Ask a Pastor

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Fellow Pastors:

I'm sure that, like me, you often get bizarre questions from members of your flock, and have to come up with a response -- often on the fly. Let's share some!

Following the Men's Bible Study last night, one gentleman (who shall remain nameless) asked me, "If you sexually assault a prostitute, is it rape? Or is it shoplifting?"

I looked him square in the eye and firmly replied, "I do NOT sexually assault prostitutes. Do you know what God has to say about bearing false witness?"

[Cursed]

Re: Ask a Pastor

I don't think you can sexually assault a prostitute, can you?

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't see what the problem is, as long as she's not already occupied with a customer. It's not like she's doing anything important.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Ask a Pastor

I'm with Brother Cursed on this one. I mean, since we know all women who become prostitutes do it because they are degenerate sluts who need s*x all the time, how could it be possible for them to be sexually assaulted?

I mean, the Bible even comes right out and says a cooter without a baby already growing inside of it is one of the most insatiable things in the entire world. You just know that hypothetical prostitute in the example was asking for it!

"The horseleach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough: The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough." Proverbs 30:15-16

[PetitionLady]

Re: Ask a Pastor

I'm with Brother Cursed on this one. I mean, since we know all women who become prostitutes do it because they are degenerate sluts who need s*x all the time, how could it be possible for them to be sexually assaulted?

I mean, the Bible even comes right out and says a cooter without a baby already growing inside of it is one of the most insatiable things in the entire world. You just know that hypothetical prostitute in the example was asking for it!

"The horseleach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough: The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough." Proverbs 30:15-16

Good subject and mighty powerful Scripture there, Sister Lycia. Amen!



O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people. Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.
Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD. Psalm 105:1-3

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Er, thank you, ladies.

Ahem.

Fellow Pastors:

I'm sure that, like me, you often get bizarre questions from members of your flock, and have to come up with a response -- often on the fly. Let's share some!

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Er, thank you, ladies.

Ahem.

Oh NO!!

I can't believe that, in my haste to comment on the sinfulness of the harlot, I inadvertently may have presented myself as not only the equal of a True Christian(tm) man, but a pastor at that!

To Rev. Rodimer and all other pastors here, please accept my sincerest apologies. My natural empty-headedness caused me to reply without realizing the grievous offense I'd be committing by doing so, but I realize that is no excuse.

I'm off to the prayer closet now, but I'll just leave this scripture here in case any other women make the same, horrid mistake I did.

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." 1 Timothy 2:11-12

Punishing herself as per 1 Corinthians 9:27,

Lycia

[Living_Water]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Yesterday I was standing in a grocery store line when the man in front of me was talking loudly to his cell phone.
Suddenly he exclaimed: "My God! How much did you pay that plummer to fix your pipes?!"

I was really set back by that comment. Afterall someone might think the man was talking to me!

By instinct I shouted: "I'm not letting any plummers near my pipes!", and ran away.

Do you think I could've handled the situation better? This has been bothering me since then.


My apologies if I've rudely posted on the wrong thread since I'm not a pastor. But I'm really troubled by that event and I'm looking for some advice to soothe my mind and soul.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Great topic, Rev. Rodimer! I, myself, have had to field some strange questions from bewildered parishioners. Several years back, there was a nice young Christian lady to came to me for advice regarding getting pregnant by her husband. Now, I know the importance of sheltering our children from the outside world, but even by my Christian standards, this was going too far.

(Forgive the explicit language...)

She asked me "Pastor, how come I am not getting pregnant?". I asked her some basic questions to determine what was happening. As it turns out, she was doing the sexual act wrong. She assumed that her husband had to ejaculate inside her belly button (since the baby is in her "tummy"). I had to explain to her that she was using the wrong body part, and that babies do not grow inside the mother's stomach.

Like I said, it's good to shelter our children from the wanton sex that Hollywood shoves down our throats, but not at the expense of keeping them from making Christian soldiers!

[Shimei]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Hello Pastors!

Can someone assist me with a question? In the Bible there in Matthew 12:40 where it is said that for three days and three nights Jesus will be in the heart of the earth, is this not in conflict by being but two nights? That is, from Good Friday night to Easter morning Sunday?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Hello Pastors! Can someone assist me with a question? In the Bible there in Matthew 12:40 where it is said that for three days and three nights Jesus will be in the heart of the earth

Learn to read. Matthew 12:40 is about Jonas not about Jesus. This answers all possible questions about the Bible by the way, just read it! Once you have read all of it, you will have no more questions.

[Alexander Milano]

Re: Ask a Pastor

Learn to read. Matthew 12:40 is about Jonas not about Jesus. This answers all possible questions about the Bible by the way, just read it! Once you have read all of it, you will have no more questions.

Isn't "The Son of man" supposed to be Jesus in that verse?