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  • Introduction

    Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!
    Genesis 6:6: And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

  • #2
    Re: Introduction

    Originally posted by Gregory Jubilay View Post
    Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him.
    Whether or not gas is expensive, you still have to go:

    Hebrews 10:24-25: And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

    By the way, tell us how you came to find Jesus.
    This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

    Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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    • #3
      Re: Introduction

      Welcome young man. Clearly your faith is not a strong as it should be, or you would know the answer is always in God's precious Word.

      Genesis 25:21 "And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived."

      Have you even intreated our Lord yet? I will pray that you learn to always turn to the KJV1611 Holy Bible for ALL answers in life.

      2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:"

      In Christ
      Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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      • #4
        Re: Introduction

        Can't you just take your helicopter to Church? All the ranches my dad had use helicopters. When the driveway is twenty miles, just getting the mail takes too long. Or is your ranch too small?
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

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        • #5
          Re: Introduction

          Your first name beigins with a G and your last name ends with AY.

          Is this a cryptogram? Are you trying to subliminal message us?

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Introduction

            Originally posted by Gregory Jubilay View Post
            Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!
            So, you have a "large-scale cattle ranch" which is right next to "a large concentration" of prostitutes, even though the nearest city is Chico.

            Care to try that again?
            Bible boring? Nonsense!
            Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
            You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

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            • #7
              Re: Introduction

              If this is Chico, California we're talking about, I am prepared to believe there's a lot of whoring going on there. It is, after all, a "college town."
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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              • #8
                Re: Introduction

                God gave you legs. Walk to church.

                Also, what is your favourite Bible verse? How did you come to faith in Christ?
                sigpicMt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

                Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies

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                • #9
                  Re: Introduction

                  Originally posted by Gregory Jubilay View Post
                  Hello, my name is Gregory Jubilay, and as shown by my profile, I am a large-scale cattle rancher in Paradise, CA. Since our city is so big and gas so expensive, we have not been able to go to church for the past twenty years; thus, in order to do His work, I have set up a small prayer garden myself for Him. It is located next to a large concentration of escorts and harlots, as for them to come and visit my house as well, where I attempt to give them His voice. I live with my wife, who is, sadly, infertile despite my constant hired exorcisms and beatings! Can any True Christians help me?!
                  From one cattle rancher to another, welcome, Gregory.

                  Sorry about the wife. It is stunning how difficulty they choose to be. Why a woman refuses to have soldiers for Christ is beyond me!

                  I'll have your family in my prayers.

                  YiC,

                  Pastor Ed

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                  • #10
                    Re: Introduction

                    Being a cow hand, do you ever feel the need to combat "brokeback" moments of country solitude with your close buddies?

                    If so, what scriptures do you read to calm the nerves?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Introduction

                      Hello,

                      Reverend Rodimer, I believe that your skepticism that the ranching business lacks many prostitutes is based upon the prevailing assumption that "large concentrations" of prostitutes are usually centered around more urban areas. However, there are a couple of answers:

                      1. The term "large" is relative to my city; with only about 25 thousand people in the city, even twenty or thirty prostitutes may be a large number.
                      2. As the annoying kids from Chico state are always getting escorts, I always see those dirty whores in the yard coming in to do that stupid cow-tipping activity!

                      On other notes, I must apologize, but my first connections to Christ was through my parents--they were devout Catholics, and that was also probably why I never understood what was happening and never really connected with God. However, the only solace I could find in my family, which constantly engaged in strange sexual acts too often to feed me, the only son, was through the Bible. I come to this forum in order to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and try to improve myself before I find myself too late.

                      My favorite Bible passage is:

                      But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the Earth was formed out of water and by water. (2 Peter 3:5)

                      I am a man of science, and I believe that this passage settles the matter on a scientific resolution of the world's creation. It is a pity no one ever listens.
                      Genesis 6:6: And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Introduction

                        Great news, my friends!

                        I have found my old helicopter and, through the strength of the Lord, discovered a new tank of gas and the instruction manual! Even though the manual had about five pages ripped out, I believe that I can work it properly and go to church again.

                        Praise be to God!
                        Genesis 6:6: And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Introduction

                          Hold on Gregory, you're saying Chico State students hire whores and then take them cow tipping?

                          I'm pretty sure that's not what people normally hire whores for.
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Introduction

                            Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                            Hold on Gregory, you're saying Chico State students hire whores and then take them cow tipping?

                            I'm pretty sure that's not what people normally hire whores for.
                            Good point, Brother!

                            My congregation has a "Whores for Floors" ministry, through which we bring prostitutes from Indianapolis out to North Salem on Saturday afternoons. They then scrub the floors of several of my congregation's bachelors, and often perform other cleaning tasks. Some married men also avail themselves of the service.

                            You see, we figured that the girls are so used to being on their knees, that it made sense for them to do something productive while they're down there.

                            The program is a resounding success! The girls make good money in honest labor, and every man who has had them come by has come to church with a big smile the next day!
                            Bible boring? Nonsense!
                            Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                            You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Introduction

                              Dear, Faith_Machine,

                              I'm afraid I might have been very confusing. I was ranting a while about how all those college students would always run onto my ranch and do stupid things like cow-tipping, etc. The amount of stupid screw-around college kids hanging around the ranching areas subsequently also led to a large amount of prostitutes there.
                              Reverend, that is a great idea! In our church, we never thought of that, so we sometimes tried to mitigate the threat by taking the prostitutes and trying to find them husbands. That way, they can do what they do best except in the care of God's ideal family.
                              Genesis 6:6: And the LORD was sorry that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

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