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  • Holy man Bruce
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Aug 2011
    • 9

    #1

    Hello other saved souls

    Dear Landover Baptist Church

    Hello fellow saved souls. I am from Ontario Canada where Sharia law has gripped the government and nonbelievers surround me. I decided that I needed to reach out to other saved people to keep my faith strong. So I had my son get me on the internet and here I am.

    With all the love of Christ, Bruce.
  • Billy Bob Jenkins
    Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
    About as Straight and Manly as you can get
    Hates anal sex. And trees.
    True Christian™
    • May 2010
    • 8337

    #2
    Re: Hello other saved souls

    Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
    Dear Landover Baptist Church

    Hello fellow saved souls. I am from Ontario Canada where Sharia law has gripped the government and nonbelievers surround me. I decided that I needed to reach out to other saved people to keep my faith strong. So I had my son get me on the internet and here I am.

    With all the love of Christ, Bruce.
    Holy God, brother, Amen!

    Please tell us what atrocious sin prompted you to seek forgiveness from Jesus Christ, which Independent Baptist Church do you attend, and how many Soldiers for Christ(tm) has your wife borne you?
    The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

    Comment

    • Holy man Bruce
      Unsaved trash
      Under Investigation
      • Aug 2011
      • 9

      #3
      Re: Hello other saved souls

      When I was a young boy around the age of 14. I lusted, I lusted after almost every women I saw. My pastor told me it was wrong but I didn't listen. Around the age 23 I looked for a wife but I couldn't find one, the lord was punishing me for my forsaking him in my childhood. So went to the altar and prayed to Jesus and that's when my wife walked into my life. Since then I live and breath for Christ. I attend the Stony way baptist church. But I believe it my have been infiltrated by Islam. Recently I have been reaching out both to mine and the children of the church to keep their souls on the righteous path with Christ.
      I am 54 and have a lovely wife with five children. One is currently going into the military and about to be shipped off to Afghanistan to keep the Islamics at bay.

      Comment

      • Billy Bob Jenkins
        Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
        About as Straight and Manly as you can get
        Hates anal sex. And trees.
        True Christian™
        • May 2010
        • 8337

        #4
        Re: Hello other saved souls

        Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
        When I was a young boy around the age of 14. I lusted, I lusted after almost every women I saw. My pastor told me it was wrong but I didn't listen. Around the age 23 I looked for a wife but I couldn't find one, the lord was punishing me for my forsaking him in my childhood. So went to the altar and prayed to Jesus and that's when my wife walked into my life. Since then I live and breath for Christ. I attend the Stony way baptist church. But I believe it my have been infiltrated by Islam. Recently I have been reaching out both to mine and the children of the church to keep their souls on the righteous path with Christ.
        I am 54 and have a lovely wife with five children. One is currently going into the military and about to be shipped off to Afghanistan to keep the Islamics at bay.
        Praise Jesus you found us, Bruce! In the midst of the abominable desolation that is Canada to boot!

        Praise Jesus!

        Canada and most unAmerican places have been thoroughly Islamized. How many suicide bombers have blown up in your city as of late? I'll bet the answer is hundreds.

        Only five children? You must mean only five sons. I am sorry to hear that. How many daughters has God cursed you with?
        The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

        Comment

        • Holy man Bruce
          Unsaved trash
          Under Investigation
          • Aug 2011
          • 9

          #5
          Re: Hello other saved souls

          Suicide bombers are rampant, the anti-Christian and anti-freedom government have heavy restrictions on firearms so the only option for islamics is to blow themselves up.

          I of course don't consider my daughters to be children, let alone letting them out of the house. They're devoted to learning the way of Jesus and providing children for him to fight Satan and his gang of Islamics.

          Comment

          • Billy Bob Jenkins
            Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
            About as Straight and Manly as you can get
            Hates anal sex. And trees.
            True Christian™
            • May 2010
            • 8337

            #6
            Re: Hello other saved souls

            Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
            Suicide bombers are rampant, the anti-Christian and anti-freedom government have heavy restrictions on firearms so the only option for islamics is to blow themselves up.

            I of course don't consider my daughters to be children, let alone letting them out of the house. They're devoted to learning the way of Jesus and providing children for him to fight Satan and his gang of Islamics.
            Well, Bruce, I am impressed. You seem like a righteous Christian man to me.

            What is your favorite gun? What sort of pie does your wife bake? How many homers have you hit? This is your introduction thread. Go all out.
            The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

            Comment

            • Faith_Machine
              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Mar 2011
              • 10050

              #7
              Re: Hello other saved souls

              Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
              They're devoted to learning the way of Jesus and providing children for him to fight Satan and his gang of Islamics.
              You didn't say anything about having married them off. Are you hard at work impregnating them yourself? Not to worry, friend, God may approve of your efforts!

