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Helpful Hints for women: How to keep quiet!
Ahh, 1 Timothy 2:11-14. A favorite of mine. But how to follow it? As you know, females are very weak and we can't go 30 seconds without speaking. But God wants us to, and our husbands do as well. So, we can do it! Here are some tips on how to keep your mouths shut for Jesus!
Step 1: Keep busy! If you don't have a busy schedule, either you have a husband who doesn't love you enough, or you are just a rebellious brat who wants to go shoe shopping all day. Ask your husband if he has more chores for you to do and make sure you get them all done. Clean the kitchen, make breakfast, make lunch, make supper, clean the kitchen again, it could go on forever. Most if not all of your time should be spent doing work, and most work doesn't involve talking.
Step 2: Makeup! As you all know, women go CRAZY when it comes to makeup. The Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack description even talks about it! Every day, you should be looking your best for your husband. Yes, that means makeup, hair, and clothing. For lipstick, simply ask what your husbands favorite color is or one that he thinks suits you. If that color is red (the color of harlots) then ask for a different color. Make sure the color of the rest of the makeup compliments the lips to draw attention to them. If your husband seems to pay some attention to the lips, you want to please him and keep them looking nice. Speaking makes spit, and spit is gross, and spit messes up your lipstick. So you won't want to speak either way
Step 3: Keep a timer! Get a kitchen timer and set it to a small number. The largest you it should be is five minutes. Keep the timer in your pretty purse. If you wish to speak, start the timer. When someone else begins to speak, stop the timer, and start it again when you resume your speech. If your timer beeps, that means you have spoken enough.
Step 4: Keep a schedule! Find time with your husband to work out a schedule of what times you can speak and how long. Keep in mind your husband sometimes may not want you speaking at all, so just a reminder.
Step 5: Remember you are property! When you were young, your father most likely sold you to your husbands family. Even if you weren't bough, you still belong to your husband. So basically, you're a pet. Pets can't speak. They just yip and yap and meow. And pets get in trouble when they yip and yap and meow, so it's better to be quiet altogether. Something to help is a bark collar for dogs. These collars shock your neck of you speak too loud, so it is a good utility for when your husband isn't home to beat you.
And if all else fails, you have offended God by disobeying the Bible verse I recently mentioned. Remember Matthew 5:30 where it is written that it is better to CUT YOUR HAND OFF than to sin. This applies to tongues/mouths as well. So of your throats, tongues, mouths, or anything like that offends God, simply cut it off to make life easier! I sincerely hope these tips help!
Step 1: Keep busy! If you don't have a busy schedule, either you have a husband who doesn't love you enough, or you are just a rebellious brat who wants to go shoe shopping all day. Ask your husband if he has more chores for you to do and make sure you get them all done. Clean the kitchen, make breakfast, make lunch, make supper, clean the kitchen again, it could go on forever. Most if not all of your time should be spent doing work, and most work doesn't involve talking.
Step 2: Makeup! As you all know, women go CRAZY when it comes to makeup. The Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack description even talks about it! Every day, you should be looking your best for your husband. Yes, that means makeup, hair, and clothing. For lipstick, simply ask what your husbands favorite color is or one that he thinks suits you. If that color is red (the color of harlots) then ask for a different color. Make sure the color of the rest of the makeup compliments the lips to draw attention to them. If your husband seems to pay some attention to the lips, you want to please him and keep them looking nice. Speaking makes spit, and spit is gross, and spit messes up your lipstick. So you won't want to speak either way
Step 3: Keep a timer! Get a kitchen timer and set it to a small number. The largest you it should be is five minutes. Keep the timer in your pretty purse. If you wish to speak, start the timer. When someone else begins to speak, stop the timer, and start it again when you resume your speech. If your timer beeps, that means you have spoken enough.
Step 4: Keep a schedule! Find time with your husband to work out a schedule of what times you can speak and how long. Keep in mind your husband sometimes may not want you speaking at all, so just a reminder.
Step 5: Remember you are property! When you were young, your father most likely sold you to your husbands family. Even if you weren't bough, you still belong to your husband. So basically, you're a pet. Pets can't speak. They just yip and yap and meow. And pets get in trouble when they yip and yap and meow, so it's better to be quiet altogether. Something to help is a bark collar for dogs. These collars shock your neck of you speak too loud, so it is a good utility for when your husband isn't home to beat you.
And if all else fails, you have offended God by disobeying the Bible verse I recently mentioned. Remember Matthew 5:30 where it is written that it is better to CUT YOUR HAND OFF than to sin. This applies to tongues/mouths as well. So of your throats, tongues, mouths, or anything like that offends God, simply cut it off to make life easier! I sincerely hope these tips help!
of the biggest cluck. Shuts them right up for a good five minutes. Works on barking dogs as well. A side benefit is it is fun to watch them trying to get it off of the roof of their mouths.
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