New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

[Jeremiah Dempster]

Hello God fearing brothers and sisters in Christ. please be more patient with me than our loving merciful Lord was with those children in Bethel (II Kings 2:23-24) for I have long avoided computers and thought the internet nothing but a lure to ensnare us in Lucifer's trap.

Let me introduce myself. I have been a Christian since I was a human being inside my mother's womb. I am married to a God-fearing, me-fearing woman I met at bible study. She is a good, simple woman, but sometimes satan likes to tempt her with worldly distractions like college or gainful employment. In fact, she's the one that wanted to sign up for these forums. I considered her request carefully, but, of course, I could not allow it (I Timothy 2:10-23). I told her that I will read individual posts that I approve of, and she can tell me what she wants to respond. I pray that I am not being too permissive.

I hope I can contribute to the good Cristian vibe here, and help silence the braying of those close minded atheist donkeys that seem to infect the place.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Welcome to God's favorite forum. This is the last place you'll find lucifer in the interwebs, though he does send his minions here because we are Christ's chosen.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello friend! Where do you go to church? What kind of hunting do you do in Pennsylvania?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello God fearing brothers and sisters in Christ. please be more patient with me than our loving merciful Lord was with those children in Bethel (II Kings 2:23-24) for I have long avoided computers and thought the internet nothing but a lure to ensnare us in Lucifer's trap.

Let me introduce myself. I have been a Christian since I was a human being inside my mother's womb. I am married to a God-fearing, me-fearing woman I met at bible study. She is a good, simple woman, but sometimes satan likes to tempt her with worldly distractions like college or gainful employment. In fact, she's the one that wanted to sign up for these forums. I considered her request carefully, but, of course, I could not allow it (I Timothy 2:10-23). I told her that I will read individual posts that I approve of, and she can tell me what she wants to respond. I pray that I am not being too permissive.

I hope I can contribute to the good Cristian vibe here, and help silence the braying of those close minded atheist donkeys that seem to infect the place.

Do not say vibe. It is unseemly.

But welcome to our forum all the same.

[Young Peter]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello Mr. Dempster how are you? I am fine. Are you any relation to the people who made the Dempster Dumpmaster garbage truck and the Dempster Dumpster?

I did a Google search on dumpsters to find those links so you would know what I was talking about and got back a bunch of X-rated results. I sure hope you do not have anything to do with these c** dumpster videos that came up in the search.

You said you are not too good on computers and I want you to know I would be happy to help you with any computer questions you may have. I am a trustee here in the place where I live and I am able to post on this web site because I have access to the computer room because I am good on computers and they put me in charge of maintaining them.

[Jeremiah Dempster]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello friend! Where do you go to church? What kind of hunting do you do in Pennsylvania?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

Peace be with you Zechariah. I attend the First Cavalry Baptist Church in Bethlehem.

I hunt Canadian Geese from time to time, but it is hard to be passionate about it when the communists that make the laws here do not permit hunting with automatic rifles.

[Jeremiah Dempster]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello Mr. Dempster how are you? I am fine. Are you any relation to the people who made the Dempster Dumpmaster garbage truck and the Dempster Dumpster?

I did a Google search on dumpsters to find those links so you would know what I was talking about and got back a bunch of X-rated results. I sure hope you do not have anything to do with these c** dumpster videos that came up in the search.

You said you are not too good on computers and I want you to know I would be happy to help you with any computer questions you may have. I am a trustee here in the place where I live and I am able to post on this web site because I have access to the computer room because I am good on computers and they put me in charge of maintaining them.

Peace be with you Peter. I am not related to those Dempsters, but I did stumble across those X-rated results you referred to, and spent a couple hours reviewing the videos. Such filth! I must take it upon myself to catalogue the names of all these smut peddlers that make their home on the internet.

The only computer question I have is how do I make sure that my wife cannot use it? She knows the rules but she is weak and may be tempted.

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Hello Jeremiah Dempster. If that is you in the picture I had a similar job but it was a long time ago and it was not in Pennsylvania and we were not shooting geese.

You should try it just wearing a t-shirt it is much more comfortable and target acquisition is easier. Target acquisition was what the First Sergeant called killing people. He had a good sense of humor.

If you do not want your wife to use the computer tell her do not use the computer. You said she is a good woman so she should listen to Ephesians 5:24 because this is what it says:

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Every thing includes using the computer.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Welcome to God's favorite forum.

The only computer question I have is how do I make sure that my wife cannot use it? She knows the rules but she is weak and may be tempted.

Just never tell her how to switch the computer on. Women are too stupid to figure that out on their own.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Just never tell her how to switch the computer on. Women are too stupid to figure that out on their own.

I can also recommend unplugging the computer during times when it is not being used. Not only can women not often diagnose this problem, but it avoids the occasional collateral damage from God's wrath against one of your neighbors (the result of being on a socialist power "grid" – insurance companies call this an "Act of God" for a reason).

[Nobar King]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Why not get your woman her own computer?

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: New to the forum, the internet, computers, etc.

Welcome, Jeremiah. Your well-spoken tone and good command of the home show right through.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to getting to know you in the Lord.

YiC,

Pastor Ed