              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

              Comment

              • Holy man Bruce
                Unsaved trash
                Under Investigation
                • Aug 2011
                • 9

                #8
                Re: Hello other saved souls

                Well I'm new to the whole internet thing but here goes. My favorite gun is my Jericho 941 and I own an AR-15, a .38 special, and a Remington 870. I get my wife to regularly bake cherry pies but if I discipline her she bakes my favorite pastry, cinnamon buns. She tries to tell me they're not good for her health but I remind her who's the man of the house and that's the lord Jesus who taught that women are to respect men.

                I have three daughters. Each are a year apart starting with a 16 year old then my 15 year old and finally my 14 year old. The 16 year old and the 15 year old are married. The 14 year old isn't married yet but she's eager.

                Comment

                • Billy Bob Jenkins
                  Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                  About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                  Hates anal sex. And trees.
                  True Christian™
                  • May 2010
                  • 8337

                  #9
                  Re: Hello other saved souls

                  Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
                  Well I'm new to the whole internet thing but here goes. My favorite gun is my Jericho 941 and I own an AR-15, a .38 special, and a Remington 870. I get my wife to regularly bake cherry pies but if I discipline her she bakes my favorite pastry, cinnamon buns. She tries to tell me they're not good for her health but I remind her who's the man of the house and that's the lord Jesus who taught that women are to respect men.

                  I have three daughters. Each are a year apart starting with a 16 year old then my 15 year old and finally my 14 year old. The 16 year old and the 15 year old are married. The 14 year old isn't married yet but she's eager.
                  Amen, Bruce. Amen.



                  I used to have a troublesome wife myself. Fortunately, she was anonymously stoned to death for lesbian harlotry. Now I am happily remarried. After all, Jesus allows divorce in instances of fornication.

                  Why do you have so few children? Did God strike your wife barren for her disobedience in the kitchen?
                  The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                  Comment

                  • Holy man Bruce
                    Unsaved trash
                    Under Investigation
                    • Aug 2011
                    • 9

                    #10
                    Re: Hello other saved souls

                    Well when we first got married I told my wife that I'm not having kids like the ones that are common these days that sit around and do nothing. So I decided that we would have a few kids but get them married, pregnant, and out on their own as soon as possible. Up here in Canada people don't have the old fashion American work ethic. What kids need is Jesus and a strong work ethic.

                    Comment

                    • Billy Bob Jenkins
                      Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                      About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                      Hates anal sex. And trees.
                      True Christian™
                      • May 2010
                      • 8337

                      #11
                      Re: Hello other saved souls

                      Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
                      Up here in Canada people don't have the old fashion American work ethic. What kids need is Jesus and a strong work ethic.
                      Quoted for truth.

                      You don't know any French Canadians, do you? I hear they are the worst. As gay as the French and as wimpy as the Canadians.
                      The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                      Comment

                      • Faith_Machine
                        Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                        True Christian™
                        • Mar 2011
                        • 10050

                        #12
                        Re: Hello other saved souls

                        Are your wife's cinnamon buns sticky?
                        WARNING:
                        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                        Comment

                        • Holy man Bruce
                          Unsaved trash
                          Under Investigation
                          • Aug 2011
                          • 9

                          #13
                          Re: Hello other saved souls

                          No more sticky than any other cinnamon rolls I would imagine.
                          Originally posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
                          Quoted for truth.

                          You don't know any French Canadians, do you? I hear they are the worst. As gay as the French and as wimpy as the Canadians.
                          Well french Canadians are few and far between but sometimes one pops up and if they do I have to steer my children clear. The filth they put out with their atrocious language might even make Satan weep. Women's rights and welfare, what fools. The only right women have is to serve Christ and if they're looking for welfare they can find it in the lord.

                          Comment

                          • Billy Bob Jenkins
                            Family Man of the Year 2010-2013
                            About as Straight and Manly as you can get
                            Hates anal sex. And trees.
                            True Christian™
                            • May 2010
                            • 8337

                            #14
                            Re: Hello other saved souls

                            Originally posted by Holy man Bruce View Post
                            The only right women have is to serve Christ and if they're looking for welfare they can find it in the lord.
                            AMEN.
                            The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

                            Comment

                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                               
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 78556

                              #15
                              Re: Hello other saved souls

                              If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

                              If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

                              You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

                              Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

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