[Talitha]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

You know Sister, that makes me go all funny inside just thinking about how that good Woman has found God and is prepared to take on all His tests.

I can only think that Cody hated God so much that God had no choice.
Reminds me of the story of little Andrew.....

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Speaking of God testing good True Christian™ folk... PRAISE! I'm sure you all have heard of Sister Bertha Johnston, right? To jog your memories, she is the woman whose oldest son, David, committed suicide last September at the age of 17, just two years after the rest of the family was Saved and moved to Freehold (if they were only Saved while he was much younger, he would have been raised in the Lord and would likely still be alive today). Well, she is pleased as punch to report that God is testing her even more and her faith is unwaivering! She has just found out that her youngest son, Cody (4), has been given leukemia by our Lord, and instead of blubbering and sobbing and asking God why, she has been praying to Him and letting Him know she knows He has done this for a reason and if that reason is good enough for Him, it's good enough for her!
Sister Bertha said in her e-mail to me, "God never gives you more than you can handle, and thanks to His grace, I've been able to handle this all very well. I feel very blessed that He has chosen to test me like this, and I am very thankful to everyone in the congregation who is praying for me right now."
PRAISE!

Thanks for sharing! Nothing gets me hotter under the collar than people who seek medical treatment for these illnesses! By faith, we can lay hands on them, form anti-cancer prayer groups and such. I know one such gent in my church who got splashed on his testicles with holy water while touring a Cathlick church, and he got cancer on the very spot, but by leaning on Christ through prayer (and convincing him to give up his accu-chink pins and Beelzedrugs and give it to GOD!) we kept him alive for many days! The LOrd finally got jealous and smited him, but He works in mysterious ways!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

I can only think that Cody hated God so much that God had no choice.

You know, Sister Talitha, I thought the exact same thing at first too, but it's quite the opposite! Sister Bertha says that little Cody loves Jesus more than ever, and he is ecstatic that the Lord is using his frail body to test his mommy! He said that if Jesus decides to kill him, he will wait for his mommy in Heaven and will be sure to wave to his brother down in Hell and try to throw him snacks. Isn't that just adorable?

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

I'm sure that if Jesus drove a vehicle, it would be one that was more environmentally friendly.

Like a Camel.

[Talitha]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Jesus would drive something BIG and AMERICAN

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Like a Camel.

LOL! Now that yoou mention it, he did ride into Jeruslem on a colt. Seems like he WOULD prefer some sort of livestock as opposed to an internal combustion engine.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

If you'll all kindly allow me, I have a little praise from my own life today!
As many of you are aware, the owner of my favorite chastity belt store, SAVED!... For Marriage, Brother William Renfrew, has retired and is moving to Florida to preach to the catlicks and joos who infest the state (and people wonder why God smites it with hurricanes so often).
Well, my husband, Mr. Whitford, has been wanting to diversify his holdings and would like to keep this fine store in business, so he purchased it and the sale became final today! PRAISE!
The fine customer service will continue to excel. Everyone who walks through the entrance will be witnessed to, and the matronly Doris will be staying on to fit and lock all chastity belts, and all keys will still be given directly to the ranking male authority figure.
My husband, Mr. Whitford, is even going to expand the stock to not just new brands of chastity belt, but to other marriage-related products as well. The first item he's bringing in are custom rods, measured to the thickness of the husband's thumb. At first they will only be available in oak, birch, and pine (my favorite, as it stings like the dickens and raises very red welts, but leaves very little in the way of bruising).
As if this wasn't enough to sing praises to Jesus, there is more. My husband, Mr. Joseph Whitford, has given me permission to make an offer to the fine True Christians of this board. To celebrate this change in ownership, everything is going to be on sale at 20% off. But if you mention this post, you will get an additional 10% deduction on anything in the store! PRAISE!
So next time you're at the Landover Christian Mall, please drop by and check the store out. I won't be there, of course, as I'm forbidden to work, but say hello to Doris!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

If ...Well, my husband, Mr. Whitford, has been wanting to diversify his holdings and would like to keep this fine store in business, so he purchased it and the sale became final today! PRAISE!
...My husband, Mr. Whitford, ...
...My husband, Mr. Joseph Whitford...

Just out of curiosity, why do you refer to your husband as "Mr." as though you were a child addressing an adult? Does he refer to you as "Mrs. Whitford?"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Just out of curiosity, why do you refer to your husband as "Mr." as though you were a child addressing an adult? Does he refer to you as "Mrs. Whitford?"

Of course she's Mrs. Whitford. Do you think we True Christians allow our women to use that feminazi crap "Ms."?

She is Mrs. Joseph Whitford. What's wrong with that?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Of course she's Mrs. Whitford. Do you think we True Christians allow our women to use that feminazi crap "Ms."?

She is Mrs. Joseph Whitford. What's wrong with that?

I was just curious as to why married people wouldn't be on a first name basis.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

I was just curious as to why married people wouldn't be on a first name basis.

His first name is Joseph, what's wrong with that? She's Mrs. Joseph.

You feminazis just whine all the live long day, don't you?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

His first name is Joseph, what's wrong with that? She's Mrs. Joseph.

You feminazis just whine all the live long day, don't you?

You know exactly what I meant, and you're being deliberately obtuse.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

Just out of curiosity, why do you refer to your husband as "Mr." as though you were a child addressing an adult? Does he refer to you as "Mrs. Whitford?"

I call my husband Mr. Whitford because that's his name, and I respect him and he is the head of the household. When he introduces me to people, he refers to me as Mrs. Whitford, but around the house he calls me Mary.
The man is the head of the woman, and Jesus is the head of the man. You don't think he goes around referring to the Lord as "J.C.", do you? No, he uses His proper name out of respect!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

I call my husband Mr. Whitford because that's his name, and I respect him and he is the head of the household. When he introduces me to people, he refers to me as Mrs. Whitford, but around the house he calls me Mary.
The man is the head of the woman, and Jesus is the head of the man. You don't think he goes around referring to the Lord as "J.C.", do you? No, he uses His proper name out of respect!

When my husband and I introduce each other to people, we do so with first names. I say "This is my husband Bob." He says "This is my wife Lynn."
So around the house do you call him Joe?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Sister M&M's Praise Report

When my husband and I introduce each other to people, we do so with first names. I say "This is my husband Bob." He says "This is my wife Lynn."
So around the house do you call him Joe?

Certainly not! I call him Mr. Whitford and sir! It's called respect and I respect my husband and submit to him joyfully!