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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78556

    #16
    Re: Hello!

    Originally posted by David O'Peele View Post
    Hello fellow Christians,my name is David.

    The church i do attend is the Landover Church,my favorite verse

    Thessalonians 5:28 "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. "

    I come to you tell my experience I've had in a country called Brazil, I went to this country to exchange experiences and show all what a True Christian™ is, but when I visited the first town called salvador - bahia i was shocked,all habitants with their skulls deformed similar to monkeys, desnutrition, no one even knew WHAT is a bible, much less the word of our LORD.

    After that I visited the city of São Paulo - Brazil,already very traumatized, I never expected what i was going to see, its inhabitants,vast majority have at least one gay friend or family member who is gay, you could smell anal mucus from any of these people, the worst of all was when I saw some of these people do a "dance" called funk, whose movements are similar to a monkey on a angry fight.

    I hope the grace of OUR LORD Jesus Christ
    LORD purify my eyes,because i saw the impurities.
    LORD purify my ears,because i heard the impurities.
    LORD purify my nose,because i smelled the impurities.

    I want to be part of this forum,perhaps i should call it a big family not a forum,i hope Jesus Christ accept me here .

    Welcome to God's favorite forum. There is no Landover baptist Church in godless California, and since I would have your Tithe on record if you attended here in Freehold, then you are either confused or a liar. Which is it, slaphead?

    If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

    If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

    You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

    Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • Faith_Machine
      Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Mar 2011
      • 10050

      #17
      Re: Hello!

      What is this business about missing sermons, as if that's an OK thing to do? On those rare occasions when I can't be in church, I have DVDs of Pastor Zeke's sermons drop-shipped to me within 24 hours of his giving them.

      It's a nice service, and it only costs $50 per sermon. You should sign up for it, O'Peele.
      WARNING:
      In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
      REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

      Comment

      • Attila's Wife
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Jul 2013
        • 1941

        #18
        Re: Hello!

        I smell a big fat rat. Not a single one of those Bible verses is taken from the KJV. Even the links lead to bowdlerized versions - NLT, ESV and some abomination called the God's Word Translation. Satan's word, more likely!
        2 Timothy 3:16

        All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


        Comment

        • Naomi Ruth Lamb
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Nov 2013
          • 999

          #19
          Re: Hello!

          David,

          Are you married? This matters.

          In Christ,
          NRL
          1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
          Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
          Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
          Locations in 50 States and Canada
          !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
          Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
          Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

          Comment

          • Thomas Helwys
            Forum Member
            Forum Member
            • Aug 2014
            • 126

            #20
            Re: Hello!

            Originally posted by Attila's Wife View Post
            I smell a big fat rat. Not a single one of those Bible verses is taken from the KJV. Even the links lead to bowdlerized versions - NLT, ESV and some abomination called the God's Word Translation. Satan's word, more likely!
            I agree, a demonic rat! My cat (we only have for mousing purposes) though not saved through Christ, has been vomiting all over the house since this rat came on our website.
            Revelation 19:15-16 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, King Of Kings, And Lord Of Lords."

            Comment

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