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  • #1

    List of foods now prohibited in True Christian(tm) households!

    After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

    To avoid encouraging sodomy
    Bananas
    Cucumbers
    Carrots
    Eggplants
    Walnuts
    Salamis
    Pepperonis
    Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
    Grape Nuts
    Corn dogs
    Fruit Loops
    Skittles
    Papist wafers
    Captain Crunch
    Zucchini
    Summer Squash
    Summer Sausage
    Bratwurst
    Any kind of Gourd
    Keilbasa
    Choriszzo
    Puffed Wheat
    Churros

    Hippies are Godless scum
    Tofu
    Arugula
    Goat cheese
    Granola
    Alfalfa sprouts
    Asparagus
    Brownies (we know what they add!)

    If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
    Lettuce
    Carrots (again)
    Beets
    Turnips

    We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
    Tacos
    Burritos
    Kiwi fruits
    Brussels sprouts
    Guacamole
    Red peppers
    French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
    Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
    Lucky Charms cereal
    Snails
    Frog legs
    Rice
    Sushi
    Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast
    Keilbasa (Polacks are also papists!)
    Choriszzo (I don't even know what this is, but according to Sister BTB it belongs on the list twice!)
    Haggis
    Curry
    Couscous
    abuelita-granulado

    Because nobody likes them anyway
    Spinach
    Lima beans
    Broccoli
    Eel
    Squid

    Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
    Apples (except in pie form)

    Reminder that it's the devil's fruit
    Pumpkins

    Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by Mrs. Mary Whitford; 09-05-2009, 05:14 PM. Reason: More
    Posted via Prayer

    1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
    Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

    Blogging for CHRIST!
    Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
    All a-Twitter for Salvation!
    Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
    On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
    My Ladies of Landover profile!
    Tags: banned foods, food for thought:let's eat!, god hates, hens go cluck cluck cluck, i love list threads!!!!, radical gay agenda, real american heroes, tree hugging hippy scum!
  • #2
    Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

    Just a reminder; the ban on pumpkin possession is still in effect. Those are satan's favorite fruits, people. Call a Pastor if you see your neighbor even touch one.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

      Members are warned to be cautious of death by sugar.
      "Even the smallest amount of sugar dust can ignite an explosion. People should be careful."
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

        Pastor Zeke, I heard a rumor that Reggie Bundy is planning on making a pumpkin patch on the outskirts of town, in the old car lot where Grand Ave. peters out into a dirt road. You might remember him as that man who not only let his kids go out trick-or-treating, but let them dress as a witch and a devil. Supposedly since he's been out of work for the last six months, he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.

        I think we should wait after he spends all his money, then have Bobby-Joe and "the plumbers" go and deal with the situation. There ain't gonna be any jack o'lanterns around Freehold this year.

        Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

          Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
          he's investing the last of his money into the pumpkin patch to keep his home from foreclosure and to feed his kids.
          How much do you think he paid for the seeds?
          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

            Originally posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
            After a special meeting of the Ladies of Landover, it has now been determined to ban the following foods from True Christian™ households. Bear in mind this is as well as all Biblical prohibitions, so don't start boiling those lobsters yet!

            To avoid encouraging sodomy
            Bananas
            Cucumbers
            Carrots
            Eggplants
            Walnuts
            Salamis
            Pepperonis
            Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
            Grape Nuts
            Corn dogs

            Hippies are Godless scum
            Tofu
            Arugula
            Goat cheese
            Granola
            Alfalfa sprouts
            Asparagus

            If God wanted your husband to be a rabbit, He would have created him as one
            Lettuce
            Carrots (again)
            Beets
            Turnips

            We're AMERICANS, so no fancy foreign stuff!
            Tacos
            Burritos
            Kiwi fruits
            Brussels sprouts
            Guacamole
            Red peppers
            French fries (Freedom fries are acceptable and welcome!)
            Pizza (especially if it has pepperonis (see above))
            Lucky Charms cereal
            Snails
            Frog legs
            Rice

            Because nobody likes them anyway
            Spinach
            Lima beans
            Broccoli

            Look what happened when Eve got ahold of one!
            Apples (except in pie form)

            Please bear in mind that this list is not yet complete, and can be added to. Any suggestions that have been missed are greatly appreciated.
            You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!
            sigpic


            Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



            God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



            Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

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            • #7
              Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

              I am happy to report the only thing on the list in our house was commercially grown, Iceburg lettuce. I have to admit, I love the crunch on my Roast Beef with American cheese (white) on home made sourdough bread.

