[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello!

Uhhhh...why would I want Jesus' seed? That sounds like something a Catlicker would say.

Yes, it does. We had better do a little more investigating. I'd hate to think Brother SS is secretly a ....a.....

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

You're welcome, but always write it out correctly; Praise Jesus!
Not "etc" or some demonic crap, because God deserves every bit of respect you can give, AND MORE.

See, HE is the reason you are alive, here, on this Earth.
HE made YOU, isn't that fantastic?
Jesus actually made time in His VERY BUSY schedule to create you, such an insignificant being compared to His Glory!

Why don't you get on your knees and Praise God Allmighty!, let Him wash your sins away with His holy blood! PRAISE GOD!
Feel Jesus calling out to you, His holy hands reaching out for you, please..
Won't you embrace Him? Won't you accept His sweet seed to make you sinfree?

HE is the only way to Heaven, without Him you will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Don't make Him feel you were a misstake to create, show yourself worthy of His love.

On your knees, and praise the Lord!
Confess your love for the Lord Jesus Christ, saviour of mankind!
Amen!

Uhhhh...why would I want Jesus' seed? That sounds like something a Catlicker would say.

Brother Temperance, rest assured that I will not be making pilgramages to Ethiopia any time soon.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello!

I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

I'd be wary of those if I were you: Marley was well known for using his ooga melodies to promote Rastafarianism, an evil cult which resembles Catholicism, but places less emphasis on the use of narcotics.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello!

I'm afraid not. No lucky egg. I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

Salvation thanks for the welcome. Praise etc.!

You're welcome, but always write it out correctly; Praise Jesus!
Not "etc" or some demonic crap, because God deserves every bit of respect you can give, AND MORE.

See, HE is the reason you are alive, here, on this Earth.
HE made YOU, isn't that fantastic?
Jesus actually made time in His VERY BUSY schedule to create you, such an insignificant being compared to His Glory!

Why don't you get on your knees and Praise God Allmighty!, let Him wash your sins away with His holy blood! PRAISE GOD!
Feel Jesus calling out to you, His holy hands reaching out for you, please..
Won't you embrace Him? Won't you accept His sweet seed to make you sinfree?

HE is the only way to Heaven, without Him you will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Don't make Him feel you were a misstake to create, show yourself worthy of His love.

On your knees, and praise the Lord!
Confess your love for the Lord Jesus Christ, saviour of mankind!
Amen!

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Please don't tell me you aren't a bobsledder too!

I'm afraid not. No lucky egg. I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

Salvation thanks for the welcome. Praise etc.!

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Hello!

I'm a girl, honest! There are women in and from Jamaica. However there are no more banana boats. Cuba may still have some but we are fresh out. And there are white people in and from Jamaica too.

Please don't tell me you aren't a bobsledder too!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello!

A girl huh?
Hmm, you've been staying celibate until you get married as Jesus want I hope?

In any case, Welcome.
May you find God here, and repent of your past sins.
Do not blaspheme God allmighty in any way, and I'm sure we will get along just fine.
Praise Jesus!

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

...uhm...aside to Mother G....the boy is from JAMAICA, ok? He just snuck off the banana boat for all we know....

...I would not be looking for "pale skin" here.....

I'm a girl, honest! There are women in and from Jamaica. However there are no more banana boats. Cuba may still have some but we are fresh out. And there are white people in and from Jamaica too.

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Well, repenting of Anglicanism does significantly reduce your chances of being a sodomite, but I'd still advise you to get right with the Lord fast if you don't want to spend eternity "floating around" in the Lake of Fire.

Well, not really, since the Canadian army's combat effectiveness does seem to be significantly decreased by their effete limp-wristedness. But still, as long as you're not from the French part of Canada, there may be hope for you yet. You certainly seem considerably less braindead than most of the flotsam and jetsam that wash up on this Holy corner of the internet.

I am definitely not French, and skipped French classes when I was in boarding school. Hopefully there's still room in heaven for me, if I want it.

Perhaps the pot smoking Canadians don't build good cars? But Mother Glynndie looks forward to the day she might be able to hire a pale skinned gardner and send Alberto back to Mehijico. And I am so glad you're not one of those pot smoking hippies . . . now if we can just teach you how to use a Godly firearm.

Gun laws are awful strict here in Canada. I might have to move to the US to be able to practise (if I err...wanted to).

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello!

Perhaps the pot smoking Canadians don't build good cars? But Mother Glynndie looks forward to the day she might be able to hire a pale skinned gardner and send Alberto back to Mehijico. And I am so glad you're not one of those pot smoking hippies . . . now if we can just teach you how to use a Godly firearm

...uhm...aside to Mother G....the boy is from JAMAICA, ok? He just snuck off the banana boat for all we know....

