[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

I know exactly what you mean, however, you do realize that if we want to get to Heaven, we need to find good Christian husbands and start producing good Christian babies

As we both know, the Scriptures speak often of marriage, and its sanctity in the Eyes of the Lord. I must confess that sometimes when I am reading the Bible, I find myself uneasy about all that talk of marriage, and how I have failed as a Christian woman.

I have prayed to Him about it since I was a girl, and though He has never given me anything but loving comfort, I nonetheless fear disappointing Him. Just the thought of earning His wrath sometimes keeps me up praying all night.

I know the Lord can be stern and sometimes seem cruel, like my father, but I know they both act out of love. I know I have sinned, and have not done all I could as a Christian woman, but I give my love to the Lord, and I know He loves me and will forgive my sins. Ephesians 2:8-9

So I rejoice! Philippians 4:4

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Brother Harold, sodomy most assuredly offends me as much as it offends the Lord, but I find any form of fornication offensive, and as I have said, all forms of sin make me physically ill.

As for what may be common for "simpleton women", I am reminded of Matthew 7:16-20, and its relevance toward manners becoming a Christian gentleman.

Excuse me? Do you imagine that this precious verse applies to women without a reason?

1 Timothy 14:34 "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law."

Mind your manners.

In Christ

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Excuse me? Do you imagine that this precious verse applies to women without a reason?

1 Timothy 14:34 "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law."

Mind your manners.

I must apologize, as I'm not accustomed to these "digital churches". Frankly, I'm probably out of line being here at all, since the computer I'm using was donated for keeping track of church finances, although my Pastor did say it was okay to use it for furthering Bible studies on the Internet.

Given that this is a Church forum, I will stand corrected.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

I must apologize, as I'm not accustomed to these "digital churches". Frankly, I'm probably out of line being here at all, since the computer I'm using was donated for keeping track of church finances, although my Pastor did say it was okay to use it for furthering Bible studies on the Internet.

Given that this is a Church forum, I will stand corrected.

Apology accepted. As a Christian man, I must forgive, up to a certain point.

Matthew 18:21-22 "Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

May God bless you.

In Christ

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

I'll have my wife, Mrs. Hutchins speak to you, all the clucking gives me a headache and distracts me from the Love of Jesus. Welcome

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Dear Spinster;

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

Thank you, Pastor Ezekiel.

I'm pleased to say that I believe my rights as defined by the forum have been fully upheld in their entirety at all times, and that I am inspired to find a congregation so firm and grounded in the Word of the Lord.

In just a short time, I have already learned a great deal that I would never have learned at Northern Christian Southern Baptist Church of God, and had not learned despite many years of membership there. Much of that is humility, which I fear has been eroded as a result of my duties as Organist and Senior Bake Sale Coordinator for NCSBCoG, for which I had become excessively prideful, and excessive exposure to the rampant wickedness of so-called "modern society".

Despite my many sins, with the grace and guidance of the Lord and His Word, and the fellowship of the good people of Landover Baptist Church, I believe there may be hope for me yet.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Thanks for replying. I should have made clear that I actually live in the forest, it's some distance from the nearest city and the council are primarily heathen conservationists. Objecting to the "murder" of trees. Promoting scorpions, centipedes, snakes and their "habitat" over human requirements. They also enjoy spiders but I am quite fond of spiders and maintain a small rock area for the 2 or 3 venomous species adjacent to the house. I applied for a permit to keep hyænas but was refused - although apparently if I re-apply for a "dairy herd" (without specifying the hyæna bit) it would be OK. I'm guessing that milking a hyæna would be similar to milking a goat. However the zoo which closed has now disposed of the things and it is unlikely that another zoo will close any time soon.

ACTS 10
12 Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.
13 And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.
14 But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.
15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.
KJV

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Hello Miss Goodbody, does your sin-induced sickness ever cause you to projectile vomit?

Hoo-boy, what I wouldn't give to see some sinners get their faces sprayed with vomit!

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Hello Miss Goodbody, does your sin-induced sickness ever cause you to projectile vomit?

