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  • #1

    I would like to introduce myself

    Hello, Landover baptist church community! I am excited to join you in praising the lord. I am unmarried (Not actively looking for a relationship), I spend my leisure time reading my King James bible, and watching pay-per-view christian programming on television. I work at a local christian school teaching children to repent. I pride myself on having saved my homosexual cousin from aeternal damnation. He now attends the Auburn Park Baptist church, as do I. I never travel anywhere where I cannot attend baptist church services, and replace Gideons bibles with KJV bibles in every hotel I stay at.

    It is wonderful to be included here, -Alan Roberts Junior.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I would like to introduce myself

    Greetings Alan Robertjs Jr.

    I welcome you to our friendly forum for prasing the lord and jesus.

    Blessings,

    Cornelis Dommelul

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I would like to introduce myself

      Originally posted by CornelisDommelul View Post
      ...the lord and jesus...
      You'd think even a stupid dick would know to capitalize references to God and Jesus when on a Baptist church webforum...

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I would like to introduce myself

        Originally posted by CornelisDommelul View Post
        Greetings Alan Robertjs Jr.

        I welcome you to our friendly forum for prasing the lord and jesus.

        Blessings,

        Cornelis Dommelul
        Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
        You'd think even a stupid dick would know to capitalize references to God and Jesus when on a Baptist church webforum...
        The poor manners of atheists as a whole are well documented in the annals (*shudder*) of this Godly forum.

        Fear not, soon enough this young man will be showing the proper respect for the King of Kings, either as he reads his KJV Bible like a good boy on his knees, or as he cries out in terror from the bottom of a fiery abyss. God's will is absolute, and His potent wisdom inscrutable.

        Perhaps he is using an Apple computer. Apple computers are known to deliberately uncapitalize holy nouns so that Steve Jobs will have even more company in Hell.
        The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I would like to introduce myself

          And who may you be, ''mr Arrogant Atheist'' please dont show yourself in front of my pure eyes, thou who has chosen the path of hellfire and destruction has no right to speak to god's follower. Psalm14:1

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I would like to introduce myself

            Originally posted by CornelisDommelul View Post
            And who may you be, ''mr Arrogant Atheist'' please dont show yourself in front of my pure eyes...
            Why not? Scripture to support your position, please.

            ... thou who has chosen the path of hellfire and destruction has no right to speak to god's follower. Psalm14:1
            Again, why not? Psalm 14:1 says nothing about me keeping silent. Do you have any relevant Scripture?

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I would like to introduce myself

              Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
              You'd think even a stupid dick would know to capitalize references to God and Jesus when on a Baptist church webforum...
              Please, be polite here. I don't want my introduction to turn in to a flame war, and neither does the Lord.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I would like to introduce myself

                Originally posted by Alan Roberts Jr. View Post
                Hello, Landover baptist church community! I am excited to join you in praising the lord. I am unmarried (Not actively looking for a relationship), I spend my leisure time reading my King James bible, and watching pay-per-view christian programming on television. I work at a local christian school teaching children to repent. I pride myself on having saved my homosexual cousin from aeternal damnation. He now attends the Auburn Park Baptist church, as do I. I never travel anywhere where I cannot attend baptist church services, and replace Gideons bibles with KJV bibles in every hotel I stay at.

                It is wonderful to be included here, -Alan Roberts Junior.
                Welcome, Alan. I look forward to reading your contributions. But let's work on capitalization of divine names and pronouns, shall we?

                It is a wonderful work you are doing, removing false bibles and putting KJV Bibles in their place. I hope you burned the ones you removed since to do otherwise would be in violation of Acts 19:19.

                YiC,

                Pastor Ed

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I would like to introduce myself

                  Hello, and welcome to our friendly forums! I'm a little confused as to why a man who loves the LORD wouldn't be actively seeking a wife to the glory of God. Children are a blessing from the Lord, and He alone should decide when to open and close the womb of a woman. Somewhere there lives a woman who is not given the opportunity to love and please the LORD by giving a man a quiverfull of little Soldiers of Christ because her womb is ignored. Perhaps you can help her, in more ways than one (1 Tim. 2:15).

                  Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I would like to introduce myself

                    Originally posted by Alan Roberts Jr. View Post
                    Please, be polite here. I don't want my introduction to turn in to a flame war...
                    As you seem to have a problem with my correcting the other poster (re: proper capitalization of references to God and Jesus), am I to understand you're OK with people not showing God/Jesus the respect He/They deserve on this forum?

                    ...and neither does the Lord.
                    If you want to claim God wants something, say it with Scripture.

                    Oh, and isn't your "Not actively looking for a relationship" going against the Will of God?

                    Genesis 9:7 "And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein."

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I would like to introduce myself

                      Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
                      As you seem to have a problem with my correcting the other poster (re: proper capitalization of references to God and Jesus), am I to understand you're OK with people not showing God/Jesus the respect He/They deserve on this forum?



                      If you want to claim God wants something, say it with Scripture.

                      Oh, and isn't your "Not actively looking for a relationship" going against the Will of God?

                      Genesis 9:7 "And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein."
                      I dedicate much of my time to spreading the Holy Gospel to the children of my town, I simply would not have enough time to try and save them if I had children of my own.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I would like to introduce myself

                        Originally posted by Alan Roberts Jr. View Post
                        I dedicate much of my time to spreading the Holy Gospel to the children of my town, I simply would not have enough time to try and save them if I had children of my own.
                        I for one respect a man whom forgoes Earthly satisfactions such as marriage, to be closer to children and God

                        Matthew 19:10-12
                        10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
                        11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
                        12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


                        It takes a lot of dedication!


                        Welcome


                        Yours in Him
                        DAM
                        Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
                        Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.


                        sigpic

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I would like to introduce myself

                          Is this a couple of trolls who went queer for each other?
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I would like to introduce myself

                            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                            Is this a couple of trolls who went queer for each other?
                            What do you mean? Are you referring to the sinner named Didymus?

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I would like to introduce myself

                              Originally posted by Alan Roberts Jr. View Post
                              ...Are you referring to the sinner named Didymus?
                              You think I'm a sinner and a troll? Why, I... I...






                              ...I'm remarkably apathetic, actually.

                              Comment

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