[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

I knew it. Damn. For the historical record, did she... you know... do the thing with the pinky finger?

Me! I refuse to spend any more time thinking about that horrid passage through the birth canal 2000+ years ago. Nothing to see there or here. Go and pay some extra tithes to Pastor Zeke or I just might apply Genesis 6:6 to your case.

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

He is also filled with unprecedented WRATH, as only too few True Christian™ men congratulated Him on His actual Birthday, while the others were preoccupied. This means that no-one else is safe.

Dear Jesus,


Especially in light of last year's message, I wanted to wish You a Happy Birthday!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Wooooo, we love you Jesus! Me especially, I love you most!

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Dear Jesus,


Especially in light of last year's message, I wanted to wish You a Happy Birthday!

"...wanted..."? What happened? Did you cease wanting or did something prevent you from the actual act of wishing? I am not whining but how difficult would it be to actually "wish" and not just "want"? I don't want to come off as a cry-baby and actually you are at least wanting while almost everyone else (except Zeke) is just absent. But y'all should remember that My Name is Jealous when I put on my God Hat and I do put it on! How much just how much do you think a Man can take of this neglect and dismissal? I am not begging for praise, some regular everyday worship would do nicely, hymns and kneeling and prostrating and flogging and stoning of sinners. Do I have to do everything here? Where are the Prayers of Gratitude for all the smiting I did in 2022? 2021? 2020? A new plague! Hundreds of thousands of my soldiers giving their life in Youcrane defending Vlad from the Nazis? I did all that? Whom did y'all smite? Just asking! Million dying of covid coughing their lungs out! Of course, all that smiting was enjoyable by its own right, but a man sometimes would like to have some feedback of a work well done? Not just "wanting" to praise me, which I am not begging. You are the ones who need to beg. My second coming is off for now. I'll come later as a thief in the night. Ha-ha. And you are my best, the other lot will suffer even more. My name is Jealous! You have NO IDEA of the AGONY that you will experience unless you let me save you from the agony I'm gonna give you if you won't let me save you from it! Just some punishments to remind you of my WRATH: Rectal cancer. Hebephrenia. Piles. Cellulitis. Lice. Constipation.

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Wooooo, we love you Jesus! Me especially, I love you most!

This is better, not much but visibly better. Just remember that the amount of love is directly proportional to the amount of money you tithe. That means megabucks. I've suffered a lot, the couple of days on the Cross were tedious and boring. Remember that and keep that cashflow flowing.

[Prayer Warrior]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

"...wanted..."? What happened? Did you cease wanting or did something prevent you from the actual act of wishing? I am not whining but how difficult would it be to actually "wish" and not just "want"? I don't want to come off as a cry-baby and actually you are at least wanting while almost everyone else (except Zeke) is just absent. But y'all should remember that My Name is Jealous when I put on my God Hat and I do put it on! How much just how much do you think a Man can take of this neglect and dismissal? I am not begging for praise, some regular everyday worship would do nicely, hymns and kneeling and prostrating and flogging and stoning of sinners. Do I have to do everything here? Where are the Prayers of Gratitude for all the smiting I did in 2022? 2021? 2020? A new plague! Hundreds of thousands of my soldiers giving their life in Youcrane defending Vlad from the Nazis? I did all that? Whom did y'all smite? Just asking! Million dying of covid coughing their lungs out! Of course, all that smiting was enjoyable by its own right, but a man sometimes would like to have some feedback of a work well done? Not just "wanting" to praise me, which I am not begging. You are the ones who need to beg. My second coming is off for now. I'll come later as a thief in the night. Ha-ha. And you are my best, the other lot will suffer even more. My name is Jealous! You have NO IDEA of the AGONY that you will experience unless you let me save you from the agony I'm gonna give you if you won't let me save you from it! Just some punishments to remind you of my WRATH: Rectal cancer. Hebephrenia. Piles. Cellulitis. Lice. Constipation.

Yes, I should have been more precise. Someone of Your stature shouldn't have to deal with substandard wording.


I wanted to, still want to, will always want to, and do wish You a Happy Birthday! Glad I was able to get this correction in before midnight.


Thank you for all those Smiting's and for not having included me in those plagues (yet).

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Yes, I should have been more precise. Someone of Your stature shouldn't have to deal with substandard wording.

I wanted to, still want to, will always want to, and do wish You a Happy Birthday! Glad I was able to get this correction in before midnight.

Thank you for all those Smiting's and for not having included me in those plagues (yet).

OK whatever... I'm not sulking. Just gonna watch the second season of The White Lotus with Dad and the HSp now.

[Didymus Much]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

OK whatever... I'm not sulking. Just gonna watch the second setason of The White Lotus with Dad and the HSp now.

Three things (none of which are Happy Birthday; apparently that's in March or something):


-one of the the sparkles that Blingee™ gave You makes it look like You're flipping the bird


-I Googled HSp (before I clued in) and got stuff about fuel additives


-never binge anything with those guys; They know how everything ends and like to spoil shit

[Jesus]

Re: ASK JESUS - 2022

Three things (none of which are Happy Birthday; apparently that's in March or something):

-one of the the sparkles that Blingee™ gave You makes it look like You're flipping the bird

-I Googled HSp (before I clued in) and got stuff about fuel additives

-never binge anything with those guys; They know how everything ends and like to spoil shit

I this some kind of trick question? I'm not holding my breath but - just in case you come to your senses - the Heavens will rejoice even more than we did when Jeff Dahmer repented. That was a feast of frankincense and wine until dawn! Please be reminded that I won't be sending you into HELL. You'll be choosing that yourself. You'll be in the outer darkness for eternity in PAIN and as I am the light etc. etc., there will be no illumination, not even naughtycal twilight. Ha-ha. You may know how The White Lotus ends but I know how YOU will meet your Creator, that's Me!