...I would not be looking for "pale skin" here.....

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Hello!

Your concern has made me feel very welcome and if I had ever touched marijuana I would definitely follow your logical five step programme. Oddly enough I've seen more weed in Canada than I ever did back home (which was zero).

I also appreciate the gracious acknowledgement of Canada's virtues, even if all of the auto factories are closing down, so we've only got the first two. We are fighting evil terraists in Afghanistan--that counts, right?

Perhaps the pot smoking Canadians don't build good cars? But Mother Glynndie looks forward to the day she might be able to hire a pale skinned gardner and send Alberto back to Mehijico. And I am so glad you're not one of those pot smoking hippies . . . now if we can just teach you how to use a Godly firearm

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello!

I was an Anglican, now I'm just floating around.

Well, repenting of Anglicanism does significantly reduce your chances of being a sodomite, but I'd still advise you to get right with the Lord fast if you don't want to spend eternity "floating around" in the Lake of Fire.

We are fighting evil terraists in Afghanistan--that counts, right?

Well, not really, since the Canadian army's combat effectiveness does seem to be significantly decreased by their effete limp-wristedness. But still, as long as you're not from the French part of Canada, there may be hope for you yet. You certainly seem considerably less braindead than most of the flotsam and jetsam that wash up on this Holy corner of the internet.

[Enobarbus]

Re: Hello!

Sadly, I don't think that I would be able to get into law school with accreditation from your universities. I plan to infiltrate the demon's lair and convert from within! Something like that. I'll be careful!



Your concern has made me feel very welcome and if I had ever touched marijuana I would definitely follow your logical five step programme. Oddly enough I've seen more weed in Canada than I ever did back home (which was zero).

I also appreciate the gracious acknowledgement of Canada's virtues, even if all of the auto factories are closing down, so we've only got the first two. We are fighting evil terraists in Afghanistan--that counts, right?

"Canada's virtues"? I'm sorry, my friend but that really is a contradiction in terms. Canada may not be as Godless as Australia, and nowhere near as Godless as New Zealand and Norway, but Godless it is, and we must face facts.

This is not to say that Canadians or even New Zealanders like myself and Mrs Rogers can't be saved (Lilith is another story; she is completely beyond hope with her place in hell already reserved). It's just that much more difficult. And for a Jamaican Canadian, it will be even more difficult. Not impossible, but very difficult. It is going to take a lot of prayer fasting repenting and tithing, but I feel that the Lord may singled you out and you may be the first ever darkie canuck to become a True Christian™.

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Well lets me say first Welcome and now let me gets down to busyness.
You be floatin round?
That kind alike peoples in the 60's tryin to find themselves ain't it?
Floatin round means you ain't accepted the LORD yet!!
CONFESS YOU SINS!!
DECLARE JESUS AS YOU LORD RIT NOW!!
Glory Halalulu!!

Oh...sorry..I gets alittle carried away when I starts to feel the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT fillin me up!!

Welcome and Praise God!!

I'll try to get on that ASAP. I figure registering at Landover was the first step. Thanks again to everyone (you too More Saved) for the welcome.

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

I suggest you be careful with this whole "university" stuff. I believe it would be best for you to transfer into one of the Landover Approved(tm) universities, like Landover University, Pensacola Christian or some other such college. Although most of their members and faculty (if not all) are going to Hell(tm), they are more likely to preach God's Holy Wrath(tm) than any normal LIEberal one....

Sadly, I don't think that I would be able to get into law school with accreditation from your universities. I plan to infiltrate the demon's lair and convert from within! Something like that. I'll be careful!

I try not to come down too hard on Canada. Afterall, Canada is touching God's favorite country and 80% of Canadians live in a narrow strip of land that abuts? it. Anyway, Canada is an exellent place for oil wells, nuclear power plants and auto factories. But your Mother Glynndie is concerned about that strange weed Jamaicans can't seem to keep from smoking. Our Lord Jesus Christ does not approve of marijuana, so promise Mother Glynndie to follow these steps:

1. Admit that you are powerless over marijuana.
2. Admit that you are a marijuana addict and cannot manage your own life.
3. Admit that no human can overcome marijuana addiction without GOD.
4. Recognize LBC as GOD's favorite church.
5. Signal to GOD that you are ready to overcome your marijuana addiction by pressing the PayPal button at the bottom of your computer's display.

Your concern has made me feel very welcome and if I had ever touched marijuana I would definitely follow your logical five step programme. Oddly enough I've seen more weed in Canada than I ever did back home (which was zero).

I also appreciate the gracious acknowledgement of Canada's virtues, even if all of the auto factories are closing down, so we've only got the first two. We are fighting evil terraists in Afghanistan--that counts, right?