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  • Ecofascists' have a new strategy to destroy America!

    We need a counter-strategy to this fiendish plan of theirs. If you ask me, having Wal-Mart trademark all patriotic words would nip this plan in the bud.

    Warning: anti-American site, not for women or those under 25 years of age:



    Conservatives are all about giving names to things, and taking names away from things, and objecting to the names of things; that's why we have enhanced interrogation instead of torture, for example. No Child Left Behind, Healthy Forests -- you get the picture.

    So if we give things the right names, all else will fall into place. Currently, nobody gives two twigs over the fate of the endangered northern spotted owl. It has the unfortunate habit of nesting in some prime timberlands (of which there is increasingly little, these days); that is enough to declare it an excess species, one of those nagging, irrelevant categories of animals that nobody would really miss, at least not as long as they were getting Pacific coast lumber at the lowest possible clearcut price. But would it be so easy, if it were named the Ronald Reagan spotted owl? Somehow, I think finding one of those dead in the chimney would cause a conservative far more sorrow, and the notion of wiping the Ronald Reagan owl from the face of the earth -- now, that would require much more thought.

    Similarly, gray wolves reintroduced around Yellowstone (where they had been extinct for a half century) are having a difficult time...But what if they were not gray wolves, but Freedom wolves? Would it be so easy to shoot a Freedom wolf in the face, or poison a Freedom wolf with tainted bait? I think not. It would be practically unpatriotic: it would be something al Qaeda would do to our wolves, not a fine, upstanding conservative.

    The desert tortoise? A bother, and a hinderance to the proper development of our southwestern suburbs. But a Patriot tortoise -- do not dare lay a finger on it! The endangered mollusks of Alabama would fare much better if given the names of past or contemporary conservative heros: the Roy Moore combshell has a fairly inspired ring to it, for example. Imagine the national outcry if the Atwater's greater liberty bird was about to vanish from the countryside, or if the Nixon thistle was being outcompeted in its environment by wayward, invasive immigrant plants from Other! Countries!. How much more cautious would Floridian boaters be, if they ran the risk of slicing the back of a Joseph R. McCarthatee to ribbons in their propeller blades, and how much more money would be donated to nurse the injured but lovable McCarthatees back to health?

    You may doubt the plan, but I am confident it would work. The bald eagle was saved from the brink of extinction and is now in steady recovery simply because it was for two hundred years the symbol of our nation; the effort was taken for that species, and not for others, because it would have been profoundly embarrassing if we let the bird stamped on our money go extinct. Ponder that, for a moment: if Ben Franklin's turkey had become our national bird, turkeys would be on our coins, but the bald eagle would at this point have ceased to exist.

    Consider product placement opportunities as well. How much would Anheuser-Busch spend to keep the Budweiser falcon from becoming extinct...

    My own county, in northern California, is well and truly overwhelmed by invasive starthistle. It has sharp spines and spreads like wildfire: if we rename it Muslimweed, we may be able to enlist federal support in battling it. Hitlerbeetles; the Woolly Ahmadinejad; partialbirthabortovine... with a little inventiveness, the list could go on and on...

    It would be a new world. From the forests of mighty Jesus trees to the George W. Bush Memorial Icecap, our planet would suddenly have a fighting chance.
    Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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  • #2
    Re: Ecofascists' have new strategy to destroy America!

    It's a shame that these communists abuse the words "freedom" and "patriot"; they must not know their true meaning.
    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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    • #3
      Re: Ecofascists' have new strategy to destroy America!

      Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
      It's a shame that these communists abuse the words "freedom" and "patriot"; they must not know their true meaning.
      Liberals think that a "patriot" is someone who starts a brawl on St. Patrick's day, and "freedom" means they don't have to pay to be whipped by those leather-clad harlots they like so much.

      You know, I'm pretty funny, maybe I should do stand-up...
      Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
      Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
      Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!

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      • #4
        Re: Ecofascists' have new strategy to destroy America!

        Originally posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
        Liberals think that a "patriot" is someone who starts a brawl on St. Patrick's day, and "freedom" means they don't have to pay to be whipped by those leather-clad harlots they like so much.

        You know, I'm pretty funny, maybe I should do stand-up...
        That's true Jeb, You have a terrific sense of humor. It really is quite funny how you point out stupid and evil the loser on the left are while they destroy America.

        Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

        Hot Must ReadThreads!


        Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

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        • #5
          Re: Ecofascists' have a new strategy to destroy America!

          The fires burning Russia, the floods drowning Pakistan, the mudslides burying China, the tornadoes in Canada, the locust swarms in Australia, the record glacial melts and the record temperatures have NOTHING to do with any sort of so-called "man-made climate change." They are all a result of God's loving wrath for blasphemous and immoral behavior.

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          • #6
            Re: Ecofascists' have a new strategy to destroy America!

            Originally posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
            The fires burning Russia, the floods drowning Pakistan, the mudslides burying China, the tornadoes in Canada, the locust swarms in Australia, the record glacial melts and the record temperatures have NOTHING to do with any sort of so-called "man-made climate change." They are all a result of God's loving wrath for blasphemous and immoral behavior.
            It has always amazed me that the tree huggers would purposely cut down trees in order to count their rings just to look for signs of "Global Warming". It reminds me of those dowsing hoaxes – but then we spend millions on so called computer "models" that always seem to show that mankind is responsible for … you guessed it, more "Global Warming". When confronted with a dizzying array of complex explanations for things, scientists like to say that the simplest one is always the best; they call it "Occam's Razor". Well, the "simplest" explanation is always the Bible (KJV1611).

            The Dust Bowl Drought in the 1930's

            Al Gore wasn't even born yet, but God sent the Dust Bowl drought in the 1930's that sent millions of people fleeing His wrath for electing the socialist Roosevelt.

            Fires burning Russia

            When the communist arsonists light fires it's bound to get hot over there, but it's just a prelude to the hell that all socialists will face one day.

            Floods drowning Pakistan

            God has had a love of floods since the early days of the Old Testament, and it couldn't be a more fitting punishment for some allah moon worshiping mooselimbs that still won't turn over Osama bin Laden.

            Mudslides burying China

            Lead paint on children's toys, melamine in powdered milk and pet food – Jesus has chosen wisely. Those jobs the chinks stole will return to revitalize the American economy.

            Tornadoes in Canada

            They mock God, hate Americans, still worship some queen, and make Sarah Palin talk funny – what's there to like about Canada.

            Locust swarms in Australia

            Locusts are one of the more Biblical punishments, and couldn't happen to a more deserving nation of descendents of criminals.
            Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
            brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
            ...and get off my lawn
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