              Unless the food is 100% American, picked (or killed) by hand in the US of A, we do not touch it.
              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                We should add a list of homer causing food as well, such as Skittles and Froot loops -- or perhaps add it under the Hippies are Godless scum category.
                _
                _
                Proverbs 27:17
                Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
                Romans 1:20
                For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
                2 Timothy 2:15
                Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

                ___________________
                Connect with me on:
                Facebook -- Youtube -- Twitter

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                  Originally posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post

                  To avoid encouraging sodomy
                  Bananas
                  Cucumbers
                  Carrots
                  Eggplants
                  Walnuts
                  Salamis
                  Pepperonis
                  Count Dracula cereal (gateway to gothicness as well)
                  Grape Nuts
                  Corn dogs
                  Fruit Loops
                  Skittles
                  Papist wafers
                  Captain Crunch
                  Zucchini
                  Summer Squash
                  Summer Sausage
                  Bratwurst
                  Any kind of Gord
                  Keilbasa (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
                  Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
                  Burger King French Toast Sticks or any French Toast (also add to the Anti-American Food List)
                  Puffed Wheat (Also add to Hippies List)
                  Brownies (Gay AND Anti-American)


                  Breakfast sausage links are OK because they are American and soooooo delicious. Although at my house I only make the patties and not the links.
                  sigpic

                  Tweet me Here
                  My GODLY Bio Here

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                    Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.

                    And since I am single and have little food in the house anyway, I am definitely out of my area of expertise. That reminds me -- the few things in my fridge are growing fuzz again. Time for another clean out.
                    _
                    _
                    Proverbs 27:17
                    Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
                    Romans 1:20
                    For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
                    2 Timothy 2:15
                    Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

                    ___________________
                    Connect with me on:
                    Facebook -- Youtube -- Twitter

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                      Originally posted by David Goldman View Post
                      Oops -- completely missed that part about the non-phallic sodomy items already being included.
                      No you did not. There were some quick phone calls made and they were added on your suggestion.
                      Posted via Prayer

                      1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
                      Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

                      Blogging for CHRIST!
                      Witnessing for GOD on YouTube!
                      All a-Twitter for Salvation!
                      Bringing Jesus to MySpace!
                      On FIRE for the Lord on Facebook!
                      My Ladies of Landover profile!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                        Choriszzo (also add to the Anti-American Food List)



                        Glad to see that culinary abomination on the list !!

                        Who ever thunk up making sausage out of an animals lymphatic and immune systems tissues was totally depraved.
                        Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          Just a reminder; the ban on pumpkin possession is still in effect. Those are satan's favorite fruits, people. Call a Pastor if you see your neighbor even touch one.
                          I thought Richard Simmons was Satan's favorite fruit.
                          Originally posted by Capt. A. Portway View Post
                          You forgot Sushi! Raw fish causes slanting of the eyes and animated porn cravings!
                          And don't forget eel and squid! They cause desire for tentacle rape and submission to Cthulhu!

                          UnAmerican foods:

                          Curry
                          Couscous
                          Anything served with a goat's ear
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                          • #14
                            Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                            I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

                            1) I get valid reasons to do so.
                            2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

                            good luck!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: List of foods now prohibited in True Christian™ households

                              Originally posted by Xmeagol View Post
                              I will stop eating those foods IF and only IF

                              1) I get valid reasons to do so.
                              God said so.
                              2) You tell me why and each fruit/whatever is forbidden. 100 character limit for each one

                              good luck!
                              Do your own work on the road to Salvation(tm)
                              sigpic


                              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                              Author of such illuminating essays as,
                              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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