[Jesus]

But where were the wise men?
The Star was in the east and they followed it to Jerusalem: are you suggesting they went the whole way backwards? Or did they see The Star when they were in the east?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. The cuckold Joseph wasted all the god and silver on gambling, whoredoms and crocoburgers in Egypt and tried to snort the myrrh as if it were cocaine. I had barely recovered from the dreadful experience of being in intimate contact with my Mother's birth canal. The three mages are now in Hell as they were never properly baptized. They are spending their eternity in a pool of molten electron having myrrh and frankincense eye drops applied every minute. The burning sensation that they cause is exquisite.

[Jesus]

tl;dr... I love Jesus.

Then stop this madness. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. And I ain't seen that yet.

[Jesus]

(You may think that God could have got Eve pregnant and simply murdered that baby, once it was born, but there would be no Judas; "sure," you may reflect, "yet Adam could have betrayed the thing," which overlooks the fact that The Betrayer goes and tops himself so if that were Adam, who'd be available to murder the baby?

Judas did attempt to top himself in a most peculiar act of self-sodomy while bottoming himself, as well. It was a sorry sight and he never accomplished it on Earth. Me and Dad did see to it that he has now been agonizing congress with himself (his spine will never ever be straight again pun intended) for almost two millennia and that will continue into Eternity!

[Jesus]

Namaste Jesus

I must betray several individuals next year, for reasons known only to my heart. Please ensure that I receive my thirty-one pieces of silver by January 2025, at least one more than what you arranged for Judas.

Rest assured; the cows of my family Hindu temple are well-fed. I would offer you the first-born calf. Requesting it not be turned into a McDonald's hamburger. Please keep it as a plaything.

Thank you come again.
GanduHindu

Me H. Me! Where does Zeke gather these savages? Are you one of his houseboys? OK, I'll send you 31 cubic nanometrs of Ag that is 181.66*10^15 atoms of silver. If you can confirm their delivery and count the atoms by January 15th 2025 AM, I will reconsider my decision of sending you into the Bottomless Pit once I unleash my WRATH. I need the definite answer to be sent to my Celestial Offices by effective prayer. If you don't know how to access my hotline, the worse for you once I unleash my WRATH,

[Jesus]

Dear Baby Jesus,

Do you have any copy of the only good comic about American history that ironically was not made by americans, aka Tex Willer?



I hope you won't confuse with the sinful and frenchie Lucky Luke.

Thanks, and forgive the world for rejecting you in the latest years.

Yes, I do.

[Jesus]

So that would be the year nine-nine-nine?

Never mind. You will be too busy writhing in unimaginable agony once I unleash my Wrath. However, many interesting things took place in 999 AM (anno mei). Gerbert of Aurillac was elected as the 1st French Pope. He's also in Hell now. You'll meet him there one day very very very soon.

[Jesus]

Can you please ask the to ban that -bound SATAN Claus from infesting this Holy place?

Yes, I can.

But I won't. I create evil and the wicked for the day of reckoning. That day will come to Santa when I unleash my WRATH. If you are one of my chosen ones, you'll see Santa F. Clause being penetrated by blazing-hot tungsten enemas while he has to castrate Rudolf with his teeth again and again for all eternity. In addition, I'll make him listen to a Justin Bieber song for each and every child he seduced into having more faith in him than me!

[Jesus]

“Ask Jesus”

In conversation recently, not on public transport you'll be pleased to hear, it was suggested that maybe an indigenous person is more able to represent everyone. Other than an indigenous European: the caveat was spat out: I gathered that a Pacific savage or perhaps a Greenlander or someone from the Bay of Bengal (there are islands) was envisaged. A trans or perhaps conjoined twins, it was proposed, would more effectively bring the world together. I'm not sure whether I agree with this. Has your outreach to such places enabled you to comment?

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yes, it has.

The majority of the world's population is very well represented by Bengalians, savages, brutal Greenlanders (until Donald buys it), conjoineds, Brazilians, Pentacostals, Italians, sheep-shaggers, etc. The majority will burn in Hell and so will all those. That's representation for you!



