[Brother Temperance]

Re: Help me please Jesus

If you really want to get away from your current life-style then you must change it yourself, you cannot ask anybody (not even Jesus) to just wipe out your life-style...

Wrong. We are more than capable of wiping out your depraved lifestyle and all who indulge in it. Capiche?

[Get Thee Hence!]

Re: Help me please Jesus

On VHS? When did you commit these wicked acts, 1992?

Oh no Brother, long before 1992.

The quality cuts were on Beta!

[snottyduck]

Re: Help me please Jesus

Wrong. We are more than capable of wiping out your depraved lifestyle and all who indulge in it. Capiche?

Unfortunately for you, you can't. If he doesn't change himself to start with you might force him into another lifestyle but at the end this will only be a facade that falls down pretty quickly. People can only change when they want to, not when somebody else wants that.

[Get Thee Hence!]

Re: Help me please Jesus

Unfortunately for you, you can't. If he doesn't change himself to start with you might force him into another lifestyle but at the end this will only be a facade that falls down pretty quickly. People can only change when they want to, not when somebody else wants that.

Did you not read here?

[Get Thee Hence!]

Re: Help me please Jesus

He said, ""Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel." That word, "go" there is a verb. And for those of you illiterate, misguided Christians who allow unsaved people through the doors of your church each Sunday morning, a verb is an "action word," and "go" means "GO!" as in "leave," or "SCRAM!" It doesn't mean, sit on your hiney!

I feel my username may have unintentionally led some of the True Christians™ of this Godly Forum to be wary of the intent behind my prayer request.

Get behind me Satan is not a euphemism.

I have walked (and many times bolted) hand in hand with Satan since I was six years of age.

After reading the Pastor's words above I have come to believe that "get" is some kind of present participle of "go".

I no longer hold hands with Satan, however that beast continues to taunt me, constantly attempting to lead me (from the front) back to the gratifying seduction of my former life.

Hence "Get behind me Satan" does not imply a wish for Satan to root for me, nor to prop me up from the rear so as he can continue to express his evil ejaculations through me.

My desire is to be a True Christian™.

This has led me to the only place I can be Saved.

Help me please Brothers and Sisters.

I have been a wicked sinner.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Help me please Jesus

I feel my username may have unintentionally led some of the True Christians™ of this Godly Forum to be wary of the intent behind my prayer request.

Get behind me Satan is not a euphemism.

I have walked (and many times bolted) hand in hand with Satan since I was six years of age.

After reading the Pastor's words above I have come to believe that "get" is some kind of present participle of "go".

I no longer hold hands with Satan, however that beast continues to taunt me, constantly attempting to lead me (from the front) back to the gratifying seduction of my former life.

Hence "Get behind me Satan" does not imply a wish for Satan to root for me, nor to prop me up from the rear so as he can continue to express his evil ejaculations through me.

My desire is to be a True Christian™.

This has led me to the only place I can be Saved.

Help me please Brothers and Sisters.

I have been a wicked sinner.

The actual scripture you are shooting for is this:

Matthew 4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

Many false Christian Bibles translate it as "Get thee behind me, satan" but that's wrong.

I hear your plea, friend. I'll do everything I can to help guide you onto the path of True Christianity™. Many strive but few acheive such a lofty goal.

Why don't you start off by listing all of the filthy, perverted, disgusting sins that you've been wallowing in. Bare your soul to Christ, and let us help you along the Path of Righteousness©.

[Get Thee Hence!]

Re: Help me please Jesus

The actual scripture you are shooting for is this:

Matthew 4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

Many false Christian Bibles translate it as "Get thee behind me, satan" but that's wrong.

I hear your plea, friend. I'll do everything I can to help guide you onto the path of True Christianity™. Many strive but few achieve such a lofty goal.

Why don't you start off by listing all of the filthy, perverted, disgusting sins that you've been wallowing in. Bare your soul to Christ, and let us help you along the Path of Righteousness©.

Thank you Pastor for your True Christian™ understanding of my plight.

Pastor.......It is difficult for me to begin such the list you have requested. I know this is God's favored Forum, and you have asked for details in all their perverse glory previously, however I am reticent to begin lest I open the floodgates toward a requiem entitled "The Bandwidth of Landover".

Perhaps my fears would be allayed somewhat if you yourself had Word in Jesus's Ear© and asked Him if it would be appropriate that my username be corrected to "Get thee hence, Satan".

On the subject of shooting, what does Jesus recommend I shoot, how frequently should I shoot it/them/that, and what is the the most likely weapon to achieve the aim of Christ?