[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Please don't keep me waiting... I might find something on this forum that will make me re-think my ways. Perhaps something like this?

Cassandra was a major disapointment to us. She went from Christian child to bitter feminazi to full-on lezbean witch.

I think Brother BJ still has her in his basement....

Anyway, I want to make it clear that you are not the least bit welcome in Freehold, and that you would be stopped by our DOF security long before you could even catch sight of our Church complex.

No, unless and until you repent of your whorish ways and accept Jesus deep into your soul, you are unwelcome around here.

Sermons can be read HERE.

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

You would have no rights until you succumbed to the Pastor's "Circle of Victory" ritual.

What's that?

[Deaner]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

I meant with your belief. If I came to your Church in person what would my rights be? I just want someone to tell me outright.

You would have no rights until you succumbed to the Pastor's "Circle of Victory" ritual.

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Has the Webcam arrived yet? I paid extra for express shipping!

No it hasn't.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Has the Webcam arrived yet? I paid extra for express shipping!

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

We're different at Landover Baptist. Many churches would lure you in with sweet lies and try to sucker you in.

We don't do that at all. Our church is our Temple of Solomon. Its hallowed walls are our Holy of Holies. Those who are not pure enough to go in wait in the courtyard and watch the service on CCTV. Those who are the unsaved cannot even enter our temple at all.

The first time I entered Pastor Zeke's rectory, they actually tied a rope around my leg just in case the LORD killed me dead on the spot so they could just drag my body out. Of course later he explained it was all symbolic and then we moved on to other things, but I'll never forget that.

Sounds interesting. I wouldn't mind visiting one day (that was genuinely said)

With that being said I suppose I stick around. Are there any sermons you suggest for a someone new to the faith?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

I meant with your belief. If I came to your Church in person what would my rights be? I just want someone to tell me outright.

We're different at Landover Baptist. Many churches would lure you in with sweet lies and try to sucker you in.

We don't do that at all. Our church is our Temple of Solomon. Its hallowed walls are our Holy of Holies. Those who are not pure enough to go in wait in the courtyard and watch the service on CCTV. Those who are the unsaved cannot even enter our temple at all.

The first time I entered Pastor Zeke's rectory, they actually tied a rope around my leg just in case the LORD killed me dead on the spot so they could just drag my body out. Of course later he explained it was all symbolic and then we moved on to other things, but I'll never forget that.

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Your rights are listed right here. Until you start praising the Lord or become ever so much more interesting.

I meant with your belief. If I came to your Church in person what would my rights be? I just want someone to tell me outright.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Can someone please explain to me my place among you, how much respect I get, my rights?

Your rights are listed here until you start praising the Lord or become ever so much more interesting.

At least Jesus hasn't kicked you off, though.

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

really?, I didn't know being Australian made me a whore. I suppose being American makes you perfect then?

Please don't keep me waiting... I might find something on this forum that will make me re-think my ways. Perhaps something like this?

Can someone please explain to me my place among you, how much respect I get, my rights?

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Because you're an austrian!

really?, I didn't know being Australian made me a whore. I suppose being American makes you perfect then?

Please don't keep me waiting... I might find something on this forum that will make me re-think my ways. Perhaps something like this?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Why does everyone call me a whore?

Because you're an austrian!

[LadyRaven]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Wipe that whoreish greasepaint off your face, dye your hair back to the color Jesus made it, and start showing some proper shame.

I've never really been very fond of your wording, kind of offputting but ok. But what is proper shame?

Get that crusty goth cum off your face too.

I've never had that experience, don't think I want to either.
Why does everyone call me a whore?

[Deaner]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

Wipe that whoreish greasepaint off your face, dye your hair back to the color Jesus made it, and start showing some proper shame.

Get that crusty goth cum off your face too.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Raven seeks redemption

You had a little Greek?

No, Sister Kitty, I'm talking about Knob Creek Bourbon Whiskey!



You may recall that I used to be a crystal meth addict, and am now 100% clean and sober. Therefore, Knob Creek is the only indulgence I allow myself. Just a little bit after dinner, to settle my stomach.

The next time you're in Kentucky, be sure and stop by the Knob Creek Gun Range. Nothing's more relaxing that spending a nice afternoon sipping Knob Creek and shooting at passing motorists targets.