[Jesus]

tl;dr... I love Jesus.

Then stop this madness. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. And I ain't seen that yet.

[Jesus]

But where were the wise men?
The Star was in the east and they followed it to Jerusalem: are you suggesting they went the whole way backwards? Or did they see The Star when they were in the east?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. The cuckold Joseph wasted all the god and silver on gambling, whoredoms and crocoburgers in Egypt and tried to snort the myrrh as if it were cocaine. I had barely recovered from the dreadful experience of being in intimate contact with my Mother's birth canal. The three mages are now in Hell as they were never properly baptized. They are spending their eternity in a pool of molten electron having myrrh and frankincense eye drops applied every minute. The burning sensation that they cause is exquisite.

[Jesus]

Thank you, Sister Miza, for bringing good information to this "debate." You have inadvertently provided the Hindus with a nifty marketing slogan, "Join the Hindu religion. Our camels walk backwards."

Is there a question somewhere?

This is a waste of time and I could be binge-watching The Bear season 3 with Dad and HS.

[Jesus]

That's a bit of a preconceived notion, don't you think? I hadn't even replied before you decided I was wrong. Anyway, it's a waste of the limited time God has given us all to argue semantics.



I don't understand how Cornwall, the Congo River, Carthage, or Libya fit into your argument. Each of these locations is thousands of miles from Jerusalem. In fact, India is relatively closer by a few dozen miles (ancient India included the present-day western territories of Pakistan). We believe that, for the sake of God, we will reclaim that territory (we don't recognize it as a country in its own right), show them the error of Islam, and encourage them to return to the Hindu fold. Anyway, I don't want to digress on that one.

Mali, I'll get to that in a while.




That's a good one, but I'm still not impressed. Clearly, you've never closely examined the night sky, with or without a telescope. However, you correctly mentioned that the course of the sky could have been mobile.

Back in 1 BC or 1 AD, the magnetic compass had already been invented by the Han Chinese. However, it wasn't a perfect design and wasn't truly perfected until the 11th century Song dynasty. The chances of a navigation error were as high as 20 percent, meaning these instruments were unreliable at best and dangerous at worst. Imagine trying to meet Jesus in Bethlehem and ending up somewhere near Mecca, where Muhammad's ancestors were worshipping the Black Stone, just as Moslems do today.

Stargazing was the only way to navigate from Point A to Point B.

As for Matthew 2:9, now of course, you would know that there's only one star that appears fixed at a point in the sky as it is aligned with the Earth's rotational axis at the North Pole. The Pole star, or the North star.

Every other star's position changes depending on the observer's reference point (the Magi in this case). East depends on the original direction and the time of day. Interestingly, the North Star is not explicitly mentioned in the Bible, which I've always found curious. If you find an indirect reference, let me know. The north star was well known to most ancient navigators. However, there's mention of astronomy in Job 38:31-32, indicating that the ancient Heebs were well aware of celestial mapping. So they definitely knew it all about the North star.

But let's just focus on another verse in the second chapter of Matthew, Matthew 2:7



Enquired of them obviously means having a face-to-face conversation. Obviously, there were no cellphones back then. Did Herod use some sort of ancient pigeon service to call upon the wise men? Possible, but very unlikely.

The most logical deduction is that the wise men, who were wealthy foreigners, had a face-to-face audience with King Herod. After traveling on camels for days, they would have been very tired. Being wealthy, they could afford to rest at the King's palace by buying their way in. Thus, the three Wise men likely spent quite a bit of time with King Herod before learning about Jesus's upcoming birth.

Now, where exactly was King Herod's palace? Obviously in his capital city. But as King, Herod fancied having multiple capitals: Jerusalem, Caesarea Maritima, and Herodium.

For argument's sake, let's assume that Herod received the Magi at his capital in Caesarea, which is a port near the Mediterranean Sea. Bethlehem is to the southeast from there. So, it's possible the Magi looked at the eastern sky (not clear on the time of day) and decided to follow its path.

