Hello Americans!

[Mikhail Susanin]

Good morning in Christ to you!

I am Mikhail from Russian village of Domnino. My son has been browse your forum for many days on village computer, and he say that you are true followers of Jesus like back in old days. I went on forums on few weeks back, and found - Yes! Like real Christians!

I have proceed to Baptise my village people in nearby Volga river. We are all now Baptist Christians. I have convert my home into new baptist church, and make annex from Russia to immitate your Freetown in Domnino!

Picture of new church:






However, we now have problem - good aid from True Christians(TM) would be help much:


* We have discovered homosexual in village. Ivan touch Dimitri's anus on way to Market. Ivan say this was accident, but he clearly possessed by devil. We have acquire King James Bible from Moscow - it say that we need execute this man. However, I see on your forum, you do not always do this?

We have lock Ivan in toolshed until we get Christian advice on how to do with him.


* My daughters Larisa (20) and Marina (18) both qualify for 18-24 young womens programme. However, they here not in glorious USA. How will I ship them to USA to learn of Jesus? What is cost of this?



Uploaded with ImageShack.us


This is picture of them graduate from school. I hope this do for Jesus purposes!


Thank you many times,

Pastor Mikhail & Peoples of Domnino

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Hello Americans!

Hello Mikhail,

Yes the Bible does command us to stone queers. However, the Bible also commands us to follow secular law. I suppose even Russia has laws against fagacide. Perhaps you could get possessed by the Holy Spirit while baptizing the anus toucher and he'll (cough) accidentally drown.

Reverend Jim has been known to globe trot in his quest to save young women. There's a good chance he'll use his corporate jet to collect your daughters for some personal attention.

Best Wishes in Christ

Brother B

[ExGay Alex]

Re: Hello Americans!

Уважаемый Михаил!

Добро пожаловать на наш форум! Love the picture of your изба, which, in Russian tradition, has three windows in honor of the father, the son and the holy ghost.

Congratulations on turning your village away from Russian Orthodox lies and the worship of graven images and for learning English, God's favorite language!

If Ivan is a true homosexual, and his touching of Dmitry's anus was not accidental, then he should be watched carefully. If he has actual sex with another man, then he must be put to death. Leviticus 20:13, reproduced here in your pagan tongue, for your clear understanding: Если кто ляжет с мужчиною, как с женщиною, то оба они сделали мерзость: да будут преданы смерти, кровь их на них.

However, it is possible that the touching was accidental. And is it possible that there is a mistranslation here? Perhaps Ivan touched Dmitriy's ASS on the way to the market. As you know, this sort of mistranslation is easy in Russian.

Here is a picture of a boy whose and his father on their way to the market in Central Russia. I paid the father 10 rubles to touch this boy's ass, which I did right after this picture was taken. I can assure you, there was nothing homosexual about it; I merely thought the boy had a really nice ass and I wanted oh so desperately to touch it. The father willingly offered it to me. I confess that, I too, accidentally used the word for "buttocks" when I first approached the man about his son, but this misunderstanding was quickly cleared up and we laughed about it as I petted the donkey.

You should check that there is no linguistic misunderstanding between Dmitry and Ivan.

[LordHaveMercy]

Re: Hello Americans!

Welcome Mikhail! Please tell us how you came to be Saved!

[Mikhail Susanin]

Re: Hello Americans!

Hello Mikhail,

Yes the Bible does command us to stone queers. However, the Bible also commands us to follow secular law. I suppose even Russia has laws against fagacide. Perhaps you could get possessed by the Holy Spirit while baptizing the anus toucher and he'll (cough) accidentally drown.

I am worry that if I baptise this man, he will be eligible for heaven? Is homosexuality or baptism a stronger factor when Jesus decides where to send soul? I do not want this anus-toucher in heaven with good Christians!

Уважаемый Михаил!

Добро пожаловать на наш форум! Love the picture of your изба, which, in Russian tradition, has three windows in honor of the father, the son and the holy ghost.

Congratulations on turning your village away from Russian Orthodox lies and the worship of graven images and for learning English, God's favorite language!

If Ivan is a true homosexual, and his touching of Dmitry's anus was not accidental, then he should be watched carefully. If he has actual sex with another man, then he must be put to death. Leviticus 20:13, reproduced here in your pagan tongue, for your clear understanding: Если кто ляжет с мужчиною, как с женщиною, то оба они сделали мерзость: да будут преданы смерти, кровь их на них.

However, it is possible that the touching was accidental. And is it possible that there is a mistranslation here? Perhaps Ivan touched Dmitriy's ASS on the way to the market. As you know, this sort of mistranslation is easy in Russian.

Here is a picture of a boy whose and his father on their way to the market in Central Russia. I paid the father 10 rubles to touch this boy's ass, which I did right after this picture was taken. I can assure you, there was nothing homosexual about it; I merely thought the boy had a really nice ass and I wanted oh so desperately to touch it. The father willingly offered it to me. I confess that, I too, accidentally used the word for "buttocks" when I first approached the man about his son, but this misunderstanding was quickly cleared up and we laughed about it as I petted the donkey.

You should check that there is no linguistic misunderstanding between Dmitry and Ivan.

Thank you for kind welcome.

Unfortunate, I cannot speak with Dimitri, as he has taken a company of good Christian men and young women from village and went up to Ivan's brewery on edge of village to investigate for signs of homosex. He has said that the devil may have possess Ivan at his place of work, and no-one is to come to the brewery for 3 days, even if they hear satanic sounds from within - the rest of village pray for these brave souls to expel the demons from Ivan's workplace.

I cannot keep Ivan locked for this many days, for fear of God's wrath upon our village for harboring a sinner. I will follow the brother's advice above and hope that the Holy Spirit possess me while I baptize this heathen.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Americans!

Welcome to Gods favorite forum. I have the DOF working on your case right now, to verify your ex-communist status.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Johannes Kirkeholm]

Re: Hello Americans!

Unfortunate, I cannot speak with Dimitri, as he has taken a company of good Christian men and young women from village and went up to Ivan's brewery on edge of village to investigate for signs of homosex. He has said that the devil may have possess Ivan at his place of work, and no-one is to come to the brewery for 3 days, even if they hear satanic sounds from within - the rest of village pray for these brave souls to expel the demons from Ivan's workplace.

My warm welcomes to you, Pastor Mikhail. It's great to see a new member who isn't here to persecute us You wouldn't believe how many freaks comes to this forum. Atheists, false christians, witches, child molesters, satanists and liebral homers. It feels great to extend my welcomes to someone who isn't a total freak and who actually follows the Word of God.

I will personally pray that the brave men and women from your village will succeed in driving out the demons from Ivan's brewery.

[Mikhail Susanin]

Re: Hello Americans!

Welcome to Gods favorite forum. I have the DOF working on your case right now, to verify your ex-communist status.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you for warm greeting - in particular, I like the rights. This concept we have not heard in Russia, but it is exciting new learning that this exists!

My warm welcomes to you, Pastor Mikhail. It's great to see a new member who isn't here to persecute us You wouldn't believe how many freaks comes to this forum. Atheists, false christians, witches, child molesters, satanists and liebral homers. It feels great to extend my welcomes to someone who isn't a total freak and who actually follows the Word of God.

I will personally pray that the brave men and women from your village will succeed in driving out the demons from Ivan's brewery.

It is good news in secluded village of Domnino, we have few governments to interfere with God's work. If you have capture witch, please pack her in crate and send to our village, where we will appropriately dispose!