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  • Brother Temperance
    Senior Usher
    True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
    A very nice young man
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15621

    #16
    Re: Help me please Jesus

    Originally posted by snottyduck View Post
    If you really want to get away from your current life-style then you must change it yourself, you cannot ask anybody (not even Jesus) to just wipe out your life-style...
    Wrong. We are more than capable of wiping out your depraved lifestyle and all who indulge in it. Capiche?
    O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



    God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

    Comment

    • Get Thee Hence!
      Forum Member
      Forum Member
      • Feb 2008
      • 137

      #17
      Re: Help me please Jesus

      Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
      On VHS? When did you commit these wicked acts, 1992?
      Oh no Brother, long before 1992.

      The quality cuts were on Beta!

      Comment

      • snottyduck
        Confirmed Enemy of God
        BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
        • Apr 2008
        • 564

        #18
        Re: Help me please Jesus

        Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
        Wrong. We are more than capable of wiping out your depraved lifestyle and all who indulge in it. Capiche?
        Unfortunately for you, you can't. If he doesn't change himself to start with you might force him into another lifestyle but at the end this will only be a facade that falls down pretty quickly. People can only change when they want to, not when somebody else wants that.

        Comment

        • Get Thee Hence!
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Feb 2008
          • 137

          #19
          Re: Help me please Jesus

          Originally posted by snottyduck View Post
          Unfortunately for you, you can't. If he doesn't change himself to start with you might force him into another lifestyle but at the end this will only be a facade that falls down pretty quickly. People can only change when they want to, not when somebody else wants that.
          Did you not read here?

          Comment

          • Get Thee Hence!
            Forum Member
            Forum Member
            • Feb 2008
            • 137

            #20
            Re: Help me please Jesus

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            He said, ""Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel." That word, "go" there is a verb. And for those of you illiterate, misguided Christians who allow unsaved people through the doors of your church each Sunday morning, a verb is an "action word," and "go" means "GO!" as in "leave," or "SCRAM!" It doesn't mean, sit on your hiney!
            I feel my username may have unintentionally led some of the True Christians™ of this Godly Forum to be wary of the intent behind my prayer request.

            Get behind me Satan is not a euphemism.

            I have walked (and many times bolted) hand in hand with Satan since I was six years of age.

            After reading the Pastor's words above I have come to believe that "get" is some kind of present participle of "go".

            I no longer hold hands with Satan, however that beast continues to taunt me, constantly attempting to lead me (from the front) back to the gratifying seduction of my former life.

            Hence "Get behind me Satan" does not imply a wish for Satan to root for me, nor to prop me up from the rear so as he can continue to express his evil ejaculations through me.

            My desire is to be a
            True Christian™.

            This has led me to the only place I can be Saved.

            Help me please Brothers and Sisters.

            I have been a wicked sinner.






            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78553

              #21
              Re: Help me please Jesus

              Originally posted by Get behind me Satan View Post
              I feel my username may have unintentionally led some of the True Christians™ of this Godly Forum to be wary of the intent behind my prayer request.

              Get behind me Satan is not a euphemism.

              I have walked (and many times bolted) hand in hand with Satan since I was six years of age.

              After reading the Pastor's words above I have come to believe that "get" is some kind of present participle of "go".

              I no longer hold hands with Satan, however that beast continues to taunt me, constantly attempting to lead me (from the front) back to the gratifying seduction of my former life.

              Hence "Get behind me Satan" does not imply a wish for Satan to root for me, nor to prop me up from the rear so as he can continue to express his evil ejaculations through me.

              My desire is to be a
              True Christian™.

              This has led me to the only place I can be Saved.

              Help me please Brothers and Sisters.

              I have been a wicked sinner.






              The actual scripture you are shooting for is this:

              Matthew 4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

              Many false Christian Bibles translate it as "Get thee behind me, satan" but that's wrong.

              I hear your plea, friend. I'll do everything I can to help guide you onto the path of True Christianity™. Many strive but few acheive such a lofty goal.

              Why don't you start off by listing all of the filthy, perverted, disgusting sins that you've been wallowing in. Bare your soul to Christ, and let us help you along the Path of Righteousness©.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • Get Thee Hence!
                Forum Member
                Forum Member
                • Feb 2008
                • 137

                #22
                Re: Help me please Jesus

                Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                The actual scripture you are shooting for is this:

                Matthew 4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

                Many false Christian Bibles translate it as "Get thee behind me, satan" but that's wrong.

                I hear your plea, friend. I'll do everything I can to help guide you onto the path of True Christianity™. Many strive but few achieve such a lofty goal.

                Why don't you start off by listing all of the filthy, perverted, disgusting sins that you've been wallowing in. Bare your soul to Christ, and let us help you along the Path of Righteousness©.
                Thank you Pastor for your True Christian™ understanding of my plight.

                Pastor.......It is difficult for me to begin such the list you have requested. I know this is God's favored Forum, and you have asked for details in all their perverse glory previously, however I am reticent to begin lest I open the floodgates toward a requiem entitled "The Bandwidth of Landover".

                Perhaps my fears would be allayed somewhat if you yourself had Word in Jesus's Ear© and asked Him if it would be appropriate that my username be corrected to "Get thee hence, Satan".

                On the subject of shooting, what does Jesus recommend I shoot, how frequently should I shoot it/them/that, and what is the the most likely weapon to achieve the aim of Christ?

                Comment

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