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  • #1

    Ex-Catholic (I promise)

    Greetings,

    As I sit here in the rectory - er, computer room with my protective statue of the blessed virgin, I mean, Sean Hannity watching over me, I feel blessed that the saints - meaning the live ones, of course - had the presence of mind to let Google lead me to you. While I am an ex-papist, (really), I hope you can open your sinless hearts to me, because one day I think you'll see me as worthy to live in the condominiums that are a part of the promised land of Landover.

    One night when I was still a child, my heathen parents sent me out on a journey to gather candy for my older brothers, who would be turned away since no costume could be found at the local Kmart that would fit them and our neighborhood tended to frown on trick or treating by anyone older than 10. As I knocked on the door of my last victim of this satanic ritual, I heard the song "Are you washed in the blood of the lamb" softly playing in the background. Instead of candy, the kind gentleman dressed only in sparkling white jockey shorts slipped a little pamphlet in my hand called "Read This or Burn in the Lake of Everlasting Fire." That night I read it 30 times, just to be sure and avoid that lake. That was my introduction to our Savior.

    Unfortunately, I fell into the hands of Mary worshippers when I was 15 and was baptized into the Mother Church where I have been a priest for the last 15 years - up until now, I mean - I'm not doing that anymore, of course. Just as sure as the catechism is sitting by my bed (or, I mean, it used to be), I am now a believer in the true faith of any God fearing Christian, the Baptist faith.

    My favorite scripture is:

    1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned, and is dead.

    I hate to see anyone so stoned that they die, but apparently Naboth couldn't hold his smoke, and the LORD saw fit to stop his heart. I'm sure that St. Michael the Archangel wept (The KJV one, not the Catholic one - I am sure they are different).

    I am crossing myself that you'll allow me to become a part of this holy alliance.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

    Welcome Brother.

    I for one am willing to accept your claim to have left the papists. At least, until proven otherwise.

    You really need to get right with Jesus and quick. I can see you are still vaunerable to saint worship, idol worship and all the God hating rituals of the Catholic church.

    Also, Sean Hannity is a papist himself. Don't trade idol worship for picture worship. It's the same thing. And another thing: Christians don't cross themselves. That is a heathen ritual.

    Seek redemption, Brother, through the love of Jesus Christ, who was killed by your Roman friends up on Golgotha. It's that or Hell. Don't go there; it's too hot.
    God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

      Well Baz, much as I would like to believe you, with an introduction like that I have grave doubts about you.

      As you know God, and his Son, Jesus, have a very special place for people who lie and mock. It's called Hell.

      Remember this as you are falling into the pit:

      Revelation 21:8

      But the fearefull, and vnbeleeuing, and the abominable, and murderers, and whore mongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all lyars, shall haue their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

      Enjoy your swim.

      YIC
      TT
      Isaiah 66:15

      For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

        I wonder if I could trouble you to elaborate on a few of the many Bible-based reasons why the Roman Catholic "Church" is actually not Christian.

        With Scripture, please.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

          I swear to St Bernadette that I have indeed turned away from false doctrine. When my pastor stopped by yesterday, he said he was amazed at how sinless I looked without my priest's collar. As you get to know me, you'll find that just as the legendary Sister Taffy is a true icon of this church, so will I someday follow in her footsteps, with the angels flapping their wings in joy hovering above me. I may even pass the Betty Bowers test one of these days. May the one whose terrible sword sends out lightning bolts to slay the terrorists keep you in peace.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

            Let me try and help little Barry out a bit by giving him one or two pointers:

            1. The position of Mary as a mediator between a penitenten and God:

            Impossible: 1 John 2:1

            My little children, these things write I vnto you, that ye sinne not. And if any man sinne, we haue an Aduocate with the Father, Iesus Christ the righteous

            2. Statues in the Roman Catlick Church are used to venerate the person depicted:

            This is pure blasphemy: Exodus 20:4, 5

            4 Thou shalt not make vnto thee any grauen Image, or any likenesse of any thing that is in heauen aboue, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water vnder the earth.
            5 Thou shalt not bow downe thy selfe to them, nor serue them: For I the Lord thy God am a iealous God, visiting the iniquitie of the fathers vpon the children, vnto the thirde and fourth generation of them that hate me
            Isaiah 66:15

            For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              I wonder if I could trouble you to elaborate on a few of the many Bible-based reasons why the Roman Catholic "Church" is actually not Christian.

              With Scripture, please.
              Um, well, I think that no one, um, can dispute (our lady of lourdes forgive me) that the Revelation of John THE BAPTIST (Hallelujah to the Utmost) mentions the dreadful image of catholickism in the 17th chapter when the whore of Babylon raises her head, no doubt with a papist smirk on her unholy countenance and a line of children dressed in plaid at her side.

              I might also point out that ring-kissers have the gall to revere a woman as a matriarch of their cult, when any Bible believing male knows that we are on this earth to rule our women, whether they be barefoot and pregnant or just barefoot. (Ephesians 5:22-23).

              I would provide more but early mass - er, Sunday School comes quickly so I should get my rest.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                Thomas, I wonder if you have that name because you are a doubter - or just angry because your computer misspells Bible verses everytime you quote them. (LOL, I know you're using Old English, LOL ROFL)

                LOL. "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine." I'm sure our Lord Jesus has a sense of humor and I bet he smiles down on your condemning ass and has a good giggle. Hope to see you in the men's fellowship service one day and share a back slap. As Sister Mary Agatha said to me just last week - uh, last year - "Goodness, Father - get a smile on your face. People will think you're a Presbyterian." LOL

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                  I am glad to see you understand the Whore of Babylon as the Catholic Church.

