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Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gord
Keilbasa
Choriszzo
Puffed Wheat

Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus
Brownies (we know what they add!)

If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips

We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice
Sushi
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
Haggis

Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli

Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)

Reminder that it's the devil's fruit
Pumpkins

Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.

i can comply with all but one of those

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

I have to admit, I love the crunch on my Roast Beef with American cheese (white) on home made sourdough bread.

Brother, you may wish to rethink the sourdough bread. I've been told that it's part of the culture of Sin Francrisco, and we wouldn't want to give those people special privileges by eating their bread.

[David Goldman]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.
2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!

In your case, Smeagol with an X, you can probably just ignore this list and just eat whatever you want. I seriously doubt that you are in a True Christian™ household (note the thread title), and I suspect that you have been fast-tracked for Hell anyway. So Bon Appetit, and enjoying it while you can.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.

God said so.

2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!

Do your own work on the road to Salvation(tm)

[Xmeagol]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

1) I get valid reasons to do so.
2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

good luck!

[JennyD]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

Just a reminder; the ban on pumpkin possession is still in effect. Those are satan's favorite fruits, people. Call a Pastor if you see your neighbor even touch one.

I thought Richard Simmons was Satan's favorite fruit.

You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!

And don't forget eel and squid! They cause desire for tentacle rape and submission to Cthulhu!

UnAmerican foods:

Curry
Couscous
Anything served with a goat's ear

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)



Glad to see that culinary abomination on the list !!

Who ever thunk up making sausage out of an animals lymphatic and immune systems tissues was totally depraved.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.

No you did not. There were some quick phone calls made and they were added on your suggestion.

[David Goldman]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.

And since I am single and have little food in the house anyway, I am definitely out of my area of expertise. That reminds me -- the few things in my fridge are growing fuzz again. Time for another clean out.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs
Fruit Loops
Skittles
Papist wafers
Captain Crunch

Zucchini
Summer Squash
Summer Sausage
Bratwurst
Any kind of Gord
Keilbasa (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
Puffed Wheat (Also add to Hippies List)
Brownies (Gay AND Anti-American)


Breakfast sausage links are OK because they are American and soooooo delicious. Although at my house I only make the patties and not the links.

[David Goldman]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

We should add a list of homer causing food as well, such as Skittles and Froot loops -- or perhaps add it under the Hippies are Godless scum category.

[James Hutchins]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

I am happy to report the only thing on the list in our house was commercially grown, Iceburg lettuce. I have to admit, I love the crunch on my Roast Beef with American cheese (white) on home made sourdough bread.

Unless the food is 100% American, picked (or killed) by hand in the US of A, we do not touch it.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

To avoid encouraging sodomy
Bananas
Cucumbers
Carrots
Eggplants
Walnuts
Salamis
Pepperonis
Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
Grape Nuts
Corn dogs

Hippies are Godless scum
Tofu
Arugula
Goat cheese
Granola
Alfalfa sprouts
Asparagus

If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
Lettuce
Carrots (again)
Beets
Turnips

We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
Tacos
Burritos
Kiwi fruits
Brussels sprouts
Guacamole
Red peppers
French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
Lucky Charms cereal
Snails
Frog legs
Rice

Because nobody likes them anyway
Spinach
Lima beans
Broccoli

Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
Apples (except in pie form)

Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.

You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!

[Nobar King]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.

How much do you think he paid for the seeds?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

Pastor Zeke, I heard a rumor that Reggie Bundy is planning on making a pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town, in the old car lot where Grand Ave. peters out into a dirt road. You might remember him as that man who not only let his kids go out trick-or-treating, but let them dress as a witch and a devil. Supposedly since he's been out of work for the last six months, he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.

I think we should wait after he spends all his money, then have Bobby-Joe and "the plumbers" go and deal with the situation. There ain't gonna be any jack o'lanterns around Freehold this year.