PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

[Alfred King]

As it was published today:

King Diversity Proposal

Des Moines Register
March 5, 2010

Mayorial Candidate, Alfred King, is pulling out all the stops in his campaign to be the leader of Freehold. He is now taking on the center piece of Freehold's religious institutions and social structure.

"What I want to do if I'm elected," King said at a news conference today, "is establish a Freehold Office of Diversity and Outreach." The Office, King said, would seek to bring into Freehold people from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. Freehold has been going against the diversity trend in Iowa for years.

King's announcement was greeted with surprise at the State Capital Building. The Office of Economic Development Through Diversity has been disappointed with Freehold. "We've asked them to at least acknowledge the existence of our Office, or, send one person to our meetings," said Tina Linder, Executive Director, "but we hear back nothing, just nothing. With this King fellow, maybe something is changing."

For his part, King seems intent on moving the idea forward.

King's main opponent, Johny Joe Hold, could not be reached for comment.

The election is March 17.

Mali Upbeat
City Desk

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

Translation: If people are stupid enough to elect him, this spook is planning on giving special rights to all the queers, coons, witches and muslims. He'll round up all the White Christians and martyr them. All the Churches will be burned to the ground, and evolution will be forced upon all schoolchildren, and abortion will be mandatory.

[C. Reconstruction]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

King's main opponent, Johny Joe Hold, could not be reached for comment.

Your main opponent is God.

[James Dewitt]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

I wonder if Al will be handing out them mooslim prayer rugs at his BBQ?

[Petal]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

I wonder if Al will be handing out them mooslim prayer rugs at his BBQ?

i wants one of them cuz my big borther gots a pet piggy called Miss.Peggy Sue, an she need a noo blankie i gonna gives the prayer rugs to her

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

I wonder if Al will be handing out them mooslim prayer rugs at his BBQ?

That BBQ is a total disaster! There is a huge crowd at Mrs. Johnson, I didn't even know we had that many people in Freehold. And the worst thing is there is actually gospel music! It's terrible.

Fortunately I could borrow Pastor Ezekiel's bullhorn which I use to shout scripture at all those idiots at that BBQ.

I will make very sure everyone there is aware of Genesis 9:22-25.

My wife looks a bit sad because I told her she could not go there, but I am sure she understands.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

There is a huge crowd at Mrs. Johnson, I didn't even know we had that many people in Freehold.

Fortunately I could borrow Pastor Ezekiel's bullhorn which I use to shout scripture at all those idiots at that BBQ.

I will make very sure everyone there is aware of Genesis 9:22-25.

Thank you brother Cranky for using the bullhorn. But, to be honest, I'm concerned about the large crowd. I think it is time for our team to get on our knees and pray for a Godly outcome to this election.

[C. Reconstruction]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

My question is where did they come from ? I saw several buses arrive this morning and then leave. What is the predominant race of the gathering ?

We are having great fun at my BBQ, good food and we have gone through several hundred rounds of ammo.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

What is the predominant race of the gathering ?

I was expecting a lot of negros but weirdly enough most visitors seem to be white. Except for that awful Gospel Choir. I shot their amplifier but it seems they brought a spare. There are much more woman than man though. There was also some balloon clown for the children but he stopped making balloon animals after I shot a few of those.

I'm concerned about the large crowd

Don't be. Since it is mostly woman it is a matter of keeping our wives at home during the election. I explained this again to my wife, somehow she forgot about it, and although she looks a bit sad I am sure she understands.

We are having great fun at my BBQ, good food and we have gone through several hundred rounds of ammo.

Sorry I have to miss it, but I want to make sure that crowd next door stays of my lawn.

[C. Reconstruction]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

I was expecting a lot of negros but weirdly enough most visitors seem to be white. Except for that awful Gospel Choir. I shot their amplifier but it seems they brought a spare. There are much more woman than man though.

That makes things easier. We will declare the 15th, and 19th Amendments null and void on Mar 16th, then kindly reinstate them on Mar 18th.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

That makes things easier. We will declare the 15th, and 19th Amendments null and void on Mar 16th, then kindly reinstate them on Mar 18th.

Excelent plan! The crowd is now even bigger than before by the way. Unfortunately the bullhorn stopped working after I shouted a few hours through it. But I am sure they got the message.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

I'm posting this from my palm pilot in the front seat of Freehold Fire Department Chief Billy's car. It seems that the barbecue got out of hand and someone called it in as a 5 alarm fire. Chief Billy (a good True Christian(tm) ex-injun savage) tells me that the fire turned out to be quite small, but I'm afraid Mrs. Johnson's house suffered serious water damage due to the quick response of our boys in red. I got here just in time to see them charge into the house with their axes swinging, doing a room-by-room search for the fire. It was a sight to behold.

Praise Jesus, the party's over.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

She should be thankful to have such a responsive fire department. Ours is about a 15 minute response time, in which case people have either put out the fire themselves, or have lost everything. And yes that's within the city limits.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

someone called it in as a 5 alarm fire

That was me. I tried the Freehold Police Department first to complain about the noise but they didn't answer the phone.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: PRESS CONFERENCE: King Diversity Proposal

That was me. I tried the Freehold Police Department first to complain about the noise but they didn't answer the phone.

I understand they have Caller ID now.