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flag Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 05:55 PM

Praise Jesus!
It has been a lot of hard work the past four days but we all agreed this is a state of emergency, as the number of Australiens who have found salvation can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. With help from Australien President Ron Howard, we can now formally announce Landover Baptist Church's Mission to Australia. Fifteen True Christian™ missionaries are going to the darkest jungles of that Godforsaken land to spread the Gospel to a nation of unrepentant drunks and criminals!
Led by Brother Abner Jenkins, these fifteen brave souls will land via the church's private jet in the village of Sydney on July 15 at 8:20am local time, the day after 250,000 King James Bibles should arrive via container ship at the local pier. If you're concerned that all the Bibles will be stolen before the plane even lands, not to worry, the plan is to distribute the KJV1611s via the Australiens' natural tendency toward theft anyway, so if they get a day's head start, then that's an extra day for the Lord to work His miracles!
The missionaries plan to start proselytizing in Sydney's main square, Cook and Phillip Park at 2:00pm local time, and will spend at least five hours there the first day.
Over the next year, these dedicated men and their wives will travel the length and breadth of this jungle island to all the large villages, and even some of the smaller ones. The itinerary currently includes Melbourne, Adelaide, Vienna, Brisbane, Salzburg, Canberra and more. There is a village called Darwin that they will save for last, and should have enough saved Australien souls by then to help bolster their numbers and take down this bastion of EVILution. If all goes well, and with the Lord on their side it should, by the time they're done the plan is to have "Darwin" renamed to "Salvationville".
The biggest issue facing our stalwart team of missionaries is the question of Australien illiteracy. We're praying that most Kiwis (a nickname for Australiens) have at least some basic reading skills, but fortunately Brother Abner's wife, Sister Gladys Jenkins, was a teacher before she found Jesus (see, God does have a plan for us all). She will teach the young boys how to read, which leaves the men of the mission time to teach the adult men of Australia basic literacy.
1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
Normally the pastors waive this when it comes to dealing with unsaved trash, but because of the sheer size of this project, they feel it's important to show the Australiens proper Godly gender roles from the very beginning.
With the Lord's blessing, we should have enough Australiens saved, particularly enough higher-end tithers, that Landover Baptist Church should be able to start building our very first southern hemisphere franchise by 2010! PRAISE!
Please join me in praying for the unqualified success of this most blessed of expeditions! Hallelujah! Amen!


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 05:57 PM

For those of you who are interested, the following pamphlet has already been printed for the missionaries to take with them, to give them an idea of what they have to work with and to help them identify the most prominent members of Australien society.
Attached Images
 


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 08:43 PM

Our bulletins for this Sunday have been printed they contain this announcement. We will have a special love offering for this mission this Sunday, and then five more times between now and June.

Praise Jesus!

Pastor Billy-Reuben


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 08:49 PM

Sister M&M, I have drafted out a long Memo to our President Bush demanding that we divert the resources of our Armed Forces from Iraqistan and Afghanistania to make a full blown assault of Australia.
For far too long these Offsprings of Criminals and Homersexuals have had it all their own way in ruining this small Island.
Once these Heathens have been forced off the Island and into the Sea we can start building what could possibly be the next new State of America.
In fact, even a New Freehold!!

Name:  AustFlagNew.gif
Views: 1460
Size:  15.4 KB

Of course, we'd keep a few of the more intelligent locals for help around the home.
Personally, I'd like to have a couple of Abo's in my home right now. They seem so much more intelligent than some of the backward whites we've been getting here.



Sister Talitha

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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 09:02 PM

Nice work Sister Talitha.

But isn't it far more easy and more appropriate to just add one star, or let's say half of one into the Godly Star Spangled Banner?




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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 09:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliette View Post
Nice work Sister Talitha.

But isn't it far more easy and more appropriate to just add one star, or let's say half of one into the Godly Star Spangled Banner?
Thats a great Idea. The Australian state flag can be Sister Talithas, and an extra star can be added to the SSB.
Jobs done.
I used to have that flag as my avatar. I think Ill change it back again...it seems 'timely'.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 11:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Once these Heathens have been forced off the Island and into the Sea we can start building what could possibly be the next new State of America.
In fact, even a New Freehold!!