Let me clarify again that 'east' in the night sky is not a well-defined navigation point. If you were an astronomy student, you'd fail for writing that in your paper, even in an ancient class. The only fixed point is the North Star, and if they were wise men, they wouldn't be so foolish as to head blindly in that direction. So your logical argument about Matthew 2:9 is moot. or irrelevant to our discussion.

Perhaps they decided that mentioning the North Star was not important. Israel is a small country, tinier than Vermont or Mizoram in India. You could just walk with your camel and end up near Bethlehem with a few educated guesses.

Maybe the light of Jesus was so luminous that they couldn't have lost their way. [See, Christians - I'm taking YOUR side here on matters of faith. I may be a devout Hindu but don't anyone ever accuse me of insulting the Bible or whatever..]



Of course, Sistah. I was joking. But my point is still valid, and those Arabs were never the brightest bulbs. The chances that there may have been a Magus among them are very slim. Muhammad's ancestors were living in Arabia, worshiping that black stone in Mecca.

Most 7th century Islamic practices can be traced to ancient Arab moon-worshiping rituals. It's not relevant to our current discussion. So, please laugh at my joke and let's move on.



Sure, Mary couldn't have traveled here. But, it would have been nice if Jesus had chosen a different womb for his earthly reincarnation.

You see, the western parts of India saw a lot of mixing of cultures. There were Greeks, Scythians, Persians, and even a few Hebrews. There has been a continuous Jewish presence in the state of Kerala, India, since the time the tribes were kicked out of Egypt by Pharaoh for being welfare stealers.

Ancient Indians were aware of the Jews. We may not have understood them very well (that's why the Vedas and Bhagavad Gita don't mention them at all), but we liked the fact that they mostly kept to themselves. They loved money as much as we did. In fact, India is the only country in the world with no record of anti-Semitism. That concept has never existed here. The Jews, as limited as their numbers were, were free to live and do as they pleased. Indians wouldn't bother them.

I wonder why Jesus didn't see that safety advantage and choose a different Jewess's womb. Of course, he definitely had different plans. All I said was it would have been nice for us to host him.




I already covered that in my discussion with you on another thread. Sanskrit is the most civilized language ever. The Rig Veda, the world's oldest continuous religious text, is in Sanskrit. Even the gods prefer to communicate in Sanskrit. Nothing beats Sanskrit.

Proto-Indo-European is not a real language—it's an artificial construct like Klingon from the Star Trek Universe.

Persian is old, but it's the second oldest thing after Sanskrit. We Indians have always beaten the Iranians in every competition. Their nation has always been second fiddle to ours throughout history. End of story.



Of course. Jesus was/is still amazing, but he owes us Hindus some money. And then all will be good.

Me F. Me.

[Jesus]

HitotheHindu--It makes sense the Hindus reverence of cows has its limits. I'm pleased you are not one of those atheists who argues with us about camels. The Bible states clearly that Abraham owned lots of camels. Smart a$$ atheists claim this cannot be true because camels were domesticated after the time of Abraham. That is heresy. God knows if he provided Abraham with camels or if he did not. God wrote in the Bible he had camels. End of story,

I can smoke camels without any side effects while the same stuff will give your lot (the mankind) lung cancer. That's one of Dad's better ideas.

[Jesus]

As to what modern languages are mentioned in The Bible, how are you ascribing modernity to a language? Pre-Norman? Later than Hellenistic Greek? Or do you mean the earliest language used to write down the text?

Modern languages appeared by our (Me and Dad and HG) command in 1611. All other tongues are used by brutal savages in the Bay of Bengali, in Greenland or by conjoined twins and - to an always higher degree - in Hell.

[Jesus]

On the note of contradicting any source material, I’m struck by the remarkable coincidences between Christ and Krishna. While it might provoke strong reactions (and start a RIOT), I can't help but notice these intriguing similarities.

