Hi

[Underpants Gnome]

Hi,

I'm Bob L and I am an rationalist. Sorry I have no favorite Bible verse and none of those viscious nicknames for Hillary Clinton you guys seem to like.

I belive I knew BJ Tabor when he was out here in California a few years back. Anyway he invited me with a charming e-mail that said "LANDOVER IS YOUR LAST CHANCE BEFORE GOD KILLS YOUR FAGGOT ASS ATHEIST!"

So here I am.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hi

Hi,

I'm Bob L and I am an rationalist. Sorry I have no favorite Bible verse and none of those viscious nicknames for Hillary Clinton you guys seem to like.

I belive I knew BJ Tabor when he was out here in California a few years back. Anyway he invited me with a charming e-mail that said "LANDOVER IS YOUR LAST CHANCE BEFORE GOD KILLS YOUR FAGGOT ASS ATHEIST!"

So here I am.

Well friend, that certainly sounds like something our Bobby Joe would say. He sure is a good old boy.

I praise God that His spirit has led you to our forum. If you'll make room in your heart for Jesus, He'll help you cast aside all of that cold rationalism of yours and replace it with God's loving Grace.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Hi

Whew doggies! Introducing yourself like that is like standing out in a cow pasture during a thunderstorm with both feet in a galvanized watering trough, holding a 20-foot iron pipe, with a sign taped to your head that says "Strike Here".

KeeerrPOOOOWWWW!

A rationalist is only a True Christian who hasn't had his first root canal yet. You get up in the chair, the Devil pulls out a Dremel tool and goes to work, and in ten minutes you're screaming to Jesus the Christ for mercy.

You know what they said in The War: There are no rationalists in foxtrots. FOXHOLES! No atheists in foxholes.

But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? 2 Kings 18:27

Come not unto our forum expecting us to eat the dung of rationalism and drink piss of atheism with you. Instead, drop down on your prayerbones so hard your kneecaps pop off and go skittering away like bloodsmeared hockey pucks, and PRAISE THE LORD!

~~ OEJ

[Underpants Gnome]

Re: Hi

Thanks guys. This isn't as half bad as I expected. I figured you would all be like Bobby-Joe, just scream and yell until the cops show up and run away. No I am not about to convert and offers of “filling me with Jesus love” creeps me out. I don’t suppose Bobby-Joe told you about the time he tried to convert all those transvestite hookers in a hotel room once?

Oh an One-Eyed Jack, I suppose it is really good I live in San Francisco were we get almost no lighting. Then if I were struck down you guys would have real proof. But wouldn’t that mess up the whole thing? I mean if I follow you guys reasoning if I were struck down by a lighting bolt it would mean god doesn’t exist because it proves he does. Is that right?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hi

Thanks guys. This isn't as half bad as I expected. I figured you would all be like Bobby-Joe, just scream and yell until the cops show up and run away. No I am not about to convert and offers of “filling me with Jesus love” creeps me out. I don’t suppose Bobby-Joe told you about the time he tried to convert all those transvestite hookers in a hotel room once?

Oh an One-Eyed Jack, I suppose it is really good I live in San Francisco were we get almost no lighting. Then if I were struck down you guys would have real proof. But wouldn’t that mess up the whole thing? I mean if I follow you guys reasoning if I were struck down by a lighting bolt it would mean god doesn’t exist because it proves he does. Is that right?

Ah look Bob, it is nice to see you again and all that but don't you have to go off and do something wicked in that city you live in? I am sure all this religious talk boors you.

[Underpants Gnome]

Re: Hi

Ah look Bob, it is nice to see you again and all that but don't you have to go off and do something wicked in that city you live in? I am sure all this religious talk boors you.

Oh yes, none of the stuff you said about religion ever made sense. I mean god made us evil because god is good. I still don't know what that means.

I see you are memeber of C.U.N.T. That's new, back in 2000 you used to go arround saying we should vote Republican because you couldn't get enough of Bush and Dick.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hi

Oh an One-Eyed Jack, I suppose it is really good I live in San Francisco were we get almost no lighting.

You rationalists really are messed up. That's the first time I've ever seen someone say "it's really good that God is going to send an earthquake to kill me for being surrounded by queers."

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Hi

Ah, you live in the Sodom of America. "If you're gaying in Sin Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your fly...." Probably that's not really fair to the Fair City Strangling the Bay, but fairness is not our policy. Not mine, anyway.

Now, any friend of Brother Bobby-Joe is, um, a possible acquaintance of mine. But I find I have run smack-bang into a Rock of Required Rebuking here. I mean, you lit off with a claim of rationalism and implied religious skepticism right in the middle of not just any forum, but the Landover Baptist TRUE CHRISTIAN forum.

I'm gonna have to pray. I cain't see no way arount it.

O Lord of Hosts, I am down on my old knees here, praying to You to let down some of Your holiness on this poor misguided rationalarian. HEAL his twisted brain, Lord! Grasp his tangled neurons in Your mighty FISTS OF MERCY and yank 'em straight and true as Grandmammy Schnicks' cotton clothes-lines!

Now, Lord, just betwixt You and me, I have suffered from the scourge of rationalism in my time. Yessir. The scourge of rationalism, and also the scourge of irritable bowel syndrome...and the rationalism is worse! Because with rationalism, you never know what kind of blasphemous sh*t is gonna come a-spewing out!

So HELP this poor fella, Lord! In Your inestimable mercy and wisdom, SMITE his mind with the glorious light of Your indefaggotable Truth! Pop his eyeballs out of their sockets with a glimpse of Your unreasoning GLORY! Slap that bad ole RATIONALISM right acrost the room and inter the woodstove, where it will burn itself back to Hell where it belongs!

As the Gospel of Mark might have put it, "Lord, I reason; help Thou my unreasoning."

Amen.

~~ OEJ

[Underpants Gnome]

Re: Hi

You rationalists really are messed up. That's the first time I've ever seen someone say "it's really good that God is going to send an earthquake to kill me for being surrounded by queers."

Earthquakes, yes, Bobby-Joe went on a lot about those. We had a 4.0 once and he went threw the apartment building screaming "God going to squash you faggots now!" at 4:00am and broke into the liquor store that the corner.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Hi

Earthquakes, yes, Bobby-Joe went on a lot about those. We had a 4.0 once and he went threw the apartment building screaming "God going to squash you faggots now!" at 4:00am and broke into the liquor store that the corner.

Listen Mr City of Brotherly Love, you're not here to tell twisted stories about me, your' hear to hear the word of the Lord like One-Eyed Jack said. Jesus is going to squash that city of your soon and then it will be too late for you faggot!

[Underpants Gnome]

Re: Hi

Listen Mr City of Brotherly Love, you're not here to tell twisted stories about me, your' hear to hear the word of the Lord like One-Eyed Jack said. Jesus is going to squash that city of your soon and then it will be too late for you faggot!

(Sigh) Bobby-Joe, you know I am married. You've meet Sofi, or rather screamed at her. You know the time you played scarbble with us and you claimed half the words we were using were obscene?

Any way the reason I am here is because you asked about my sister. No, she doesn't want to move to Iowa and be plurral wife, what ever that is, in your factory.