Attachment 3586
I like it! But if I may make a couple of suggestions...
Attached Images
  


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

Blogging for CHRIST!
Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-15-2008, 11:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
I like it! But if I may make a couple of suggestions...
I like the creative energy going on at the moment. May I offer this link to assist you in any other endeavours you care to undertake?
http://www.irishaustralia.com/Austra...m/flagsetc.htm


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 12:38 AM

Praise Jesus everyone! The Holy Ghost is hard at work on this day!!

The work will be long and arduous, Brothers and sisters. I know that Brother Guy has been our point man on this project, but now that the Pastors have decided to launch a full-blown effort, we have to give it our all.

The abos are deranged drug addicts and sex maniacs. No less dangerous are the "whites," a pack of inbred criminals who spend their days drinking Fosters and raping each other. Sodomy is encouraged by what passes for a government there, and there are few laws if any. The good news is that the population is quite cowardly, and they respond well when given orders by their natural superiors, Americans. Apparently the locals have long thought of themselves as America's "extra state," so we may have rapid success.

A steady supply of Bible will be sent, and several cases of Chick Tracts are on their way even as we speak, to be airdropped all over the Godless cesspool called Australasia. While we aren't sure about what percentage of the population are capable of speaking American, Brother Guy has assured us that inundating the island with KJV Bibles and good Christian Chick Tracts will pay dividends in the long run.

I am pleased to announce that the Haliburton Corporation has agreed to handle logistics and security for us. We are hoping to lure Brother Trent away from his duties in Iraq to help oversee things on that end.

More information will be released as our Godly pogrom progresses. Praise Jesus!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 01:00 AM

As per Sister Mary Marias suggestion, I am drawing up the petition to change the City of Darwin to the city of 'Salvationville' as we speak.

Members of the Department of faith are outlining plans to force Rugby League players to wear helmets, and restrict television coverage to Pay per view only.
Thats just for starters. We'll have these Godless Australians worshipping Jesus and loving it or they'll die trying.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 01:10 AM

PRAISE JESUS! PRAISE to Him Who has guided our righteous leaders to that singular enclave of heathenism and depravity, that UNholy island called Australia!

This proves beyond a doubt that Landover Baptist Church is indeed the ONE TRUE CHURCH! For we are the FIRST to send missionaries and emissaries to that Godless land, even though its sordid history is well known throughout the world. It is a repository of rejects, criminals, and undesirables of every stripe who were vanquished from Engerland--from ENGERLAND, of all places, where homerism and drugism and every other perversion is not only tolerated but encouraged! The Engerlish found these individuals too sickening and perverted even for their own lax morality, so instead of dealing with them, they shipped them as far away from Engerland as they could, dumped them, and left them to their own devices--and we here today are seeing the result of that cowardly action!

But True Christians™ never shirk their duty, and are bold in spirit. And so the blessed leaders of our Church shall go forth in the Spirit of the Lord and bring order to that blighted, benighted land.

My heart is so full that my cups runneth over! GLORY!


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 01:50 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Guy View Post
As per Sister Mary Marias suggestion, I am drawing up the petition to change the City of Darwin to the city of 'Salvationville' as we speak.

Members of the Department of faith are outlining plans to force Rugby League players to wear helmets, and restrict television coverage to Pay per view only.
Thats just for starters. We'll have these Godless Australians worshipping Jesus and loving it or they'll die trying.
Here's the Darwin City flag. Note how the Drunken white settler and The Aborigine are engaged in a tussle over the coat of arms, presumably for its recycling value as scrap metal.
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The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 02:07 AM

this flag is far more accurate.
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The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 02:15 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Guy View Post
Here's the Darwin City flag. Note how the Drunken white settler and The Aborigine are engaged in a tussle over the coat of arms, presumably for its recycling value as scrap metal.
Wait a minute; Are you telling me that they have a city named after that drug-addicted monkey-worshiper? The guy who foisted one of the greatest hoaxes on Mankind ever perpetrated (evilution) and wanted to marry his cocker spaniel!?

