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Praise Jesus, I think the good Lord has finally removed that child-corrupting monster from the planet! THIS article makes Jesus smile:
Beloved Children's Author J.K. Rowling Missing
David Jameson
Exclusive to Fox News
J.K. Rowling, renowned author of the controversial occult-themed Harry Potter series of young adult novels, has disappeared following a book-signing event in America's heartland.
"She'd received a letter from some church in Iowa," explained publicist Christopher Little, "inviting her to a huge book-signing event. They claimed they'd have over 100,000 people in attendance, and asked that she bring plenty of books to sell and sign. Always happy to oblige her fans, she agreed."
Rowling was flown by private jet to the vast gated complex called Freehold in central Iowa -- it has its own small airport -- having sent two tractor-trailers full of books to arrive the same day. What happened then is a mystery.
"Well, she arrived on about 6:30 last night," reported Bobby-Joe Herndon, Security Supervisor for Landover Baptist Church. "We thought she was going to miss the barbeque! But no, she made it. The coals were just getting hot when she arrived."
The remnants of the previous night's carnival were still in place; dunking booths, an outdoor BINGO hall, and any number of typical small-town fair booths.
"I don't know just how many books Miz Rowling brought," continued Mr. Herndon, "but you can see, they's all gone now. Sure was a big night! The kids especially loved roasting marshmallows over the J.K. Rowling Bonfire."
When asked where Rowling spent the night, Herndon replied cryptically, "Well, I can't rightly say, but I'm sure she stayed real warm, if'n ya catch my drift." I didn't, and he refused to elaborate.
Local police are likewise at a loss.
"Rowling missing, you say?" Sheriff Cartwright inquired, as I stepped into the local police station. "First I've heard of it! Know what they say, bad news travels fast. Fast outside Freehold, we don't never have bad news here, all God-fearin' folk. I'll get the boys on it."
Apparently, nobody had bothered to contact the police when the most famous author to visit in fifty years vanished. Nor can anyone explain why a church known for blasting Rowling's books as heresy would hold a major festival in her honor.
We will keep readers posted on further developments as they come available.
David Jameson
Exclusive to Fox News
J.K. Rowling, renowned author of the controversial occult-themed Harry Potter series of young adult novels, has disappeared following a book-signing event in America's heartland.
"She'd received a letter from some church in Iowa," explained publicist Christopher Little, "inviting her to a huge book-signing event. They claimed they'd have over 100,000 people in attendance, and asked that she bring plenty of books to sell and sign. Always happy to oblige her fans, she agreed."
Rowling was flown by private jet to the vast gated complex called Freehold in central Iowa -- it has its own small airport -- having sent two tractor-trailers full of books to arrive the same day. What happened then is a mystery.
"Well, she arrived on about 6:30 last night," reported Bobby-Joe Herndon, Security Supervisor for Landover Baptist Church. "We thought she was going to miss the barbeque! But no, she made it. The coals were just getting hot when she arrived."
The remnants of the previous night's carnival were still in place; dunking booths, an outdoor BINGO hall, and any number of typical small-town fair booths.
"I don't know just how many books Miz Rowling brought," continued Mr. Herndon, "but you can see, they's all gone now. Sure was a big night! The kids especially loved roasting marshmallows over the J.K. Rowling Bonfire."
When asked where Rowling spent the night, Herndon replied cryptically, "Well, I can't rightly say, but I'm sure she stayed real warm, if'n ya catch my drift." I didn't, and he refused to elaborate.
Local police are likewise at a loss.
"Rowling missing, you say?" Sheriff Cartwright inquired, as I stepped into the local police station. "First I've heard of it! Know what they say, bad news travels fast. Fast outside Freehold, we don't never have bad news here, all God-fearin' folk. I'll get the boys on it."
Apparently, nobody had bothered to contact the police when the most famous author to visit in fifty years vanished. Nor can anyone explain why a church known for blasting Rowling's books as heresy would hold a major festival in her honor.
We will keep readers posted on further developments as they come available.
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