Greetings to the Godly

[Elected & Directed]

In this terrible world, it is so nice to be among others so selected by God as I. I have nearly given up telling others about the inerrancy and FINALITY of God's Word. I figure they will find out when Satan welcomes them to their eternally damned destination soon enough!

Oh and if I have to hear one more thing about that dark void in the White House I will bleed from the teeth (that I grind constantly these days, as opposed to the good ole days when I only gently gnawed thistles).

My favorite passage of scripture is when Jesus in Matthew 10:35 said he came to DIVIDE not to create a hippie commune where everyone gets to lay about all day and deposit pieces of my pay check. Amen?!

I tremble to think of the river of death that will soon flow through every town in America as the sodomites complete their takeover. I will be waiting on my roof for the Savior. If lightning takes me first, I consider it Grace!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

That's nice. Now let's focus more on who and what you are; your opinions aren't worth much until we determine if we are dealing with a real Christian, or somebody just pretending to be something they are not on the Internet Web.

Are you male or female? How old are you? What church do you attend in Mesa? What filthy and deplorable sin made you realize what hopelessly lost scum you were without Jesus' help?

In Christ

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Hello Elected & Directed.

You should not grind your teeth I used to do that and now I have teeth problems. Also there are many parts of the Bible that talk about gnashing of teeth and it is usually not nice people who do it for instance look at Psalms 112:10 it says:

The wicked shall see it, and be grieved; he shall gnash with his teeth, and melt away: the desire of the wicked shall perish.

I am not calling you wicked I am just trying to help. Now I have to wear a mouth guard at night it makes a squeaking noise when I try to grind my teeth and that wakes me up.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Apparently, my profile picture hasn't been approved. Anyway, I am most certainly a man.

I am between churches at the moment as I was previously attending a Baptist church here (which shall go unnamed because I, like the Lord, am merciful and don't wish others to stumble...into that cave of sin). But you know how it goes, right? First someone gets the bright idea that Jesus wants electric guitars to play "Praise Music" instead of the old hymns. Then the next thing that happens is the Pastor thinks the KJV isn't groovy enough for the youngsters so he starts using the NIV or worse. Slippery slope from there.

If anyone has some suggestions for where I should go, please let me know. I think I've doubled my chins and halved my hair just trying to find a church Satan hasn't commandeered.

I was born into a tent revival meeting. My mother said I just fell into this world with a bloody, smelly splash. It was especially traumatic for the unsaved who were at the altar at the time. Liberals have queasy stomachs as I'm sure you know.

I remember at age 3 being asked if I wanted to be "left behind" one day because I wouldn't tie my shoes when my mother asked me to. I began to cry. Then my mother very softly explained there was a plea bargain, of sorts, that God had worked out where I would admit my guilt and He would lovingly rescue me from my depravity so long as I accepted Jesus. Fortunately for me, I was surrounded by many Godly adults who weren't shy with the backside of a hand or even a belt. I was a good boy, though, and it was mainly the Fear of God as expressed through his Chosen Ones that kept me on the straight and narrow. And my love for Jesus, of course.

Eventually though I saw through the Armenian lies that pervade the so-called Holiness movement. It was probably around the time I witnessed our pastor beat a dog into an early grave because the church softball team lost and the dog was just lying there next to the bats. Oh how animals offend the Lord sometimes! And yet he was my childhood dog from about age 12 so I cried and went looking about for another church. I landed in an Independent Baptist congregation that used the 1611 Authorized KJV. I never looked back.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Apparently, my profile picture hasn't been approved. Anyway, I am most certainly a man.
....

Welcome to Landover Baptist Church Elected & Directed.

I took the liberty of having one of our assistants who regularly inspects our servers for demons look into this problem. You do indeed have a profile picture (although it is not a valid gif file according to international standards). The problem was you did not select an avatar file. Our assistant took care of the problem and you would be well served by the Lord in being especially generous the next time the collection basket is passed around.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Armenian lies

I think you mean Arminian lies. But welcome to the forum, E&D! How many sons have sprung forth from your loins?

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Indeed. I think I encountered a demon earlier who tried posting to this thread but was squelched by the Godly admins that oversee this site. Demons may lie but my email subscription does not. Well done, men!

I will indeed be making a sizable contribution as The Lord has been especially good to me this year. I run a PAC -- Americans for Negative Taxes or ANTs. We believe that those whom The Lord bestows his favor upon should not have to pay taxes. In fact, because we are assets to any community, we believe the government should compensate us. Lots of patriots making donations. The Lord is so good to us!

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

I think you mean Arminian lies. But welcome to the forum, E&D! How many sons have sprung forth from your loins?

So right you are. I have long suspected Satan has infected my computer's spell checker with an unclean spirit, or what others dismiss as merely a virus.

I have three sons. I know The Lord doesn't make mistakes but my wife sure does. She has produced 4 daughters and lost a couple too. She tries to love The Lord but requires near constant correction.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

Hello, and welcome to our friendly forums! I'm sorry to hear about your disappointing wife. Can she at least cook?

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

No, bless her heart. I've had to assign her entrail duty while Esmeralda, the help, does the cooking. Thankfully, The Lord does enjoy a good slaughtering and in that limited way she pleases Him. She is still working on pleasing me.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

No, bless her heart. I've had to assign her entrail duty while Esmeralda, the help, does the cooking. Thankfully, The Lord does enjoy a good slaughtering and in that limited way she pleases Him. She is still working on pleasing me.

I'm sure that I would not be among the minority when I suggest that you tell us more about yourself, I expect.

Many, many people come to our friendly corner of internets with the express intention of only to mock, also. I do hope that you are sincerely in your hopes to fellowship with decent Christians and not merely to mock

So a laurel and hardy hand shake to to you as a hopeful man's man of Christ.

God bless.

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

I'm sure that I would not be among the minority when I suggest that you tell us more about yourself, I expect.

So far I have provided information regarding my childhood, my salvation, my favorite verse, my marriage, my home life, my career, etc. What else would you would like to know? I have no secrets and my only aim in joining this community is to enjoy the fellowship and edify if the opportunity presents.

[Elected & Directed]

Re: Greetings to the Godly

To address some concerns that have been expressed about who I am, I have updated my profile to include interests.

Allow me to elaborate....

"Petitioning the HOA to issue infractions" means, for example, that I have many neighbors who enjoy leaving their grass at 2.5" when clearly the code (section 5, rule 2b) says it should be no longer than 2". As I've explained so many times as patiently as I could (sometimes during dinner as that's when invariably my neighbors check their mail and receive the violation notice): I actually care if *my* children get attacked by snakes who find refuge in the field they apparently feel entitled to grow.

"Leafleting patriotic neighborhoods". I almost hesitate to explain this because it's probably pretty obvious but I mean attractive, conservative, light-skinned locales with a high proportion of flag display. I find that placing leaflets on doors and windshields in such places results in many donations to my ANTs PAC (Americans for Negatives Taxes). Occasionally someone will get saved as I include my private phone line, the one the wife is not allowed to answer. I have counseled many lost souls this way and helped them keep their grass at a reasonable length too!

I've talked about my softball career. It pretty much speaks for itself.

Any other questions?