Homer Pastor Exposed

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Don't worry friends, it's not one of ours. But Rev. Ted was a personal friend to several LBC Pastors, and a regular golfing buddy of Pastor Pistle. Our prayers are with him (Pastor Pistle) during this time of crisis. Rev. Ted is a hellbound sodomite, so our prayers are no longer necessary. He'll be joining ex-brother Mike in the lake of fire where they will both be on their knees servicing every wetback in satan's army.

Evangelical leader Accused of Sodomy

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard stepped down as president of the influential National Association of Evangelicals on Thursday after being accused of carrying on an affair with a homo named Mike.

Haggard also stepped down as head of his 14,000-member New Life Church pending an investigation by a church panel, saying he could "not continue to minister under the cloud created by the accusations."

Haggard, a married father of five, did not return calls seeking comment.

And this just in:

Professional sodomite and hunky boytoy Mike Jones poses for a photographer in downtown Denver. Jones told the Associated Press on Thursday that evangelical leader Rev. Ted Haggard paid him to have sex as many as 36 times over three years.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Don't worry friends, it's not one of ours. But Rev. Ted was a personal friend to several LBC Pastors, and a regular golfing buddy of Pastor Pistle. Our prayers are with him (Pastor Pistle) during this time of crisis.

It's not Pastor Pistle I'm worried about. His grounding in the Word of God will keep him on the straight and narrow. But look at this news item:

Haggard took part in weekly conference calls with President Bush — "he and the president like to joke that the only thing they disagree on is what truck to drive."

Joking about "what truck to drive"?! If that's not homer code for perversity too sick to even imagine, I don't know what is.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Gentlemen, let us not leap to judgment here; first, Ted is a good friend of God's anointed, just like Cheny and Rove (if you know what I mean). Clearly the taint on Rev Ted can not be that bad if Jesus allows Rev Ted that near His anointed. Second; remember Jesus hates the 'catcher', not the 'picture' in these kind of things. Frankly I think that vile male harlot Jones lured Rev Ted in by asking for counseling for Jone's homer illness, then Jone's drugged Rev Ted and then took advantaged of the good pastor in his confused state.

Anyway, we must all remember even if Rev Ted's tallwaycker is not were Jesus would like it, Ted's mouth certianly is. This is clearly a situation were Ted is right, even though he is wrong.

Anyway, what ever it the TRUTH™ it is clear that it is right for Rev Ted to resign and turn the financial management of his church over to Landover Baptist like he did. I personally am sad that for the sake of what is best for Christianity I had to persuade that Jones character into going public.

[SUV]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Pastor Ezekiel, might you explain to us Ladies (who tend to be a bit under-educated) exactly what "Sodomy" is? Isn't this when you turn into a pillar of salt? And, does anyone ever turn into a pillar of pepper?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Gentlemen, let us not leap to judgment here; first, Ted is a good friend of God's anointed, just like Cheney and Rove (if you know what I mean). Clearly the taint on Rev Ted can not be that bad if Jesus allows Rev Ted that near His anointed. Second; remember Jesus hates the 'catcher', not the 'pitcher' in these kind of things.

Brother, I hate to disabuse you, but "Pastor" Ted WAS the 'catcher'. He paid this homer to drive a truck through his back alley for three years and his denial was half-hearted and faked. I am SOOOOOO sorry for his wife and children who will be tainted the rest of their lives and will probably choose gayness themselves as a lifestyle. SIN BEGETS SIN!

[Larry Lee]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

The Lord was certainly speaking through Brother BJ, when he typed those words. His message of compassion for our Brother Ted has touched my heart. In fact, Brother BJ's words affected me so deeply that I decided to call Brother Ted and offer him my True Christian™ condolences. His phone number is published on his Church's website.

Unfortunately, Brother Ted wasn't available when I called, and so I spoke with Lana. She -- shockingly -- refused to say whether or not she thought Brother Ted was a homosexual, nor would she confirm that he was in her prayers, at this his very darkest hour.

I am not amused. If Brother Ted's own Church won't lift him up in prayer before the Lord, then LBC must step in and fill the breech. I hope that all True Christians™ would pray this simple prayer on Brother Ted's behalf, Oh Merciful Father, we pray for our Brother Ted and hope to high heaven that he's not an accursed sodomite, but if he is, dear Lord, we beseech You to fulfill the law given to us in Leviticus 20:13 and put Brother Ted to death. We ask this in Jesus Holy name. Amen.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

AMEN, Brother! AMEN!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Brother, I hate to disabuse you, but "Pastor" Ted WAS the 'catcher'. He paid this homer to drive a truck through his back alley for three years and his denial was half-hearted and faked. I am SOOOOOO sorry for his wife and children who will be tainted the rest of their lives and will probably choose gayness themselves as a lifestyle. SIN BEGETS SIN!

(Sigh) You are right pastor. This bit of information came to my attention

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/haggard_profile

One of Haggard's biggest leaps came when he said he believed global warming was occurring, and that stopping climate change should be an evangelical priority.

His gayness is evident for all to see now. Clearly Haggard's main interest in life is spitting in the loving face of our Savior. Brother Lee is clearly pointing the way here; we must treat Haggard with the Christian compassion that God expects from us as He outlined in Leviticus.

[Deaner]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

49-year-old Denver man said the pastor had paid him to have sex monthly over the past three years.

Sodomy every month for three years? That's disgusting. Let's hope if this guy ever sat down in Pastor Pistle's car that somehow there was a sponge on the seat.

Dean

[SUV]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Okay, I've been waiting Patiently - I've been Good.

Pastor Ezekiel, when are we going to get to see this Homer! exposed?!

SUV

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

Pastor Ezekiel, might you explain to us Ladies (who tend to be a bit under-educated) exactly what "Sodomy" is? Isn't this when you turn into a pillar of salt? And, does anyone ever turn into a pillar of pepper?

Sweet Sister Sue....There are certain things that we men keep from you women for your own good. You wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway.

Sodomy is so completely revolting to Jesus that He singled it out as an act punishable by death. Something like rape, well that can be fixed up with a few shekels and some smooth talk from a Pastor. But sodomites are so reviled that God gives them no way out of the filthy, messy, stinky road they plow for themselves.

And no, as far as I recall from The Holy Bible, God has never chosen to turn anyone into a pillar of any spice outside of salt.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

::::scratches head:::::::

How do we know the toy boy wasn't just spitting on Pastor Ted's back?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

::::scratches head:::::::

How do we know the toy boy wasn't just spitting on Pastor Ted's back?

Thank you for your charitable Christian attempt to find a spiritual loophole for our fallen former Brother in Christ, Sister Thumper. But you see, Jesus can see through such tricks. He cannot be fooled by mere homer spittle. And to be honest, since ex-Reverend Ted actually paid this sodomite hustler to service him, I'm not sure from a Pastoral perspective that it would even make a difference whether it was demon-infested homer oral juices or demon-infested homer spunk that ended up covering ex-Reverend Ted's naked 50 year old body.

Frankly, I blame the Clintons.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

::::scratches head:::::::

How do we know the toy boy wasn't just spitting on Pastor Ted's back?

It is sufficient to say Pastor Ted really touched bottom on this one.

[SUV]

Re: Homer Pastor Exposed

filthy, messy, stinky

See, I think I get it now! It has somehow to do with Dungbread - and if we women don't salt it enough to make it pleasing to Mens' palates then the Good Lord turns us into pillars of salt? Is it something like that?

Dear God, I am so confused