                  Will you now marry and have children as God intended for you to? 1 Timothy 3:2
                  Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


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                  • #10
                    Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                    Originally posted by Brother Larry View Post
                    Thomas, I wonder if you have that name because you are a doubter - or just angry because your computer misspells Bible verses everytime you quote them. (LOL, I know you're using Old English, LOL ROFL)
                    No, he is using modern English. There is no biblical translation into Old English. Your church saw to that.

                    There is the Wycliffe version in middle English. You know, the guy the Catholics dug up the body and desecrated it for translating the Bible into English? Maybe you didn't know that.
                    Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                      Originally posted by Brother Larry View Post
                      Thomas, I wonder if you have that name because you are a doubter - or just angry because your computer misspells Bible verses everytime you quote them. (LOL, I know you're using Old English, LOL ROFL)

                      LOL. "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine." I'm sure our Lord Jesus has a sense of humor and I bet he smiles down on your condemning ass and has a good giggle. Hope to see you in the men's fellowship service one day and share a back slap. As Sister Mary Agatha said to me just last week - uh, last year - "Goodness, Father - get a smile on your face. People will think you're a Presbyterian." LOL
                      Barry, please show me one place where I have condemned you, or anyone, for that matter. By your incessant mocking you have done that all by yourself. Well done my boy. Enjoy your daily swim in the Lake of Fire
                      Isaiah 66:15

                      For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                        Originally posted by Levi Jones View Post
                        I am glad to see you understand the Whore of Babylon as the Catholic Church.

                        Will you now marry and have children as God intended for you to? 1 Timothy 3:2
                        "Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters." As your question appeared on my superfast personal computer, I was reminded of the admonition given above. And yes, I will marry. Of course I think you'd agree that these things should not be done hastily, so perhaps I will be ready in a few years.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                          Originally posted by Brother Larry View Post
                          "Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters." As your question appeared on my superfast personal computer, I was reminded of the admonition given above. And yes, I will marry. Of course I think you'd agree that these things should not be done hastily, so perhaps I will be ready in a few years.
                          James 4:13-16 appears to disagree with your attitude. Seriously, check it out. You simply might not have a few years....
                          Joshua 1:6: "Bee strong, and of a good courage: for vnto this people shalt thou diuide for an inheritance the land which I sware vnto their fathers to giue them".

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                          • #14
                            Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                            Larry, I have read your comments subsequent to my own welcome to you and I have concluded that you are not a saved former Catholic, you are a current Catholic, an idol worshipper and one who prays to false gods. I further believe you are either a Roman priest or a liar and the penalty for either is a trip to the Lake of Fire that burns eternally.

                            God hates Catholics and liars equally. You Romans hung Jesus up on that cross and killed Him as a service to your fellow heathens, the Jews. God has no forgiveness for the likes of you and you can expect to go to Hell for your sins, which are many.

                            I believe you come here to this site for sport, to abuse Christians. That is not an original idea. Many have come here to try that and most of them are down in Hell with the Devil right now, suffering the searing flames of perdition.

                            I will pray for you, but I doubt it will do any good. It is God who decides these things and I think He probably harbors a burning hatred for you.
                            God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Ex-Catholic (I promise)

                              Originally posted by Alvin Moss View Post
                              Larry, I have read your comments subsequent to my own welcome to you and I have concluded that you are not a saved former Catholic, you are a current Catholic, an idol worshipper and one who prays to false gods. I further believe you are either a Roman priest or a liar and the penalty for either is a trip to the Lake of Fire that burns eternally.

                              God hates Catholics and liars equally. You Romans hung Jesus up on that cross and killed Him as a service to your fellow heathens, the Jews. God has no forgiveness for the likes of you and you can expect to go to Hell for your sins, which are many.

                              I believe you come here to this site for sport, to abuse Christians. That is not an original idea. Many have come here to try that and most of them are down in Hell with the Devil right now, suffering the searing flames of perdition.

                              I will pray for you, but I doubt it will do any good. It is God who decides these things and I think He probably harbors a burning hatred for you.
                              My good brother,

                              If you will read the thread "Shalom", I think you may have a new opinion of me. Not more than ten minutes ago, I was convicted by the Holy Spirit and a True Christian in this forum. As it I were blind, the scales fell from my eyes and I tossed my clerical collar (Neckwear for the Damned) and all other paraphernalia related to His Holyless into a pit of fire. It was rather symbolic for me, having realized that the fate met by these formerly treasured possessions was the same fate that I was speeding toward at the speed of stupidity.

                              I do not deserve the acceptance of this heaven-bound group, but I pray that my continued humility and spirit of true repentance will somehow convince you to allow me to remain in fellowship - even if I am only permitted in the outer sanctuary. I know that the paltry $50,000 I was going to contribute to the expansion of the church is not welcome, so I have torn up the check and thrown it into the fire as well. Perhaps when I am considered more than your mere shadows, I might be also considered worthy to donate and receive the blessings of our LORD.

                              In sackcloth and ashes,
                              Brother Larry

                              PS: Anyone know what to do with a rosary collection? They won't burn.

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