Then it really is true. There is absolutely no morality in that vile island cesspool. I am stunned.

I suppose that have a city named "satan" as well?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Wait a minute; Are you telling me that they have a city named after that drug-addicted monkey-worshiper? The guy who foisted one of the greatest hoaxes on Mankind ever perpetrated (evilution) and wanted to marry his cocker spaniel!?

Then it really is true. There is absolutely no morality in that vile island cesspool. I am stunned.

I suppose that have a city named "satan" as well?
No, but they do have an animal called a Tasmanian devil. The state of Tasmania was known by convicts as 'The Isle of Sodomy',while it was being used as a Prison colony.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 03:10 AM

Well I never. It turns out that the Initial design for the Australian Flag , back in 1900 , was almost identical to the Stars and Stripes!! A Subsequent competition to redesign the Australian flag had 5 winners - one of whom was a Kiwi! The Australian flag was designed by a New Zealander!!!
http://www.irishaustralia.com/Austra...m/flagsetc.htm
William Stevens, Steamship Officer, Auckland, New Zealand (1866-1928) .

"In 1900 the Melbourne journal the Evening Herald held a competition with a prize of 25 Pounds for the best design for a Federal Australian Flag, and eventually a prize design was selected.

This design bears no resemblance to the present National Flag, and actually was of stars and stripes on the pattern of the United States Flag. "


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 03:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Guy View Post
Well I never. It turns out that the Initial design for the Australian Flag , back in 1900 , was almost identical to the Stars and Stripes!! A Subsequent competition to redesign the Australian flag had 5 winners - one of whom was a Kiwi! The Australian flag was designed by a New Zealander!!!
http://www.irishaustralia.com/Austra...m/flagsetc.htm
William Stevens, Steamship Officer, Auckland, New Zealand (1866-1928) .

"In 1900 the Melbourne journal the Evening Herald held a competition with a prize of 25 Pounds for the best design for a Federal Australian Flag, and eventually a prize design was selected.

This design bears no resemblance to the present National Flag, and actually was of stars and stripes on the pattern of the United States Flag. "
and there's more ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_Australia
The flag's initial reception was mixed. The then republican[7] magazine The Bulletin labelled it,
a staled réchauffé of the British flag, with no artistic virtue, no national significance... Minds move slowly: and Australia is still Britain's little boy. What more natural than that he should accept his father's cut-down garments, – lacking the power to protest, and only dimly realising his will. That bastard flag is a true symbol of the bastard state of Australian opinion.[8]


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 03:34 AM

I was so excited while posting this information that I may have made it a bit muddled. I'd like to 'restructure' the information, so that Australians can understand it without getting too confused... here goes...
  1. Australias first national flag looked like the Stars and stripes
  2. It was then redesigned by a kiwi, and that design is the current Aussie flag
  3. It features the union jack of the UK, a completely different country
  4. it looks identical to the NZ flag and a huge number of other Ensigns and Oceanic Nations flags so closely resembling the Australian flag that they are difficult to tell apart.
  5. Significantly, it fails to feature the hotline number for Alcoholics Anonymous,which should be included as a matter of national importance
  6. neither does it feature any contact details for MENSA, for obvious reasons.
Do ya unda stand wot Ive written mates?


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 03:46 AM

I'm sure our brothers and sisters will be welcome with open arms when they arrive in Sydney harbor. This is from a travel brochure:

Quote:
In Australia we foster an awareness of the benefit of responsible citizenship within our society. We strive to develop understanding, acceptance and respect for all individuals and groups regardless of race, culture, creed, gender or religious belief. We look to develop citizens with Catholic or Christian values who can relate constructively and compassionately to others.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia" - 02-16-2008, 03:55 AM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I'm sure our brothers and sisters will be welcome with open arms when they arrive in Sydney harbor. This is from a travel brochure:
Id very much like to see a scan or link to that please Brother King.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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