Introduction

[Gregory Jubilay]

Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Introduction

Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him.

Whether or not gas is expensive, you still have to go:

Hebrews 10:24-25: And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

By the way, tell us how you came to find Jesus.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Introduction

Welcome young man. Clearly your faith is not a strong as it should be, or you would know the answer is always in God's precious Word.

Genesis 25:21 "And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived."

Have you even intreated our Lord yet? I will pray that you learn to always turn to the KJV1611 Holy Bible for ALL answers in life.

2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:"

In Christ

[James Hutchins]

Re: Introduction

Can't you just take your helicopter to Church? All the ranches my dad had use helicopters. When the driveway is twenty miles, just getting the mail takes too long. Or is your ranch too small?

[Christianzionist]

Re: Introduction

Your first name beigins with a G and your last name ends with AY.

Is this a cryptogram? Are you trying to subliminal message us?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Introduction

Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!

So, you have a "large-scale cattle ranch" which is right next to "a large concentration" of prostitutes, even though the nearest city is Chico.

Care to try that again?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Introduction

If this is Chico, California we're talking about, I am prepared to believe there's a lot of whoring going on there. It is, after all, a "college town."

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Introduction

God gave you legs. Walk to church.

Also, what is your favourite Bible verse? How did you come to faith in Christ?

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Introduction

Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!

From one cattle rancher to another, welcome, Gregory.

Sorry about the wife. It is stunning how difficulty they choose to be. Why a woman refuses to have soldiers for Christ is beyond me!

I'll have your family in my prayers.

YiC,

Pastor Ed

[Christianzionist]

Re: Introduction

Being a cow hand, do you ever feel the need to combat "brokeback" moments of country solitude with your close buddies?

If so, what scriptures do you read to calm the nerves?

[Gregory Jubilay]

Re: Introduction

Hello,

Reverend Rodimer, I believe that your skepticism that the ranching business lacks many prostitutes is based upon the prevailing assumption that "large concentrations" of prostitutes are usually centered around more urban areas. However, there are a couple of answers:

1. The term "large" is relative to my city; with only about 25 thousand people in the city, even twenty or thirty prostitutes may be a large number.
2. As the annoying kids from Chico state are always getting escorts, I always see those dirty whores in the yard coming in to do that stupid cow-tipping activity!

On other notes, I must apologize, but my first connections to Christ was through my parents--they were devout Catholics, and that was also probably why I never understood what was happening and never really connected with God. However, the only solace I could find in my family, which constantly engaged in strange sexual acts too often to feed me, the only son, was through the Bible. I come to this forum in order to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and try to improve myself before I find myself too late.

My favorite Bible passage is:

But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the Earth was formed out of water and by water. (2 Peter 3:5)

I am a man of science, and I believe that this passage settles the matter on a scientific resolution of the world's creation. It is a pity no one ever listens.

[Gregory Jubilay]

Re: Introduction

Great news, my friends!

I have found my old helicopter and, through the strength of the Lord, discovered a new tank of gas and the instruction manual! Even though the manual had about five pages ripped out, I believe that I can work it properly and go to church again.

Praise be to God!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Introduction

Hold on Gregory, you're saying Chico State students hire whores and then take them cow tipping?

I'm pretty sure that's not what people normally hire whores for.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Introduction

Hold on Gregory, you're saying Chico State students hire whores and then take them cow tipping?

I'm pretty sure that's not what people normally hire whores for.

Good point, Brother!

My congregation has a "Whores for Floors" ministry, through which we bring prostitutes from Indianapolis out to North Salem on Saturday afternoons. They then scrub the floors of several of my congregation's bachelors, and often perform other cleaning tasks. Some married men also avail themselves of the service.

You see, we figured that the girls are so used to being on their knees, that it made sense for them to do something productive while they're down there.

The program is a resounding success! The girls make good money in honest labor, and every man who has had them come by has come to church with a big smile the next day!

[Gregory Jubilay]

Re: Introduction

Dear, Faith_Machine,

I'm afraid I might have been very confusing. I was ranting a while about how all those college students would always run onto my ranch and do stupid things like cow-tipping, etc. The amount of stupid screw-around college kids hanging around the ranching areas subsequently also led to a large amount of prostitutes there.
Reverend, that is a great idea! In our church, we never thought of that, so we sometimes tried to mitigate the threat by taking the prostitutes and trying to find them husbands. That way, they can do what they do best except in the care of God's ideal family.