PS: Did you watch the Three-Body problem? Great ideas for smitings once I unleash my WRATH!

[Jesus]

Confefe! My Pal Jesus has promised to appear once again this Christmas to answer the questions of y'all. So keep 'em queries a-comin', as Satan Claus has already panetrated our manly defences and is rampaging this Forum!


I've been absent a bit as I had to ensure the election of my Pal Donnie. Now that everything's fixed I can once again concentrate on guiding you to Heaven. The first thing to remember if you want to be Saved^R is to keep 'em Christmas tithes a-comin' as the golden pipes of the Flint Mansion will not fix themselves! But, back to business. Here's my question: Jesus, Pal, when you finally can't resist the temptation and you take the Donald up to frolick with you in Heaven, who's gonna replace him as the leader of the Free World? Have anyone in mind?

Happy Memas Zeke my favorite boy! Love you so much! I also love Donald and can't wait to have him here in Heaven with me and and my other pals! That said, the day will come when Donald has to take up a yuge position up here and I shall need a suitable representative on Earth until I demolish it in my Wrath. I suppose I'll choose a 29-year old preacher who knows how to keep 'en houseboys in order, gives a realistic picture of my Wrath to his congregation, capische. Good established leadershp qualitites, great preaching skills, appreciation of the best wines a bonus. I can only think of one man that fulfills all those prophecies!

[Prayer Warrior]

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for delivering a wonderful 2024!

A male white friend was recently planning to get married to a seemingly white woman. However, an ancestry DNA test showed that the potential wife had 13% South African DNA, while the male friend had none.

After seeing all the good that Elon Musk has done, I thought maybe some exceptions were for people with white skin but only a small amount of African ancestry.

The family has gone through Bible verses but remains conflicted.
Genesis 24:3, Genesis 28:1, Exodus 34:12-16; Deuteronomy 7:3,4, Joshua 23:12, Exodus 34:16; Deuteronomy 7:4; Joshua 23:12,13, Judges 3:6,7.

Would you please provide specifics as to what degree of racial discrepancy is acceptable to you in a romantic relationship and how to go about measuring it? Is it skin color-based only and if so how much difference is skin color acceptable? Or should more modern DNA testing methods be taken into account and if so which origins countries or percentages are incompatible with each other?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Time to get serious, enough blah blah blah.

Jesus, you have really delivered on our prayers this year. There's really not much more we can ask. But if You're there anyway, any tips for the Nobel Prize?

[GanduHindu]

such as not eating meat on Friday or something, that does not flatly contradict the source material.

On the note of contradicting any source material, I’m struck by the remarkable coincidences between Christ and Krishna. While it might provoke strong reactions (and start a RIOT), I can't help but notice these intriguing similarities.

• Birth in humble surroundings: Jesus was born in a barn stable. Krishna, in a dark dungeon prison (both his parents were chained in shackles).
• God born in human flesh: Jesus was the fulfillment of the promise made in Isaiah 7:14. Krishna is something similar in Hindu prophecies.
• The Rulers wanted them dead: Based on a prophecy, King Herod wanted every male infant dead. And his soldiers had so many killed. Based on a prophecy, King Kansa wanted to kill Krishna in his mother's womb, so he killed all the male infants in his kingdom. Both baby Jesus and baby Krishna escaped miraculously.
• Birthplaces mysteriously illuminated: with very bright lights in both cases
• The Lost Years: Not much account of Jesus between his birth and adulthood. Not much account of Krishna between his teen years and eventual surfacing at the Mahabharata war.

But yes, not everything is similar. Krishna's life mission was to participate in the Great War, the Mahabharata war. Unlike Jesus, he didn't focus on spreading love between nations, as he correctly understood that most humans are arrogant and incorrigible, making it a futile effort. Instead, he left us with the Bhagavad Gita, which remains a profound spiritual guide..

[MitzaLizalor]

By "we" I mean contributors to the forum collectively. As to what modern languages are mentioned in The Bible, how are you ascribing modernity to a language? Pre-Norman? Later than Hellenistic Greek? Or do you mean the earliest language used to write down the text?