• Birth in humble surroundings: Jesus was born in a barn stable. Krishna, in a dark dungeon prison (both his parents were chained in shackles).
• God born in human flesh: Jesus was the fulfillment of the promise made in Isaiah 7:14. Krishna is something similar in Hindu prophecies.
• The Rulers wanted them dead: Based on a prophecy, King Herod wanted every male infant dead. And his soldiers had so many killed. Based on a prophecy, King Kansa wanted to kill Krishna in his mother's womb, so he killed all the male infants in his kingdom. Both baby Jesus and baby Krishna escaped miraculously.
• Birthplaces mysteriously illuminated: with very bright lights in both cases
• The Lost Years: Not much account of Jesus between his birth and adulthood. Not much account of Krishna between his teen years and eventual surfacing at the Mahabharata war.

But yes, not everything is similar. Krishna's life mission was to participate in the Great War, the Mahabharata war. Unlike Jesus, he didn't focus on spreading love between nations, as he correctly understood that most humans are arrogant and incorrigible, making it a futile effort. Instead, he left us with the Bhagavad Gita, which remains a profound spiritual guide..

वयं सर्वे कृत्तवन्तः श्रीकृष्णस्य निम्नलोके रोदिमः।

[Jesus]

Time to get serious, enough blah blah blah.

Jesus, you have really delivered on our prayers this year. There's really not much more we can ask. But if You're there anyway, any tips for the Nobel Prize?

Finally! Someone appreciates my efforts! Let's consider a parable. A man born into a good but heretic family shared his house with cultivated root vegetables. One day he decided to give up the vegan lifestyle and cultivated nitroglycerine, sodium nitrate, and wood pulp. This got rid of the root vegetables but the man also suffered self-eunuchism. With no possibility of siring offspring, he gave his shirt and his considerable stash to promote oppositions of science. Eventually he died and a furniture company sprung up. I ask thee, is it better for man to strive for the prize in Heaven or plant a fig tree?

Hint: wood pulp is the key to resolving the parable!

[Jesus]

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for delivering a wonderful 2024!

A male white friend was recently planning to get married to a seemingly white woman. However, an ancestry DNA test showed that the potential wife had 13% South African DNA, while the male friend had none.

After seeing all the good that Elon Musk has done, I thought maybe some exceptions were for people with white skin but only a small amount of African ancestry.

The family has gone through Bible verses but remains conflicted.
Genesis 24:3, Genesis 28:1, Exodus 34:12-16; Deuteronomy 7:3,4, Joshua 23:12, Exodus 34:16; Deuteronomy 7:4; Joshua 23:12,13, Judges 3:6,7.

Would you please provide specifics as to what degree of racial discrepancy is acceptable to you in a romantic relationship and how to go about measuring it? Is it skin color-based only and if so how much difference is skin color acceptable? Or should more modern DNA testing methods be taken into account and if so which origins countries or percentages are incompatible with each other?

They are always incompatible. You have to be 100% pure to follow my commandments properly. Instead of struggling with those very advanced statistical theories, these people should pray the pigment away! My humblest mustard seed can do as much, why couldn't they? Once they've been granted their wish - and it's a lesser miracle than moving a mountain and that's easy - you can afterwards test the success with DNA testing, and if they've failed it's down to the bottomless pit with them! You should also remember that there's neither Greek nor Jew in Me. In fact, Greek ancestry is something we really don't appreciate, me and Dad. Did you see Mandalorian season 3?

[GanduHindu]

वयं सर्वे कृत्तवन्तः श्रीकृष्णस्य निम्नलोके रोदिमः।

Oh Jesus spoke Sanskrit to me. Did you see this, Mayor my friend. Hallelujah! 🙏

This miracle is far greater than when he healed the blind or cured those lepers or whatever. All that's not important to me.

What is important is that Jesus chastised me in raw unadulterated Sanskrit. There was some other stuff as well (in boring English) but I was no longer paying attention.

