Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

[Al Quran]

Greetings! I have come to speak with you as a new convert to Isa's Path, about how my former brothers in Allah and I have much to learn from your holy book. I am a member of no church yet, as they all seem depressingly compromised by a lack of real Bible truth round here, but am keen to get cracking on that. I first found Isa through my childhood Holy Book, though he's not such a big deal in that as Mo. As any brief perusal will inform you, Muslims like burning infidels and the ungodly. But my particular interest as a former property lawyer lies with Leviticus Ch.25 vv.25-34 (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...Leviticus%2025), as the basis of a Godly reform of England's and Wales' socialistic so-called Human Rights focussed laws of land tenure. Simple common sense, I say - and so relevant to a modern setting. Check it out - and I suggest that given the prospects of a caliphate even in one of your more vulnerable Mid-Western states was always pretty remote, my aim would be to pilot some good traditional Bible laws in the UK as a working compromise before rolling it out worldwide. At the point of a pitchfork if need be. I am not so sure how it will translate into Maghrebi Arabic as opposed to Classical, as I have had so little time to study recently, being so busy with whipping up hate-storms and finger-wagging in cheap uploaded clips on YouTube. Anyway, enough of my hobby-horse! Back soon, insh'allah!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

I've moved your post, dear, as we are civilized here at Landover Baptist Church. Civilized people introduce themselves openly and not in the shadows of another introduction thread. You must have so many things to learn about the civilized world now that you've allowed the scales to fall from your sandy, couscous filled eyes.

You're up against a tough crowd in Godless England, that's for sure, but if you are sincere in your confession and acceptance of Jesus in your heart, you will do great works for His Glory (John 14:12)!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Greetings! I have come to speak with you as a new convert to Isa's Path, about how my former brothers in Allah and I have much to learn from your holy book. I am a member of no church yet, as they all seem depressingly compromised by a lack of real Bible truth round here, but am keen to get cracking on that. I first found Isa through my childhood Holy Book, though he's not such a big deal in that as Mo. As any brief perusal will inform you, Muslims like burning infidels and the ungodly. But my particular interest as a former property lawyer lies with Leviticus Ch.25 vv.25-34 (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage...Leviticus%2025), as the basis of a Godly reform of England's and Wales' socialistic so-called Human Rights focussed laws of land tenure. Simple common sense, I say - and so relevant to a modern setting. Check it out - and I suggest that given the prospects of a caliphate even in one of your more vulnerable Mid-Western states was always pretty remote, my aim would be to pilot some good traditional Bible laws in the UK as a working compromise before rolling it out worldwide. At the point of a pitchfork if need be. I am not so sure how it will translate into Maghrebi Arabic as opposed to Classical, as I have had so little time to study recently, being so busy with whipping up hate-storms and finger-wagging in cheap uploaded clips on YouTube. Anyway, enough of my hobby-horse! Back soon, insh'allah!

Greetings and welcome!


(somebody gonna frisk this guy?)

[Thomas Helwys]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Greetings and welcome!


(somebody gonna frisk this guy?)

Not me, here in Montana we don't have many...darkies around here so I wouldn't know what to do.

[Al Quran]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

But wait! I've just become a Muslim apostate - the penalty is death - to become unsaved trash in the eyes of the Supreme Saviour Christ Jesus! What kind of a deal is that? When the messengers of the Umma catch up with me, they'll administer condign punishment and as a result, I'll burn in eternal hellfire. I need more than a touch from Jesus. Landover, Pastor, oh good shepherd, help!

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

But wait! I've just become a Muslim apostate - the penalty is death - to become unsaved trash in the eyes of the Supreme Saviour Christ Jesus! What kind of a deal is that? When the messengers of the Umma catch up with me, they'll administer condign punishment and as a result, I'll burn in eternal hellfire. I need more than a touch from Jesus. Landover, Pastor, oh good shepherd, help!

What you need to do is read the Bible(KJV1611) cover to cover and spend the rest of your life living by it.

If ye love me, keep my commandments. - John 14:15

YIC

[Godfly]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

It's charming to see one of your kind come to Jesus. It's like watching a bear ride a bicycle! I'd like to set up a tent at the RV park and charge folks five bucks to watch you read scripture! No dynamite vests though. I don't care how stylish you people think they are!

What's that ticking noise?

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Matthew 2:1

That's it. They left from east and then there was no more left.

But if you read enough scripture (can mooslims read?) you might have a chance.