The point regarding catholicism is not name-calling but simply a matter of reading God's commandments and comparing those to catholic (or any other) doctrines. There's plenty of scope for innovation, such as not eating meat on Friday or something, that does not flatly contradict the source material.

So-called straw man arguments or ad hominem attacks are not tolerated at Landover.

[GanduHindu]

.largely because of travel.

You think you're the only one who's traveled? 😊 Are you Australian, by any chance? I have a feeling you're a true blue Aussie but I could be wrong. Anyway, it's a casual question—only if you wish to answer. It's not at all important to me.

.but we do know about the modern languages and, understand in what order they emerged as writing developed. There are many ideas circulating

Please note that I follow what you're trying to say here. I understand English very well. It's just that I think I'm perhaps more knowledgeable about how modern languages have evolved than you could ever be. Not to boast, but whether you know more than I do can only be established through a full debate. I can easily school you on this, but that would be unnecessary. And who is this 'we'? If you want to debate someone in the real world on any subject, you have to take full personal responsibility as "I." There are no "we's" in a debate.

But as both of us would agree, a debate on Sanskrit would be too off-topic. This subject is not relevant to the forum or my requirements here, which is strictly to discuss Christianity and Christians. I cannot emphasize that enough. Please check my introduction post. I am here because I have some serious questions and doubts about Christianity.

.l

There are many ideas circulating utterly at variance with God's information so to cover what's actually in The Bible (rather than what someone claims it to be) [/QUOTE]

On that note, let's only stick to what is mentioned in the Bible. I have no desire to go into other sources. Also, I concede that you know more about the Bible than I do (and by "you," I mean all you Christians on this website). I have a simple question: which is the first modern or real language mentioned in the Old Testament? Is it Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic, or something else?

It should not be something manmade like Proto-Indo-European or Klingon.

This is not a debate; it's a serious question. I genuinely want to know which modern language is first mentioned in the Bible. It would be helpful if you could also provide the book/verse and clarify whether that language name existed before or after the flood, and before or after Abraham. It's all right by me if that language was called something else.

For example, we all know that Mycenaean Greek was different from Alexandrian Greek, which is much closer to modern-day Greek. However, for the purpose of discussing the evolution of languages, we can simply club them together as Greek.

it is important to reject Catholic sources and traditions, which are in no way Biblical and which contradict God at every opportunity.

With due respect, I think that is your opinion, but there's a lot of merit in what you have to say. Still, at this moment, I want to keep an open mind and decide for myself whether Catholicism is the true Christianity and you're the heretics, or vice versa. Consider me a neutral observer.

I would really like to side with your church over the Catholics, and if I feel convinced by your position, I'll not shy away from acknowledging it loud and clear right on this thread.

But for that, you can't just keep saying they're heretics. That's called name-calling. Of course, I understand they're heretics from a Protestant perspective; I know the history. But that's a separate line of argument. On that note, I will return to my introduction thread and cite some observations I have about Catholicism and how it's similar to Hinduism in so many ways. Do feel free to participate there

i

II Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. So let's end this on a positive note here.

[MitzaLizalor]

On this forum, I would only like to discuss Biblical stuff

My blue section, which I think you overlooked, outlines a basic principle that you'll find helpful in any discussion. Replies are never replying to future posts, only to what's already been written. Similarly, events having causes always occur after the cause, not before.

Which languages you prefer is immaterial but we do know about the modern languages and, largely because of travel, understand in what order they emerged as writing developed. There are many ideas circulating utterly at variance with God's information so to cover what's actually in The Bible (rather than what someone claims it to be) it is important to reject Catholic sources and traditions, which are in no way Biblical and which contradict God at every opportunity. Why they don't know that is anyone's guess.

You can find the Gospel message here: https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/matthew-1-parallel-kjv-greek/ with reference to the authors' writing in case you're concerned about "translations" but in any event I'm sure you'll find it helpful and look forward to any upcoming discussions you engage in.

II Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.