Saved by the Bell!

[Jeb]

Hello fellow brothers and sisters! You can call me "Brother from another Mother"

I have been recently saved by the grace of almighty himself. He came to speak with me the other night, and this is what he had to say:

"Dear Son, (not like I was his son or anything, but how you could call out a younger male)

Dear Son,

I have seen you do good things, and I have seen you do bad things, and I am very angry with you when you think about such deeds, please be pure to yourself and follow my lead"

I was not exactly sure what he was talking about, until a few hours later...it hit me right where the good lord split me.

My herpes, just disappeared instantly! So I thank the lord for what he has done for me, and all of my prayers have paid off, and I wanted to share my story will all the rest of you brothers and sisters.

Now if I could just get some help for my own brother, he is one of those damned homosexuals. Its hard to love your brother when he likes to play with johnsons. How can I find it in my to forgive him, or should I damn him to hell just like the rest of the homosexuals?

The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God. (Psalm 9:17)

[Jeb]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Oh, I forgot to mention this:

*My name is Brother FAM
*My religion is yours
*I am blond hair, blue eyes.
*I am 6'2" 250lbs pure no tats / no piercings / no drugs other than what god himself has given me.
*I seek refuge at church 5 nights a week, and 2 mornings a weekend. I preach underneath the fathers words. Like an echo with another voice.
*I am the best thing to happen to this small town of Whitesville, Indiana.
*Our towns slogan is "Whitesville is Rightsville", that was adopted 5 years ago when I presented the idea to the town board.
*I donate every penny I make to the church, and I live off the land I own.
*I have 1 wife, her name is not important, heck, I forget it half the time, as long as she stays in the kitchen and has a good meal on the table waiting for me when I get home, thats all that matters.
*I am what I am therefor I am what you wish you were.

[Jeb]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Well golly be gosh, I can't find the edit button to save my soul from the devil himself.

I forgot to list my sins:

*I started masturbating at the tender age of 3, my father told me it was ok since I was holding a picture of the Virgin Mary, I have been doing it every night since, I do it without even thinking about it nowadays.

*I hit my wife for years, until she finally learned to obey me the first time.

*They say I killed a man, a black man once, it was really self defense. Who would have known a blind black man would attack me from behind, the gun was his, not mine, and he pulled the trigger, it just so happened to bounce off my shirt button and strike him dead in the head.

I go to Whitesville Church in Whitesville, Indiana.

I am blessed in all the ways you wish you were blessed, including gods hand.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Hey there, Brother FAM. You do realize, don't you, that herpes is a disease which routinely goes into remission all by itself?

Therefore, we won't know whether we've got a genuine miracle on our hands until LMAD (the Landover Miracle Authentication Department) has had a chance to have somebody from their medical team lay hands on you and render an opinion.

[Jeb]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Hey there, Brother FAM. You do realize, don't you, that herpes is a disease which routinely goes into remission all by itself?

Therefore, we won't know whether we've got a genuine miracle on our hands until LMAD (the Landover Miracle Authentication Department) has had a chance to have somebody from their medical team lay hands on you and render an opinion.

Woah! You know a little too much about herpes yourself! Do you also have the Swingers Touch? I would not blame ya if you did, its hard to control yourself while pleasing yourself with Gods will.

I have already been to LMAD, went there earlier today, drove all the way from Indiana. Its quite nice that there are no computers in your facility, no devil hackers to look at my personal info and sell it to the dysfunctional banks. Though I must say, whom ever is in charge there looked a little bit under the weather if you know what I mean.

Other than that, I checked out ok, and nothing is to be feared but God himself. (and also the homosexuals)

[Holyfield]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

I can only hope that someone puts you in the Landover Rehabilitation Centre before you cause more damage.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

"Brother from another mother"...isn't that something colored people say?

Son, are you a closet colored person?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

"Brother from another mother"...isn't that something colored people say?

Son, are you a closet colored person?

Could be a "wigger" AKA Biebernaut.

Yours in Christ,

Zech

[VictoryOS]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Could be a "wigger" AKA Biebernaut.

Yours in Christ,

Zech

I didn't think of that, Brother Smyth.

Why on earth would a White person want to emulate a colored? That's almost as ridiculous as a man having his secrets chopped off so he can pretend to be a woman! If the Good Lord sees fit to bless you with an advantage, why would you want to throw that away?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

I didn't think of that, Brother Smyth.

Why on earth would a White person want to emulate a colored? That's almost as ridiculous as a man having his secrets chopped off so he can pretend to be a woman! If the Good Lord sees fit to bless you with an advantage, why would you want to throw that away?

I just don't know, Sister Victory. I just don't know. Self-hate is an ugly thing. And concerning your analogy, it's likely this young fellow is a pre-op transsexual so there might already be two strikes against him.

Sad.

[Jeb]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

"Brother from another mother"...isn't that something colored people say?

Son, are you a closet colored person?

If colored say that then its the first I have heard of it, you must be spending too much time with your servants, and not enough time serving your man.

Is your mother mine? I think not, therefor I am your brother from another mother. Is my father your father? I think yes, we are all Gods children, but thy mother is not yours.

Please stop spending so much time with your colored servants, they are not there to be your friend, they are not there to share stories with, they are there to serve your family because you are unable to all the work yourself, be blessed your husband lets you get by with little nigglet helpers.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

How DARE you accuse me of being racist!

[Jeb]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

How DARE you accuse me of being racist!

Victory, why did you vote for Obama, that is against the rules.

I am not sure if you will be forgiven for that foul act. You seem to know too much about Ebonics slang, would you like to enlighten all of us how you know such things?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Oh, I forgot to mention this:

*My name is Brother FAM
*My religion is yours
*I am blond hair, blue eyes.
*I am 6'2" 250lbs pure no tats / no piercings / no drugs other than what god himself has given me.
*I seek refuge at church 5 nights a week, and 2 mornings a weekend. I preach underneath the fathers words. Like an echo with another voice.
*I am the best thing to happen to this small town of Whitesville, Indiana.
*Our towns slogan is "Whitesville is Rightsville", that was adopted 5 years ago when I presented the idea to the town board.
*I donate every penny I make to the church, and I live off the land I own.
*I have 1 wife, her name is not important, heck, I forget it half the time, as long as she stays in the kitchen and has a good meal on the table waiting for me when I get home, thats all that matters.
*I am what I am therefor I am what you wish you were.

Jeb, you sound like a guy with a chip on his shoulder. Better spend some time in your Prayer Closet and pray for humility.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

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[VictoryOS]

Re: Saved by the Bell!

Victory, why did you vote for Obama, that is against the rules.

I am not sure if you will be forgiven for that foul act. You seem to know too much about Ebonics slang, would you like to enlighten all of us how you know such things?

Sir, may I remind you that I vote for exactly who my Husband commands me to vote for. So by accusing me of voting for Obama, you have by extension accused my Husband of voting for Obama.

Since you're new here, perhaps you're unaware of the fact that my Husband is an Officer of THE LAW. So you had better make sure all your taillights are in proper working order if you plan on driving through this neck of the woods, especially if you're hauling some of those hippie drugs you're so fond of using.

That's not a threat. That's a warning.