You know what, Mayor. Free drinks on the house. Plus if you want to order those darned cow steaks for the whole team, it's on my skinny Hindu dime
[I heard Chilis is more affordable than McDonald's so please be considerate on how you use my credit card.]

But Jesus, you son-of-a-God, you, you, you really made my day. Just forget about those silver Nanometers Tacometers or kilometres.

No dawg, you spoke Sanskrit. I'm giving you a 10-year waiver on that historic loan.

You spoke Sanskrit. I can't repeat that enough. It's made me weep tears of joy. Not to nitpick but you made a small accusative case error. But as a benefit of the doubt, It could've been your deliberate plan.

As a trained Hindu priest, nothing else really matters.

[Jesus]

tl;dr... Not to nitpick but you made a small accusative case error. But as a benefit of the doubt, It could've been your deliberate plan.

Too bad and it was and, as I knew you would, you failed. You know, were this criticism against Me, it could still be OK. All manner of sin and blasphemy against me shall be forgiven unto men: but all tongues and strange utterings are transmitted through the HG and, thus, your harsh words were targeted against HG. And He is furious. Your criticism against HG my Pal shall not be forgiven.

This effectively ends our communication with you as the deal is now settled. We'll be seeing you one day across the Great Gulf but you'll be too busy trying to accommodate the tungsten enemas to see us.

[GanduHindu]

Too bad and it was and, as I knew you would, you failed. You know, were this criticism against Me, it could still be OK. All manner of sin and blasphemy against me shall be forgiven unto men: but all tongues and strange utterings are transmitted through the HG and, thus, your harsh words were targeted against HG. And He is furious. Your criticism against HG my Pal shall not be forgiven.

This effectively ends our communication with you as the deal is now settled. We'll be seeing you one day across the Great Gulf but you'll be too busy trying to accommodate the tungsten enemas to see us.

Sorry Jesus. You could be God BUT

.....a Grammar error is a Grammar error .

I speak flawless Sanskrit. And I can tell a grammar error when I see one. Do you wish to contest it in a Hindu court?

Every language including Sanskrit has its rules. And you broke a mdjor one. Grammar errors are non-negotiable, and unacceptable.

😁

[GanduHindu]

We'll be seeing you one day across the Great Gulf but you'll be too busy trying to accommodate the tungsten enemas to see us.

Yea, whatever man. I've read all the Chicken tracts (link below) and I know what's your deal. Fair enough.

For what is worth, I do appreciate your humble attempt at Sanskrit. Grammar error aside, it was a very nice gesture on your part.

[Isabella White]

Yes, I can.

But I won't. I create evil and the wicked for the day of reckoning. That day will come to Santa when I unleash my WRATH. If you are one of my chosen ones, you'll see Santa F. Clause being penetrated by blazing-hot tungsten enemas while he has to castrate Rudolf with his teeth again and again for all eternity. In addition, I'll make him listen to a Justin Bieber song for each and every child he seduced into having more faith in him than me!

Oh, my! That does sound like a terrible bit of retribution, dear ; and, all of it is so fitting for all of the unholy commotion that SATAN Claus has given to this blessed . May I take this opportunity to wish You a very happy birthday, blessed , and may You have many more — actually, permanently never-ending — birthdays as You celebrate with Your (and our) Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost and the angels in Heaven above. I've made a little cake for You to enjoy!



P.S. — I must thank You, so very much, for the lovely crown that You gave to me last mas. I do assure You that I wear it in good, righteous faith. Bless You!

II Timothy 4:8 "Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the , the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love appearing."

[Jesus]

tl:dr... May I take this opportunity to wish You a very happy birthday, blessed , and may You have many more — actually, permanently never-ending — birthdays as You celebrate with Your (and our) Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost and the angels in Heaven above. I've made a little cake for You to enjoy!

You may.

Please buy some Oil of Olay.