Hoo-boy, what I wouldn't give to see some sinners get their faces sprayed with vomit!

That would definatly be a sight to see!

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

MitaLizalor, I'm sorry to hear of your forest troubles, and that you were unfairly denied your right to keep and bear hyenas. Truly the Good Lord has given you great challenges to overcome.

Being surrounded by so many trees and heathens as you are, may I suggest using those trees to construct a Stockade for Christ? Build it extra large to prepare for the Lord's bounty and, with sufficient prayer, there is no doubt your cup will soon runneth over. Psalm 23:5

With every challenge, the Lord gives us opportunities. That zoo which recently closed no doubt had a loudspeaker system which you might liberate for Great Justice. This you may use to loudly broadcast the Words of the Lord night and day, spread His Light into the murky darkness of the forbidden forest and disrupt the unspeakable debauchery of those unclean pagans as they worship their foul, cloven-hooved eldritch gods beneath the shadowy boughs. They cannot stand against the power of the Lord! Ephesians 6:11-18 Galatians 6:8

If you have need of broadcast material for your bastion of righteousness, I may be able to send you some recordings of my organ work, which is proven to scatter sinners as surely as the strong winter winds scatter the dry leaves of autumn.

Do not despair of being beset by heathens. The Lord shall drive them away! Deuteronomy 18:12

Hello Miss Goodbody, does your sin-induced sickness ever cause you to projectile vomit?

Hoo-boy, what I wouldn't give to see some sinners get their faces sprayed with vomit!

It is somewhat embarrassing, but this has happened on far more occasions than I care to number. Though I do not doubt it is the Lord's Will that I eschew evil in this fashion, my unworthy sense of pride and vanity sometimes brings me shame when it happens, though I know it should not. Isaiah 50:7

But as with all gifts of the Lord, it has its place, and the Pastor of NCSBCoG has seen fit to entrust me with greeting all who attend our services to keep our church free of sinners. All visitors and members of our congregation know what to expect if they should try to bring sin into the Lord's house! Acts 20:28 Ecclesiastes 5:1

[Esther B.]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Welcome, Miss Goodbody!

It is quite nice to see that you followed the directions for your introduction. New members rarely read the directions, so it makes me quite happy to see that someone actually read and followed them.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

So, uh, Miss Goodbody, I was...

Well that is to say, I was wondering...

I mean.

Er.

I... I don't normally do this, but I...

Well I just couldn't help noticing what handsome woman you are.

Are you seeing anybody right now?

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

Well I just couldn't help noticing what handsome woman you are.

Are you seeing anybody right now?

Oh you flatterer! I hold no illusions about being plain. Indeed, my father was rarely so kind in his appraisals of my looks, and I would not dishonor him by disagreeing (though I confess doing so on more heated occasions when I was a girl).

I have been compared by more than a few to the legendary Margaret Hamilton, who is pictured in my avatar. I cannot deny the resemblance is quite close, but I fall far short of her unique beauty, and would not dare claim it.



It has been many years since I looked that young and sassy, but I did manage to turn some heads in my younger days, and not just because of the vomiting, so I fancied using this portrait as my own.

But given I'm not as young as I used to be, and with respect to the avatar policy and honesty before the Lord, I have updated my avatar to more accurately reflect my appearance these days.



That's also Margaret Hamilton, but at least we're both in color now. Welcome to the 20th century, I suppose.

I'm not seeing any gentlemen at the moment, as that's a rather complicated subject, though I do hold out hope that maybe someday the good Lord will lead me to a good Christian man so I may keep His will.

Also, please forgive me for babbling on as I'm prone to do, but I must apologize for my tone and some of the things I've said in this introduction thread, particularly given how patient, loving and kind the good people of Landover Baptist have been toward me.

This is a righteous congregation, strong in the Lord, and I feel many kindred spirits here.

So please, call me Chastity.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello, my name is Chastity Goodbody.

How about one of you ladies stop your yapping and make me a sandwich?