[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello!

Perhaps the pot smoking Canadians don't build good cars? But Mother Glynndie looks forward to the day she might be able to hire a pale skinned gardner and send Alberto back to Mehijico. And I am so glad you're not one of those pot smoking hippies . . . now if we can just teach you how to use a Godly firearm

...uhm...aside to Mother G....the boy is from JAMAICA, ok? He just snuck off the banana boat for all we know....

...I would not be looking for "pale skin" here.....

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Well, repenting of Anglicanism does significantly reduce your chances of being a sodomite, but I'd still advise you to get right with the Lord fast if you don't want to spend eternity "floating around" in the Lake of Fire.

Well, not really, since the Canadian army's combat effectiveness does seem to be significantly decreased by their effete limp-wristedness. But still, as long as you're not from the French part of Canada, there may be hope for you yet. You certainly seem considerably less braindead than most of the flotsam and jetsam that wash up on this Holy corner of the internet.

I am definitely not French, and skipped French classes when I was in boarding school. Hopefully there's still room in heaven for me, if I want it.

Perhaps the pot smoking Canadians don't build good cars? But Mother Glynndie looks forward to the day she might be able to hire a pale skinned gardner and send Alberto back to Mehijico. And I am so glad you're not one of those pot smoking hippies . . . now if we can just teach you how to use a Godly firearm.

Gun laws are awful strict here in Canada. I might have to move to the US to be able to practise (if I err...wanted to).

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

...uhm...aside to Mother G....the boy is from JAMAICA, ok? He just snuck off the banana boat for all we know....

...I would not be looking for "pale skin" here.....

I'm a girl, honest! There are women in and from Jamaica. However there are no more banana boats. Cuba may still have some but we are fresh out. And there are white people in and from Jamaica too.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello!

A girl huh?
Hmm, you've been staying celibate until you get married as Jesus want I hope?

In any case, Welcome.
May you find God here, and repent of your past sins.
Do not blaspheme God allmighty in any way, and I'm sure we will get along just fine.
Praise Jesus!

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Hello!

I'm a girl, honest! There are women in and from Jamaica. However there are no more banana boats. Cuba may still have some but we are fresh out. And there are white people in and from Jamaica too.

Please don't tell me you aren't a bobsledder too!

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Please don't tell me you aren't a bobsledder too!

I'm afraid not. No lucky egg. I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

Salvation thanks for the welcome. Praise etc.!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello!

I'm afraid not. No lucky egg. I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

Salvation thanks for the welcome. Praise etc.!

You're welcome, but always write it out correctly; Praise Jesus!
Not "etc" or some demonic crap, because God deserves every bit of respect you can give, AND MORE.

See, HE is the reason you are alive, here, on this Earth.
HE made YOU, isn't that fantastic?
Jesus actually made time in His VERY BUSY schedule to create you, such an insignificant being compared to His Glory!

Why don't you get on your knees and Praise God Allmighty!, let Him wash your sins away with His holy blood! PRAISE GOD!
Feel Jesus calling out to you, His holy hands reaching out for you, please..
Won't you embrace Him? Won't you accept His sweet seed to make you sinfree?

HE is the only way to Heaven, without Him you will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Don't make Him feel you were a misstake to create, show yourself worthy of His love.

On your knees, and praise the Lord!
Confess your love for the Lord Jesus Christ, saviour of mankind!
Amen!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello!

I do have a couple of Bob Marley records.

I'd be wary of those if I were you: Marley was well known for using his ooga melodies to promote Rastafarianism, an evil cult which resembles Catholicism, but places less emphasis on the use of narcotics.

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

You're welcome, but always write it out correctly; Praise Jesus!
Not "etc" or some demonic crap, because God deserves every bit of respect you can give, AND MORE.

See, HE is the reason you are alive, here, on this Earth.
HE made YOU, isn't that fantastic?
Jesus actually made time in His VERY BUSY schedule to create you, such an insignificant being compared to His Glory!

Why don't you get on your knees and Praise God Allmighty!, let Him wash your sins away with His holy blood! PRAISE GOD!
Feel Jesus calling out to you, His holy hands reaching out for you, please..
Won't you embrace Him? Won't you accept His sweet seed to make you sinfree?

HE is the only way to Heaven, without Him you will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Don't make Him feel you were a misstake to create, show yourself worthy of His love.

On your knees, and praise the Lord!
Confess your love for the Lord Jesus Christ, saviour of mankind!
Amen!

Uhhhh...why would I want Jesus' seed? That sounds like something a Catlicker would say.

Brother Temperance, rest assured that I will not be making pilgramages to Ethiopia any time soon.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello!

Uhhhh...why would I want Jesus' seed? That sounds like something a Catlicker would say.

Yes, it does. We had better do a little more investigating. I'd hate to think Brother SS is secretly a ....a.....

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Yes, it does. We had better do a little more investigating. I'd hate to think Brother SS is secretly a ....a.....

Next thing you know, he'll want me to become a bride of Jesus. I don't want to marry a lamb!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Hello!

Next thing you know, he'll want me to become a bride of Jesus. I don't want to marry a lamb!

Hahahaha. You have taken the phrase 'the lamb of God' too literally. Jesus isn't really a lamb.

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

Hahahaha. You have taken the phrase 'the lamb of God' too literally. Jesus isn't really a lamb.

I thought we were supposed to take the KJV <insert year here> bible literally. Which parts are actually symbolic? Christianity is haaaard. :|

[Enobarbus]

Re: Hello!

I thought we were supposed to take the KJV <insert year here> bible literally. Which parts are actually symbolic? Christianity is haaaard. :|

The bits that are obviously metaphoric or symbolic. Some parables for example. But we don't take such things as the garden of Eden or heaven or hell as merely symbolic. Does that help?

[Arethusa]

Re: Hello!

The bits that are obviously metaphoric or symbolic. Some parables for example. But we don't take such things as the garden of Eden or heaven or hell as merely symbolic. Does that help?

Some people would say that whole Adam-Eve-tree-of-knowledge-talking-snake shingding is obviously metaphorical and symbolic. Not to mention the great flood, pillar of salt, pillars of fire and cloud...