[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

How about one of you ladies stop your yapping and make me a sandwich?

I would be happy to make you a sandwich, but I'm not sure how to deliver it. None of the slots on the front of this electronic computing machine is large enough to accept a proper sandwich, and I would not offend you or the Lord by skimping on the fixings.

I'm known to make a mean ginger snap, however, and with a little effort, I was able to fit one into a pop-out tray on the front of this contraption that seems to be designed to accept round things.

I pray the Good Lord's angels will deliver it to you, and that it will refresh you until your wife does her Christian duty and fixes you a sandwich!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Originally Posted by Chastity Goodbody
I'm not seeing any gentlemen at the moment, as..

how many do you usually "see"?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Miss Goodbody, Is your father still living, and would it be appropriate at this time for me to ask his permission to formally begin a process of courtship?

I never would have guessed that you were of so, um, advanced an age. Given that the purpose of marriage is to create offspring which will serve the Lord, I envision us possibly supplementing our union with one or two handmaids, which I suppose we could acquire from The Philippines.

Genesis 30:1-3

30 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

2 And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

3 And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.

The resulting fruit of their young wombs would, of course, be raised as our children, and you would therefore be redeemed by the pain of their childbirth.

Also, the birth of these babies would protect you from death, just as those sired by Jacob protected Rachel from dying.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

My friends call me "Chastity". You may call me "Miss Goodbody".

Hello, Chastity, and welcome!

The Good Lord gave me a special gift, which I've had from birth. Sin makes me sick, physically sick.

Truly the Lord must love you greatly to give you such a precious gift. I only find my insides turning out over sins involving man-on-man sex.

You Landover Baptist folks seem quite righteous and seem to hate sinners like everyone should, which I consider a very good sign, but I do have some criticism to offer. Now I don't mean to sound holier-than-thou, much, but I think you are far too lenient toward sinners, and I'm hoping the Lord will guide you to talk less and smite more.

I hate to disagree with my fellow True Christians™, but I think there's a lot to what you say. I often catch myself pulling back as I'm about to launch a stern rebuke out of politeness. I know that I'm not doing the sinners any favors by treating them with respect, and I have resolved to be stronger in the future. However, since you are a woman, the Bible tells us that your opinion carries zero weight. Still, thanks for sharing!