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  • #1

    Blessed be the Lord

    Hello my friends. I am the Reverend Augustus Kwembe. I come from Uganda but I now reside in Colorado (filled with filthy pot-smoking communist hippies).
    I come to this forum wishing to share with you our love for Jesus Christ our Savior.
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  • #2
    Re: Blessed be the Lord

    Praise the Lord and welcome, boy.

    What is your favorite verse from God's Holy Word?

    What is your favorite all American food since you came over here?
    Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


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    • #3
      Re: Blessed be the Lord

      Praise Jesus!

      My favorite passage is Proverbs 6:16-19
      "These six things dot      h the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."


      My favorite American food is a cheeseburger. Delicious.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Blessed be the Lord

        Hello and welcome to our friendly forums!



        Have you discovered how you can use running water and a bar of soap to clean yourself in the privacy of your own home? Isn't America wonderful!



        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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        • #5
          Re: Blessed be the Lord

          Originally posted by Rev. Augustus Kwembe View Post
          Hello my friends. I am the Reverend Augustus Kwembe. I come from Uganda but I now reside in Colorado (filled with filthy pot-smoking communist hippies).
          I come to this forum wishing to share with you our love for Jesus Christ our Savior.
          When did you renounce your Negroidal lifestyle and choose to serve Jesus? Does the primal urge to rape white women and steal pies ever bubble up from your savage unconscious, or are you a completely cured Ex-Negro(c)?
          Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University


          sigpic

          Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

          Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Blessed be the Lord

            Five years after I moved to America I renounced my Negroidal lifestyle and began to serve Jesus; I haven't stolen a pie or raped white women since. I am blessed and thankful to be able to say that I am an Ex-Negro©.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Blessed be the Lord

              Where were you ordained, boy? Sears and Roebucks?

              If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

              If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

              You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

              Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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              • #8
                Re: Blessed be the Lord

                Hello Rev. Augustus Kwembe. I did not know where Uganda is so I looked it up. Your flag has the same colors as Germany but their flag does not have a chicken on it.

                Thank you.

                Rusty
                Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Blessed be the Lord

                  Hey there Auggie! Do you have a lot of white girls in your congregation, and is it a struggle for you to avoid looking down their shirts?
                  WARNING:
                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Blessed be the Lord

                    Originally posted by Rev. Augustus Kwembe View Post
                    Five years after I moved to America I renounced my Negroidal lifestyle and began to serve Jesus; I haven't stolen a pie or raped white women since. I am blessed and thankful to be able to say that I am an Ex-Negro©.
                    I am glad to hear that you have renounced your former lifestyle of thuggery and sexual assault so common to those hailing from the Dark Continent. But I would suggest that, to avoid backsliding into a life of crime and interracial lust, you must keep your focus on Jesus. You should also avoid fried chicken and watermelon just to be sure.
                    Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University


                    sigpic

                    Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

                    Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Blessed be the Lord

                      Hello Reverend Kwimbonzo. I hear there are many problems with warlocks in Uganda. Have you ever been a victim of mind control?

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