Hello

[judge567]

Hey there, my name is amnre, and I discovered this site a week back. I've been on here every day since, as this seems to be the only place to get away from those godless heathens in my family. I hope one day, I will be able to fully understand the word of Jesus, but presently I am having difficulty with a few aspects of my lifestyle. Please help me with the following:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Thanks a lot. Praise Jesus!

[Talitha]

Re: Hello

Hey there, my name is amnre, and I discovered this site a week back. I've been on here every day since, as this seems to be the only place to get away from those godless heathens in my family.

Hello Amnre and welcome.
Not a very Christian American name?

I hope one day, I will be able to fully understand the word of Jesus, but presently I am having difficulty with a few aspects of my lifestyle.

You have come to the right place

Please help me with the following:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Shunning them should be sufficient.

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

That depends on her age and ethnicity.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

You do not ask.
You tell her straight and then drag her there if necessary.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Why would anyone wish to own a Canadian? Darkies make far better Servants.

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Murder is against Secular Law.

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Both are Sinful.

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

What have you done to make God give you poor eyesight?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

The Lord will decide.

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

Football is for Homo's. Avoid.

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Murder is against Secular Law. Why do you wish to kill people?

Thanks a lot. Praise Jesus!

Praise Jesus.

[landoverlover]

Re: Hello

If you are sincere, then please follow the rules and do a proper introduction. How did you come to Jesus? What is your favorite Bible verse? What church do you attend? Tell us more about yourself.

If you can't put in this kind of sincere effort, I'll be forced to conclude you've waltzed in here to play "Let's trip up the Christians." Do you think you're the first teenager to try it? Do you honestly think one of our flock will spend one second researching and praying on your insincere, pointless and annoying questions?

If you really want answers, why not tell me what YOUR analysis is for each question first? Please be detailed.

Of course, you don't want answers but rather came here to annoy us and waste our time. Not even a nice try.

[Lisa H]

Re: Hello

A nervous welcome to you.

First I would to say Brother Landover Lover has given you some good advice. Also I feel you are not reading the correct Bible. I checked a few verse and it does not match with you have said.

For example

Leviticus 21:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

It does not say Poor Eye sight, it says hath a blemish in his eye.

[judge567]

Re: Hello

If you are sincere, then please follow the rules and do a proper introduction. How did you come to Jesus? What is your favorite Bible verse? What church do you attend? Tell us more about yourself.

If you can't put in this kind of sincere effort, I'll be forced to conclude you've waltzed in here to play "Let's trip up the Christians." Do you think you're the first teenager to try it? Do you honestly think one of our flock will spend one second researching and praying on your insincere, pointless and annoying questions?

If you really want answers, why not tell me what YOUR analysis is for each question first? Please be detailed.

Of course, you don't want answers but rather came here to annoy us and waste our time. Not even a nice try.

Course it was a nice try. It was hilarious for me, baiting a bunch of illogical dumbasses who really think that there is a man in the sky who created something out of nothing, for which they have no substantial evidence, apart from a 'holy book' which contains countless contradictions to itself, and was written by MAN not god. If you're a sincere member of this site, then you deserve to have your time wasted, as you have nothing of worth to contribute to this world. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to entertain myself by reading on these forums about how the British have no form of dental hygiene, and Hindus pray in mosques.
Athiest out

[landoverlover]

Re: Hello

Course it was a nice try. It was hilarious for me, baiting a bunch of illogical dumbasses who really think that there is a man in the sky who created something out of nothing, for which they have no substantial evidence, apart from a 'holy book' which contains countless contradictions to itself, and was written by MAN not god. If you're a sincere member of this site, then you deserve to have your time wasted, as you have nothing of worth to contribute to this world. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to entertain myself by reading on these forums about how the British have no form of dental hygiene, and Hindus pray in mosques.
Athiest out

I dare say you wasted more time writing your drivel than I spent responding to it. All you've proven is that you admit you are an evil phony, which is to be expected of an atheist.

[judge567]

Re: Hello

I dare say you wasted more time writing your drivel than I spent responding to it. All you've proven is that you admit you are an evil phony, which is to be expected of an atheist.

It wasn't really time wasted. It's interesting to see how the mind of a christian works. And how am I evil?

[Lisa H]

Re: Hello

It wasn't really time wasted. It's interesting to see how the mind of a christian works. And how am I evil?

Demonstrates how stupid and immature you really are. Your mommy & daddy must have left you alone on the computer.

[judge567]

Re: Hello

Demonstrates how stupid and immature you really are. Your mommy & daddy must have left you alone on the computer.

No it doesn't. It demonstrates how I draw humour from people actually believing a load of crap like the bible. And yes, they left me alone on MY computer, which I paid for.

[Lisa H]

Re: Hello

No it doesn't. It demonstrates how I draw humour from people actually believing a load of crap like the bible. And yes, they left me alone on MY computer, which I paid for.

Come on little boy, you are being stupid and immature. Doing extra chores so you parents buy you a computer does not mean you paid for it.

[judge567]

Re: Hello

No, but working my ass off cleaning cars and delivering papers does.

[Lisa H]

Re: Hello

No, but working my ass off cleaning cars and delivering papers does.

Stop telling lies. You would not know what work was. Also stop using your potty mouth on this forum.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello

No, but working my ass off cleaning cars and delivering papers does.

Watch your mouth, punk. This is a Christian forum.

First of all, this is NOT a debate forum. Please read THIS thread before making an even bigger fool of yourself.

Secondly, while the internets might seem to be "free" to you, this particular corner of the internets is a privately owned Christian forum. The rights you have on this forum are listed HERE. Please contact a Pastor immediately if you feel that any of your rights have been violated.

Finally, your unsaved opinions or tantrums are not even slightly of interest to us. We follow the Holy Word of God TO THE LETTER, and make no apologies for that. One of the most important commandments in the Bible tells us to avoid unsaved scum such as yourself. You wandered in here uninvited, and unwelcome .


Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[judge567]

Re: Hello

lol I'm done here. I hope for yours and your children's sake that you people get this crap out of your heads, otherwise the world's gonna be fighting this disease for another 3000 years

[Cindy Lou Jenkins]

Re: Hello

lol I'm done here. I hope for yours and your children's sake that you people get this crap out of your heads, otherwise the world's gonna be fighting this disease for another 3000 years

If someone has crap in their head, they should eat more prunes.