[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

No one ever HAS to do it unless they want to.

The decision of when, where, and in what position to have sex, as well as decisions as to the use of contraceptives and/or sex toys or other enhancements, should be mutually arrived at by the loving couple.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Hear ye, Brethren of LBC!

I am finding this thread exhausting. Can't you go to someone else for martial advice of this nature?

Just remember, Sex: Dirty, if you're doing right.

That is-- with shameful furtiveness and full acknowledgment of the despicable nature of deeds done only in the dark.

Women: Brood Animals, to be serviced properly by the Stud, chosen by the Lord for vigor needed to produce healthy young'uns.

Talking: Kept to a minimum. Vocal cords only used to call upon God for strength and endurance of the trial which a woman must accept.

Let's see, what else. . . babies:good; pillows:iffy; exercise:carefully monitored . . . no such thing as "doorbell" above "foyer". If you find something where you're not supposed to be rooting around anyway, it's probably some mutant growth. IGNORE it, and it might go away.

Alright you people! I'm officially bored by sex now. Any further questions, ask Dr. Ruth.

Grouchy now, going away.

Grumpily Yours,

Handmaiden

[Sister Charli]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Warm showers of the correct vigor and pulse can also go a long way to exorcising the demon urges.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

Thank you kindly dear Sister.

I also find a couple of hundred miles with a hot throbbing Harley between my legs .....

Ummmm. Eerrrr. Might keep that one to myself.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

No one ever HAS to do it unless they want to.

The decision of when, where, and in what position to have sex, as well as decisions as to the use of contraceptives and/or sex toys or other enhancements, should be mutually arrived at by the loving couple.

Man, oh, man! Did you just arrive from another planet?! Scratch that-- God created life here, etc.

Very little of the sex mentioned in the Bible was between "loving couples". Lust appears from time to time-- and God PUNISHES it!

Marriage is about securing bloodlines and property rights-- OT--and glorifing the Lord -- NT.

Admittedlty, the Lord wants people to get along and live, stable contented lives in their households. But sex of the non-procreational kind?

Read your Bible, bud. Focus on the Pauline doctrines. Don't tell me the Bible and God have no bearing on your sex life! He can SEE you!

I really am getting tired of making sure people know about the dangers or sex and the need to seek the Lord in moderating of one's activities.

Can I work with junkies, now?

Exaustedly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Man, oh, man! Did you just arrive from another planet?! Scratch that-- God created life here, etc.

Very little of the sex mentioned in the Bible was between "loving couples". Lust appears from time to time-- and God PUNISHES it!

Marriage is about securing bloodlines and property rights-- OT--and glorifing the Lord -- NT.

Admittedlty, the Lord wants people to get along and live, stable contented lives in their households. But sex of the non-procreational kind?

Read your Bible, bud. Focus on the Pauline doctrines. Don't tell me the Bible and God have no bearing on your sex life! He can SEE you!

I really am getting tired of making sure people know about the dangers or sex and the need to seek the Lord in moderating of one's activities.

Can I work with junkies, now?

Exaustedly Yours,

Handmaiden

There will be no procreating in my bed. I was already menopausal when my husband and I met, and he has never wanted kids anyway. So fo us, sex is about expressing our love for each other by giving mutual pleasure.

Paul was a frustrated, bitter old man, who couldn't get laid, and decided that everyone needed to be as miserable as he was. No thanks.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

So fo us, sex is about expressing our love for each other by giving mutual pleasure.

[Sister Charli]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

There will be no procreating in my bed. I was already menopausal when my husband and I met, and he has never wanted kids anyway.

Or ticky pie toe lass.

I fear that I too will reach menopause before God sends me a lover husband.

Not many years of child bearing left in me. But I have not given up.

I am sorry that you passed your use by date before the good Lord gave you a bed pal.

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

I am sorry that you passed your use by date before the good Lord gave you a bed pal.

I've enjoyed being able to live my life the way I want, without the stress and pressure of raising children.
And now I don't have to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant. No more having to deal with condoms and spermicides.

I wouldn't call menopause "past my use-by date." A woman's ovaries and uterus aren't her only only reason for existence.

[Larry Lee]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

A woman's ovaries and uterus aren't her only only reason for existence.

Of course not. There's also pie baking and caring for men -- activities that every woman cherishes.

[Sister Charli]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Of course not. There's also pie baking and caring for men -- activities that every woman cherishes.

