Ive been sent here

[ready4rapture]

Two months ago I was on a slow road to hell. I would touch my genitals for entertainment, associate with infidels in attempts to acquire recreational substances, listen to public radio, and engage in many other harmful behaviors.Then, on just another Saturday night, needle in arm, AC/DC on the CD player, I had a vision. A vision I now know was a youtube video being played in my brain, sent from God. It clearly showed those who speak the truth and who spreads lies about the world. I now know the truth of the christian right, where gods word is channeled to us by the voices of Limbaugh, Fallwell, Robertson, and many other conduits of the Lord.
Since that day I have submersed myself in the truth, been washed of my sin.(It took three baptisms, I was filthy with the scum of satan) And now I have been sent here, Landover Baptist, where I may never be pure enough to be as close to God as most members(I still reside in Minnesota, one of the devils liberal playgrounds)

Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ive been sent here

Praise Jesus! It looks like God called you here in the nick of time. Please share your vile, sinful testimony with us. Spare no details, we've heard it all!

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Deaner]

Re: Ive been sent here

We need to examine the drugs you were doing in order to see if you are just another fraud. Seeing as it it too risky to mail them; take a bus directly to Freehold, Iowa. Ask for Deaner who drives a red truck. Get everything you've got, including everything your friends and dealers have. Take a shotgun with you while collecting them. Take all cash you find as well; it is satan's and must be burned.

Hurry, quick, giddy-up. Your soul depends on it.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Ive been sent here

Two months ago I was on a slow road to hell. I would touch my genitals for entertainment, associate with infidels in attempts to acquire recreational substances, listen to public radio, and engage in many other harmful behaviors.Then, on just another Saturday night, needle in arm, AC/DC on the CD player, I had a vision. A vision I now know was a youtube video being played in my brain, sent from God. It clearly showed those who speak the truth and who spreads lies about the world. I now know the truth of the christian right, where gods word is channeled to us by the voices of Limbaugh, Fallwell, Robertson, and many other conduits of the Lord.
Since that day I have submersed myself in the truth, been washed of my sin.(It took three baptisms, I was filthy with the scum of satan) And now I have been sent here, Landover Baptist, where I may never be pure enough to be as close to God as most members(I still reside in Minnesota, one of the devils liberal playgrounds)

Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

A cautious welcome, r4r.

Your determination to serve Jesus seems quite strong. As I'm sure you know, Jesus himself ate with sinners and tax collectors and all those who had no lives, and thus, decided to follow Him. Praise Jesus! A great reward awaits in heaven!

In Him™,

Pastor Ed

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Ive been sent here

Two months ago I was on a slow road to hell. I would touch my genitals for entertainment, associate with infidels in attempts to acquire recreational substances, listen to public radio, and engage in many other harmful behaviors.Then, on just another Saturday night, needle in arm, AC/DC on the CD player, I had a vision. A vision I now know was a youtube video being played in my brain, sent from God. It clearly showed those who speak the truth and who spreads lies about the world. I now know the truth of the christian right, where gods word is channeled to us by the voices of Limbaugh, Fallwell, Robertson, and many other conduits of the Lord.
Since that day I have submersed myself in the truth, been washed of my sin.(It took three baptisms, I was filthy with the scum of satan) And now I have been sent here, Landover Baptist, where I may never be pure enough to be as close to God as most members(I still reside in Minnesota, one of the devils liberal playgrounds)

Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”

Hold on just one cotton-picking minute! Are you trying to tell us a vision from God told you Jerry Falwell was a conduit for His Word?

That's odd, because I don't seem to recall there being anything in the Bible about God speaking to us through Moonies.

[ready4rapture]

Re: Ive been sent here

God played that youtube video in my mind, I dont question the videos, I just heed the message and obey his every word.


Ephesians 5:6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.


Colossians 3:22 Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

Punishment for disobeying Him:

Leviticus 26:29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

[Little Donkey]

Re: Ive been sent here

God played that youtube video in my mind, I dont question the videos, I just heed the message and obey his every word.

Did these "youtube videos" play in your mind while you were asleep?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Ive been sent here

OK, well it's nice to hear about your acid trips and all, but how about telling us something about who you are as a person? You know, what church you go to, what your favorite handgun is, how many babies your wife has birthed, that sort of thing.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Ive been sent here

Look missy, we get our knowledge of God from the Bible. Any other source is just so much bullcrap

You may well as just go and be a darn ring kisser if you want to simply be told what to beleive.

If you want to know God read the Bible cover to cover and don't skip bits! That way you can come to know God EXACTLY as He wants you to know him.

Your soul is at risk! Switch off the you tubes and open the Bible today: you won't regret it.

YIC

[WWJDnow]

Re: Ive been sent here

Hi, ready4rapture, and welcome! Nice to have you on board. Jesus said that onto some knowledge is given, but not onto others. You seem to be someone who gets what we're all about.

That's odd, because I don't seem to recall there being anything in the Bible about God speaking to us through Moonies.

Look, I'm as critical as anyone of Rev. Falwell--he was far too liberal for my taste--but I don't know whether it's fair to call him a Moonie. After all, he took money from a Chink who hated America and used it to prop up good old fashioned values such as gay bashing and large salaries for a successful CEO. I call that a win-win.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Ive been sent here

God played that youtube video in my mind, I dont question the videos, I just heed the message and obey his every word.

You sound like a decent young man. Welcome to God's favorite forum! What is your favorite way to hunt whales?

[ready4rapture]

Re: Ive been sent here

Look missy, we get our knowledge of God from the Bible. Any other source is just so much bullcrap

You may well as just go and be a darn ring kisser if you want to simply be told what to beleive.

If you want to know God read the Bible cover to cover and don't skip bits! That way you can come to know God EXACTLY as He wants you to know him.

Your soul is at risk! Switch off the you tubes and open the Bible today: you won't regret it.

YIC

Thank you for helping me gain a new perspective. It was especially helpful when my youngest daughter used the lords name in vain yesterday:
Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."