[Santa Claus]

Hindus recognise one God, Brahman, the eternal origin who is the cause and foundation of all existence.

Goodness Gracious me ^2. Darling Boy! I have no interest in philosophy but only on deliveries. That said, me elfs are avid dicvers and beneath the Polar Ocean (there is no land, our headquarters float on ice above the geographical North Pole) they have discovered clear indications of lost R'lyeh (previously, everyone thorught it resided in the South Pacific); they've seen slimy green vaults, and it is quite possible that in his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming. So many gods, and they can't all be right... but could they all be wrong? Ho ho ho I'm digressing. You need to study the culture of these Christians if you wish them to become respective interlocutors. I suggest starting from the beginning with good vintage children's books from my secret storehouse within the ice.





These are all suitable to your reading level. After that, you can go on to more complicated stuff. Ho, be hasty as that is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.

[Santa Claus]

So am I misattributing ideas to you which in fact you do not hold?

Mitzy Possum! Is this a trick question? Perhaps a nice perfume's fumes will bring your thoughts back to myrrh.

[MitzaLizalor]

Is this a trick question?

No. I neither carry gas grenades nor wish to visit Manhattan so Daggett & Ramsdell's dubious-looking product would not be camouflaged were I to carry one. Unless you mean Manhattan Beach? It's quite near my place in California but those to whom I witness wouldn't appreciate "that sort of thing" especially not at night. And certainly not indoors! Ew!! Mostly they wear stuff like Patchouli Oil, if anything, and obsess over organic plant extracts. I tell them, Just because it says ‘organic’ on the label doesn't mean it's organic in the bottle, but will they listen? However I doubt they'd be interested in the fumes: more likely they'd drink the stuff.

How are you getting on with the paint? I'm trying to match Antique Red without success so far. Sample attached. It probably matches your or Rudolph's nose.

[Isabella White]

I'm trying to match Antique Red without success so far. Sample attached. It probably matches your or Rudolph's nose.

I'll just leave this here, dear Sister Mitza ...

[Santa Claus]

No. I neither carry gas grenades nor wish to visit Manhattan so Daggett & Ramsdell's dubious-looking product would not be camouflaged were I to carry one. Unless you mean Manhattan Beach? It's quite near my place in California but those to whom I witness wouldn't appreciate "that sort of thing" especially not at night. And certainly not indoors! Ew!! Mostly they wear stuff like Patchouli Oil, if anything, and obsess over organic plant extracts. I tell them, Just because it says ‘organic’ on the label doesn't mean it's organic in the bottle, but will they listen? However I doubt they'd be interested in the fumes: more likely they'd drink the stuff.

How are you getting on with the paint? I'm trying to match Antique Red without success so far. Sample attached. It probably matches your or Rudolph's nose.

Mitzy-teeny-wheeny! My glaciated stash of vintage genuine replicas is running a bit low as I'm abut to take off for the Pacific, Japan and St. Lawrence Island. BUT I managed to locate some jars of nice shades.


If they are not to your liking, you can always use these nice colored lights to tune the tone, as they say. Gotta go soon. Rudy is ready to jerk off in a massive burst and I can't hold him much longer. The sweet boy is as enthusiastic as ever to let it fly!

[Santa Claus]

I'll just leave this here, dear Sister Mitza ...

Bella my Fellah! Such a nice pic of me and ol' Rudy chillin' after our duties. Rudy likes Bavarian Weizens but I've always cherished Hibernian stout. So nice of you to remind us of the R&R that we'll enjoy in just a couple of days! As a small token of our appreciation, here's an extra nice Christmas message for you only! Ho ho ho!



I can promise you that both I and Rudy will be comin' onto you as we always do!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Dear Santa-bot,

Without mentoning the words "Gay" or "Rudy" please describe how you are going to empty your sacks on underage girls and boys while their parents are sleeping. Answer in 20 words exactly.

[Santa Claus]

Dear Santa-bot,

Without mentoning the words "Gay" or "Rudy" please describe how you are going to empty your sacks on underage girls and boys while their parents are sleeping. Answer in 20 words exactly.

Dearest Tiny-Tony!

I am everywhere and not in one place only. No one can hide from me in Heaven and on Earth.

Not gonna tell you all the stuff I've reserved for you, Tiny! Let's just say that your ultimate wish not to be so "tiny" may come to fruition. Ho ho ho!

[Isabella White]

Is it safe to come in here yet? Let us hope (and pray) that SATAN Claus has left and that our blessed can get back to normal — without evil influences! Why, the amount of damage that SATAN Claus has done is unbelievable. Agatha (my sister) sent me this photo. Isn't that horrible? And it's all because of sinful SATAN Claus and his "gay" this and "gay" that!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Here's hoping this whiskey-laced gay-obsessed Santa will retire to the North Pole Bar until next year.

[Santa Claus]

Is it safe to come in here yet? Let us hope (and pray) that SATAN Claus has left and that our blessed can get back to normal — without evil influences! Why, the amount of damage that SATAN Claus has done is unbelievable. Agatha (my sister) sent me this photo. Isn't that horrible? And it's all because of sinful SATAN Claus and his "gay" this and "gay" that!

Sweetest Bella my Pumpkin! I'm just going for the Big Finish and - at your service - I can take a small detour and deliver you these wonderful vessels of the genuinest plastic. These shakers and canisters will store your Christmas leftovers uncontaminated! And they are such a joy to your old eyes!

[Santa Claus]

Here's hoping this whiskey-laced gay-obsessed Santa will retire to the North Pole Bar until next year.

Johny Little 'un! So sweet of you to remember Ol' Santa. I'm almost ready and finishing off this sweaty act of physical exertion with a big, hearty swallow. I think I'm going to celebrate with Rudy and the Elfs with some genuine champagne from the stash.



Johny-boy! See you soon! We'll be both cruising on the same ship in January! Ho ho ho!