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  • #1

    Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

    Hello to all,

    I present myself, I am Christian Grey. As you can tell by the name : I am a Christian.
    Well I love the Bible and I remember being beaten with it so hard all the dust in the pages would make me choke when I was a bad boy. Anyway, let's go to the serious matter.
    Indeed, I have always been taught about the existence of an after-life but never how to get there. So I need advice.

    I thought incineration would be the best because it would get rid of bad thoughts through the flames of Satan. Also, because it will remove body it means it will reduce the possible threat of necrophilia and when I go to Heaven I will not be able to masturbate so good for God.

    Also my surname is Grey like the ash with makes me close to God because he shows that I am dust falling from clouds.

    But my idea gets better : I will mix the ashes with a pack of instant mash so that I can become a Holy Food and then people will consume me and I will be reborn in them so this creates eternal life and this is like organ donation because I will be supplying others with life.

    Maybe God created Earth as we know it will the development of instance mash known as Smash so that I could find the answer to life after death.

    I believe this should become the new food to be used in Churches and this will receive a sudden rise in sales, assisting the Global debt we in fact owe to God.

    I believe this because the word ''Smash'' sounds like ''Smashed'' referring to being drunk so this may signify the wine that made Jesus a bit tipsy and all those in the Bible.

    Plus in the attachment of the Smash we can see blood and this represents Jesus' blood so this is to be consummated at Churches and it also contains all the colours of the American flag proving God loves America and also the robot thing at the top is a demonstration of the horrid propaganda we all face in our modern society.

    This is a revolution, believe me. Any advice ?

    Thank you
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    And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. Revelation 12:9
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  • #2
    Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

    So ... ?
    And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. Revelation 12:9

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

      Originally posted by Christian Grey View Post
      So ... ?
      So tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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      • #4
        Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

        I didn't find Jesus, he found me. Literally it just happened. I used to go to a church but it got burned down so I have no where.
        My favorite Bible versus are :
        Deuteronomy 22:11 but I find it difficult to follow but it's the wish of the lord.
        Ephesians 5:22 I follow this very rigorously and I fully succeed. They will never dominate me.
        Deuteronomy 23:1 Looks like I'm in ladies
        And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. Revelation 12:9

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

          I am not sure if there is any instruction in The Bible about what should happen to a corpse, but how can you rise from the grave when you are cremated?

          Anyway, I think most people will pass on eating your corpse. We have looked up cannibalism in The Bible and it is quite silent on the practice.

          Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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          Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

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          • #6
            Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

            Originally posted by Christian Grey View Post
            I didn't find Jesus, he found me...
            As if you could hide from someone who's omniscient.

            By "finding Jesus", Mrs. Etheldreda meant "what happened that made you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour"? Don't try the "but I've always..." bullshit either (unless you want to prove that you've never read the Bible and aren't really a Christian).

            ...I used to go to a church but it got burned down so I have no where...
            The Church (according to the Bible) isn't a building, but the people. What happened to them, or your Pastor? Did they all "burn down"?

            ...My favorite Bible versus are :...
            Ephesians 5:22 I follow this very rigorously and I fully succeed. They will never dominate me...
            "They"? Are you Mormon? Muslim? Some other form of polygamist?

            ...Deuteronomy 23:1 Looks like I'm in ladies
            So ONE verse doesn't apply to you. Yay? Do you follow the other 600+ requirements the Bible lays out for the faithful, perfectly? If not, you're not a Christian.

            James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

            Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
            ...I am not sure if there is any instruction in The Bible about what should happen to a corpse...
            Jesus says to let the other corpses deal with it, busy yourself with the souls of the survivors:

            Luke 9:57-60 "57 And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest. 58 And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head. 59 And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. 60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God."

            ...We have looked up cannibalism in The Bible and it is quite silent on the practice.
            Did you skip the day Zeke covered 2 Kings 6:28-29?

            It doesn't condemn the cannibalism, btw, just the fraud afterwards.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

              Mr. Grey, you seem to have a lot of very weird notions, most of which have no basis in scripture. Are you not reading your Bible, or are you just not understanding it? We can help you with that.
              WARNING:
              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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              • #8
                Re: Post Death Rituals Advise and hello I am new

                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                I am not sure if there is any instruction in The Bible about what should happen to a corpse, but how can you rise from the grave when you are cremated?
                Quite so, Brother Bobby.

                Genesis 3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

                To dust we must return, not to ashes.
                Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

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