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  • Andrew P. Freeman
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Apr 2011
    • 5
    #1

    Greetings, friends!

    Hello!

    I am a lumberjack, I built a Church for our Lord, and I pray in it hourly, along with my Christian friends.

    My favourite Bible verse is:

    2 Chronicles 13:15
    And Yahweh struck down all of Israel before Abijah and Judah.


    It shows us how our Lord will destroy those unworthy of forgivness, like Mooslims, Joos and Catlickers.


    I found Jesus at the age of 21, I was a heathen, almost becomong a slut. A pastor found me about to recive money for tallywhacker slapping, beat me to the ground, knocked my teeth out and dragged me to his church. There, he saved me in the name of the Lord.

    I am now a Christian, Caucasian male, with a Godly 6-Pack and A Godly axe to cut Godly trees (that our Lord wishes me to cut) and to smite heathens in the face in out Lords name
    Tags: None
    • Billy Bob Jenkins
      Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
      About as Straight and Manly as you can get
      Hates anal sex. And trees.
      True Christian™
      • May 2010
      • 8337
      #2
      Re: Greetings, friends!

      Lumberjack, eh? What sort of axe do you prefer?

      I consider cutting down trees doing the Lord's work because it gets the environmentalists' panties in a wad.
      The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

        Comment

        • Zechariah Smyth
          Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
          True Christian™
          • Feb 2011
          • 15251
          #3
          Re: Greetings, friends!

          My Bible doesn't mention "yahweh." 2 Chronicles 13:15 says:

          "Then the men of Judah gave a shout: and as the men of Judah shouted, it came to pass, that God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah"

          (emphasis mine)

          Yours in Christ,

          Z. Smyth
          sigpic

            Comment

            • Andrew P. Freeman
              Confirmed Enemy of God
              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
              • Apr 2011
              • 5
              #4
              Re: Greetings, friends!

              Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
              My Bible doesn't mention "yahweh." 2 Chronicles 13:15 says:

              "Then the men of Judah gave a shout: and as the men of Judah shouted, it came to pass, that God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah"

              (emphasis mine)

              Yours in Christ,

              Z. Smyth
              My Lord! I saw the cover of that "bible" I was reading, and it's the wrong one! I must go and get a proper one immediatly!

                Comment

                • Andrew P. Freeman
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • Apr 2011
                  • 5
                  #5
                  Re: Greetings, friends!

                  Originally posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
                  Lumberjack, eh? What sort of axe do you prefer?

                  I consider cutting down trees doing the Lord's work because it gets the environmentalists' panties in a wad.
                  I have a picture of my axe here:

                    Comment

                    • Zechariah Smyth
                      Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                      True Christian™
                      • Feb 2011
                      • 15251
                      #6
                      Re: Greetings, friends!

                      Originally posted by Andrew P. Freeman View Post
                      My Lord! I saw the cover of that "bible" I was reading, and it's the wrong one! I must go and get a proper one immediatly!
                      No decent shopkeeper will be open today.

                      (Exodus 20:8-10) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."

                      Try Monday.

                      YiC,

                      Z. Smyth
                      sigpic

                        Comment

                        • Andrew P. Freeman
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Apr 2011
                          • 5
                          #7
                          Re: Greetings, friends!

                          Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                          No decent shopkeeper will be open today.

                          (Exodus 20:8-10) "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates."

                          Try Monday.

                          YiC,

                          Z. Smyth
                          I do not need to buy one, each man who goes to my church owns 5, so he can give 4 out to others. I can just ask one of them for one, and then pay them. As they do not work as a shopkeeper, it is not working, it is giveing a gift and revieving one in return

                            Comment

                            • Zechariah Smyth
                              Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                              True Christian™
                              • Feb 2011
                              • 15251
                              #8
                              Re: Greetings, friends!

                              Originally posted by Andrew P. Freeman View Post
                              I do not need to buy one, each man who goes to my church owns 5, so he can give 4 out to others. I can just ask one of them for one, and then pay them. As they do not work as a shopkeeper, it is not working, it is giveing a gift and revieving one in return

                              Sounds to me like you are trying to get away with commerce on the day of rest, friend.



                              (Romans 8:25) "But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

                              YiC,

                              Z. Smyth
                              sigpic

                                Comment

                                • Rev. M. Rodimer
                                  Honorary True Christian™
                                  Forum Member
                                  • May 2008
                                  • 13996
                                  #9
                                  Re: Greetings, friends!

                                  Originally posted by Andrew P. Freeman View Post
                                  I have a picture of my axe here:

                                  You cut down trees with a reproduction battle axe? How many do you go through per tree?

                                  What's the matter, can't afford a chainsaw?
                                  Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                  Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                  You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                                    Comment

                                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                       
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 78556
                                      #10
                                      Re: Greetings, friends!

                                      Originally posted by Andrew P. Freeman View Post
                                      I have a picture of my axe here:

                                      This is not a lumberjack's ax. It's the ax of a queer.

                                      I think Andy here is putting us on.
                                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                        Comment

                                        • MisterM
                                          True Christian™
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Mar 2011
                                          • 1480
                                          #11
                                          Re: Greetings, friends!

                                          Oh my God...I think we got this kind of "lumberjack" here:

                                          ***** WARNING DISTURBING MATERIAL *****

                                          Romans 1:18 - For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

                                            Comment

                                            • Andrew P. Freeman
                                              Confirmed Enemy of God
                                              BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                              • Apr 2011
                                              • 5
                                              #12
                                              Re: Greetings, friends!

                                              Actually, I guess I forgot to mention, that's just one of the blades.

                                              The full thing has about 20 of those, which spin round in a circle.


                                              Also, I take offense to being named a homer, those are the kind of people I need to clean off my "axe" every day :/

                                                Comment

                                                • True Disciple
                                                  True Christian™ Creation Scientist
                                                  Landover Baptist University Associate Professor
                                                  Smashing atheist science one fact at a time
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Nov 2009
                                                  • 2445
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Greetings, friends!

                                                  Originally posted by Andrew P. Freeman View Post
                                                  Actually, I guess I forgot to mention, that's just one of the blades.

                                                  The full thing has about 20 of those, which spin round in a circle.


                                                  Also, I take offense to being named a homer, those are the kind of people I need to clean off my "axe" every day :/
                                                  Friend, you must understand, we get a lot of people here who pretend to be Christians, but in reality are godmocking homosexuals. That's why we are often wary when people who claim to be lumberjacks post pictures of plastic World of Warcraft battleaxes.

                                                  Nevertheless, welcome to our forum. How many sons do you have? Do you go to a True Christian(tm) Church?
                                                  Sweet Lord Jesus,
                                                  I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
                                                  Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
                                                  Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
                                                  Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
                                                  Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
                                                  Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
                                                  Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

                                                  Amen.

                                                    Comment

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