I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

[SamSeekingSalvation]

and get Jesus into my heart. After purchasing and reading through a KJV 1611 Bible, I realized you were right, and that Landover teaches only His holy word. Hopefully you can help me obtain Salvation and show me how to feel the warm love of the Holy Spirit.

[Levi Jones]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

If you don't get banned by the time I post this, I will allow you to say your piece.

Why are you so incredibly obsessed with us, sam?

[SamSeekingSalvation]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

If you don't get banned by the time I post this, I will allow you to say your piece.

Why are you so incredibly obsessed with us, sam?

At first I thought you were wrong, but now I seek Salvation. Why would I be banned for wanting Salvation?

[Levi Jones]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

At first I thought you were wrong, but now I seek Salvation. Why would I be banned for wanting Salvation?

No, you would be banned for creating over 50 accounts we caught by our software filter ban alone. Not to mention the twenty or so we have had to actually click two or three buttons to ban hammer you.

The fact that you have come in here over and over again like a rain man type retard is the reason we are having this palaver.

So, what is your favorite bible verse and how did you come to love Jesus so much?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

No, you would be banned for creating over 50 accounts we that were caught by our software filter ban alone. Not to mention the twenty or so we have had to actually click two or three buttons to ban hammer you.

The fact that you have come in here over and over again like a rain man type retard is the reason we are having this palaver.

So, what is your favorite bible verse and how did you come to love Jesus so much?

Argh He be villainous lice infested powder monkey.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

and get Jesus into my heart. After purchasing and reading through a KJV 1611 Bible, I realized you were right, and that Landover teaches only His holy word. Hopefully you can help me obtain Salvation and show me how to feel the warm love of the Holy Spirit.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

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Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[David Micheal]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

and get Jesus into my heart. After purchasing and reading through a KJV 1611 Bible, I realized you were right, and that Landover teaches only His holy word. Hopefully you can help me obtain Salvation and show me how to feel the warm love of the Holy Spirit.

Glad to see that you have seen the light. I hope your quest for Salvation is successful.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

and get Jesus into my heart. After purchasing and reading through a KJV 1611 Bible, I realized you were right, and that Landover teaches only His holy word. Hopefully you can help me obtain Salvation and show me how to feel the warm love of the Holy Spirit.

I do hope that you are here genuinely this time Sam.

Just know though, should you try any of your former shenanigans, banning WILL ensue.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

[SamSeekingSalvation]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

I do hope that you are here genuinely this time Sam.

Just know though, should you try any of your former shenanigans, banning WILL ensue.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

Don't worry Mrs Dewitt, I'm here looking for help for my eternal soul.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

Don't worry Mrs Dewitt, I'm here looking for help for my eternal soul.

All right Sam. I for one am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

So, what made you finally decide to want the love of Jesus Christ deep within you?

Tell us of all the debauchery you have been part of and also witnessed in your life, for God to lead you here for help. As you know, nothing can or does shock us and as long as your response is truthful and genuine, it will be listened to with open ears.

I would also be interested to know just how much of your KJV1611 you have read to date and from those scriptures, if particular verse has moved you, to consider it as a favorite.

I look forward to your replies.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

[SamSeekingSalvation]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

All right Sam. I for one am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

So, what made you finally decide to want the love of Jesus Christ deep within you?

Tell us of all the debauchery you have been part of and also witnessed in your life, for God to lead you here for help. As you know, nothing can or does shock us and as long as your response is truthful and genuine, it will be listened to with open ears.

I would also be interested to know just how much of your KJV1611 you have read to date and from those scriptures, if particular verse has moved you, to consider it as a favorite.

I look forward to your replies.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

I used to be a false Christian, but one day in my previous Church (if you can even call it that) I learned that the Church was accepting homosexuals to become members! This is completely against God's holy word, so I realized something must be wrong. I started reading my recently-purchased KJV 1611 Holy Bible, and saw that you were right, so I came back here for help on my journey to Heaven. I'm not too far into the KJV Bible, but I'll keep reading until I'm finished, then I'll read it again. My favorite verse is 2 Kings 2:23-24, it shows that God protects True Christians and smites foul sinners.

[Levi Jones]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

I used to be a false Christian, but one day in my previous Church (if you can even call it that) I learned that the Church was accepting homosexuals to become members! This is completely against God's holy word, so I realized something must be wrong. I started reading my recently-purchased KJV 1611 Holy Bible, and saw that you were right, so I came back here for help on my journey to Heaven. I'm not too far into the KJV Bible, but I'll keep reading until I'm finished, then I'll read it again. My favorite verse is 2 Kings 2:23-24, it shows that God protects True Christians and smites foul sinners.

Well Sam, I'm so glad you have had your Damascus Road experience. Shout Glory!

[Jedediah]

Re: I've decided to get Satan's tallywhacker out of my rectum

Ah, yes... the she-bears and the Godmocking children. A glorious verse of Scripture indeed!

We Christians are nothing if not forgiving, and I hope that you are indeed serious about your Salvation(tm).

Luke 15:10
Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.