Oh yes! Praise God for flour, real butter (not this chemical margarine toxic pretendabutter) and rain water!

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Of course not. There's also pie baking and caring for men -- activities that every woman cherishes.

I'm not all that fond of baking, and he's not crazy about sweets, so pie isn't usually on the menu at our house. Unless, of course, you're using "pie" as a euphemism for sex, in which case, it's on the "menu" as often as we both crave it.

As for taking care of men, he and I take care of each other, but the only time either of us gets waited on is if s/he's too sick to get out of bed. Since we're both pretty healthy, that doesn't happen too often.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Paul was a frustrated, bitter old man, who couldn't get laid, and decided that everyone needed to be as miserable as he was. No thanks.

[Sound of serious throat clearing]

The Apostle Paul, also known as Saul of Tarsus,and the Apostle to the Gentiles, was chosen by Jesus in a beam of blinding light. Please note the specialness of that, Jesus didn't go through the trouble of blinding any of His other Apostles.

Paul was God's mouthpiece to the known world of the Romans. He penned- through direct revelation, close on to 40% of the New Testament with his own
cramped fingers. ( I don't KNOW about the cramped part, but I can assume.
I have a terrible time handwriting even a simple thank you note.)

The man shaped Christianity and changed the world-- he had more important things to do than "get laid". ( Any any True Christian woman of the first century would have been honored to have him.)

I wouldn't call menopause "past my use-by date." A woman's ovaries and uterus aren't her only only reason for existence.

Oh yeah? Just ask Sarah and Rachel. And if a women's existence is not be measured in her specific use -- or non-use -- of her sex organs, than how come you've determined that the Apostle Paul's life was lacking in some manner because he wasn't being constantly driven by the functions of his sex organs.

A man, especially an Apostle's, testes and phallus are not his only reason for existence.

Oh, and Paul was just as thankful for his state as you are over yours.

Pointedly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Sister Charli]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Since we're both pretty healthy, that doesn't happen too often.

Both pretty healthy? More deceit.

You have already said you are post menopausal so risk of osteoporosis is high, not to mention arthritis, angina, diabetes, gout and obviously alzheimers and korsakoffs.

[Tchoupitoulas]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

And if a women's existence is not be measured in her specific use -- or non-use -- of her sex organs, than how come you've determined that the Apostle Paul's life was lacking in some manner because he wasn't being constantly driven by the functions of his sex organs.

Paul was obsessed with the subject of sex. Look at how much of his writing is devoted to the subject.

A man, especially an Apostle's, testes and phallus are not his only reason for existence.

Agreed. One's genitalia shouldn't be the entire focus of one's attention. Paul just seemed to spend an awful lot of time trying to control what other people did with theirs.

Oh, and Paul was just as thankful for his state as you are over yours.

I doubt that, but I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[handmaiden]

Re: You don't HAVE to do 'it' on the honeymoon

Okay, I am seriously sleep deprived at the moment, so I'll just sketch you a thumbnail and leave the footnotes and bibliography for later.

Paul is praising the Lord all over the New Testament.

Paul was not just some old busy-body trying to tell people what to do with their peeps and wigwams-- he was trying to establish a social order based on a new faith that had brought together, sometimes, not happily, people from different sects of Judaism and gentiles of all sorts of cultural and religious persuasion.

What Paul accomplished in his life time of a collation of Christianity was similar in scope and lasting impact to what Alexander the Great did hundreds of years earlier when he spread Hellenic ideals into the East and opened Western eyes to ideas from the East.

Alexander did it with a title and an army. Paul did it with faith, tent-making skills and scrupulous compilation of the Jewish faith with the revelations of the new Christian one.

Paul changed the world. He worked very hard and was not a party animal. But he wasn't any more of a party pooper than Moses, who was always breaking up worship festivals for false idols and the like.

Moses was leading his people to a geographical promised land where they would carry out the spirtiual and practical worship of their God.

Paul was leading a larger group of disparate people into a metophorical promised land of faith. The people he dealt with had both higher spiritual yearnings and everyday practical problems which sometimes seemed to conflict.

The Roman world and many of its practices crumbled and transmuted and sort of petered out. Christianity endured.

So, maybe we could cut Paul a break? Afterall, how many grassroots social revolutions have you spearheaded?

Yawningly--With a little acid reflux thrown in-- Yours,

Handmaiden