I pray for you.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

But wait! I've just become a Muslim apostate - the penalty is death - to become unsaved trash in the eyes of the Supreme Saviour Christ Jesus! What kind of a deal is that? When the messengers of the Umma catch up with me, they'll administer condign punishment and as a result, I'll burn in eternal hellfire. I need more than a touch from Jesus. Landover, Pastor, oh good shepherd, help!

Yo Al, a little patience is required when it comes to Jesus. When it comes to Christians, you can't just do like the mooselimbs do and recite the Shahada (La Illah Illallah, Mohammed rasul Allah). There's a reason that the old Ottoman empire collapsed at the hand of the Soldiers of Christ - we don't just let anyone in.

Mohammed's (piss be upon him) problem is that he "converted" far too many with threats of having their heads lopped off while rampaging through various parts of the world. Far too many mooselimb converts didn't particularly care for the false moon god to begin with - to say nothing of the brutal tactics of his followers. One has to look no further than today's headlines and ISIS. True Christian's™ take a while, checking you out with the DoF (Department of Faith) to make sure you really love Jesus before you become a True Christian™.

[Al Quran]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Is it not written "Jesus is coming, look busy"? Actually, I am busy, running from the youths from Friday prayers, who have got a posse out for me. I stick out like a sore thumb at Sunday evensong, trying to read the hymnal from right to left, and being asked to remove my keffiyeh when I come through the door of the church. I'm not sure you guys really care at all. Do you just think you're all saved already, and that God will sort the rest of us out come the Day of Judgment? Let us, my brothers, go with Mark Ch.16 v.16 - He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. As a True Believer, I went into my local church and got the font and water thing all sorted out myself. Surely now, faith alone is enough, as the prophet Luther told us!

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Is it not written "Jesus is coming, look busy"? Actually, I am busy, running from the youths from Friday prayers, who have got a posse out for me. I stick out like a sore thumb at Sunday evensong, trying to read the hymnal from right to left, and being asked to remove my keffiyeh when I come through the door of the church. I'm not sure you guys really care at all. Do you just think you're all saved already, and that God will sort the rest of us out come the Day of Judgment? Let us, my brothers, go with Mark Ch.16 v.16 - He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. As a True Believer, I went into my local church and got the font and water thing all sorted out myself. Surely now, faith alone is enough, as the prophet Luther told us!

Luther?
Oh yeah. Luther...Martin Luther? That German beer-barrel who claims that Moodslim faith is just heresy?

[Al Quran]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

That I am now a Christian - al-nazari - shows that I have no further truck with the faith of my fathers. I thought us True Believers were all to love Martyr Luther, because he was the first true modern Bible Christian, and gave the Pope of Rome, the Anti-Christ and Whore of Mammon, one in the eye? Brothers, guide me!

[Marko Loimaan-Aho]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Trust the Lord! Do not be afraid!

Proverbs 29:25

Go to mountains, alone, find a cave and read whole - learn to know GOD!!!

Psalms 119:18

When You read the Bible with pure heart, GOD himself teaches you and helps you to understand

Job 32:8
John 6:45

After that you might be ready to take Jesus inside you. Jesus is God's Son and like God's Word: quick, powerful and sharper than any sword.
Hebrews 4:12

After you have felt His power, you will understand!

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

I thought us True Believers were all to love Martyr Luther, because he was the first true modern Bible Christian.

Welcome, repenting moon worshipper. One of our pastors has an interesting sermon on this topic.

"We believe that the Baptists are the original Christians. We did not commence our existence at the reformation, we were reformers before Luther or Calvin were born; we never came from the Church of Rome, for we were never in it, but we have an unbroken line up to the apostles themselves. We have always existed from the very days of Christ, and our principles, sometimes veiled and forgotten . . . have always had honest and holy adherents. Persecuted alike by Romanists and Protestants of almost every sect . . . We have ever been ready to suffer, as our martyrologies will prove . . ."

I don't believe Martin Luther was a True Christian(tm). For one thing, he believed parts of the Bible contradicted each other. He offered to give his doctor's cap to anyone who could reconcile these two verses:

Rom 3:28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

Jas 2:24 Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.

[Al Quran]

Re: Former Mooslim, Touched By Jesus

Poor Luther, being around 100 years before the King James Bible meant that the two verses that confused him must have been heretical or the fruit of some apostate! Maybe that excuses him. I'm cool with the whole baptismal thing, and am reassured by that, but am a bit worried about taking Jesus inside me if that's what literally happens, like Marko says.


Just off to find that cave now ... I take it that any fossils which I find there will either have been planted by Satan to confuse me, or will in fact just be debris from Noah's Flood.