a new poster that can write a proper sentence, I must add that the most finely crafted paragraph in the world is still blasphemy if it contains even one word of mockery directed at God or Jesus.



.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My goodness, this one does go on and on!

Also, I do believe I detect just the slightest note of sarcasm in some of your posts dear. Please, are you sincere in your quest to become saved? Do not lie to us, as this is God's Favorite Forum© and He reads all of the posts. We are saved True Christians™ dear, and we are not fools. Could your please, as briefly as possible, answer the following questions as truthfully as you are able?


How old are you?


Are you really a Christian?


Have you ever been married?


What are your reasons for posting on this Christian forum?


While I agree with Brother Nobar that it is refreshing to have a new poster that can write a proper sentence, I must add that the most finely crafted paragraph in the world is still blasphemy if it contains even one word of mockery directed at God or Jesus.



.

Of course it goes on and on! The Bible goes on and on often repeating Itself when discussing important matters. I go on and on because I love discussing the Word of God.

As for any hints of sarcasm, well, I'm really more into irony myself. I am no more sarcastic than anyother True Christian on this forum.

Not gonna tell you my age. The Bible teaches that we must not lie. My age is only importance to any suitors who might wish to know if I am still a useful vessel for the Lord. Which I am. But the eggs are gettin' any fresher ya know. Still wasted eggs are my penalty for being intelligent and educated. God never I was never meant to reproduce and has now rendered me physically unattractive to match my inner ugliness, thus sparing fine men of God the possibly of favoring me with attention just because I'm charming and witty which God does not value in women so much as obedience and chastity.

You asked me to answer your questions as briefly as possilble. You have not been reading my posts. We are already beyond brief, therefore I will not be answering your questions.


Succinctly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Not gonna tell you my age. The Bible teaches that we must not lie.

Then why not simply tell us the truth?

But the eggs are gettin' any fresher ya know.

intelligent and educated

I was never meant to reproduce

Neither were your parents.

You asked me to answer your questions as briefly as possilble ... therefore I will not be answering your questions.

For someone who claims to be intelligent the entire concept of logic seems to be wasted on you. What is it that you have to hide? Are you really a fat and ugly man pretending to be a woman?