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  • #1

    To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

    Brother Trump has put Mike Pence in charge. He is praying, the American healthcare system continues to be the envy of the industrialized world, Chinese restaurants are going out of business, people are no longer drinking Corona Beer, problem solved. Just another day of American Greatness.



    The lamestream media needs to talk about the real looming threats that nobody is doing anything to prepare for. I'm talking about, of course, sharknados.

    Of course, we all know about tornados. They are bad enough, but when you consider the increase in fish farming, and the Chinese love for shark-fin soup, and you see where things are going. Libcucks, feeling sorry for the bankruptcy of so many Chinese restaurants, will decide that anyone who doesn't chug sharkfin soup by the gallon is racist. Hipsters, will discover "shark-soup microbrews", which will be the same normal shark-fin soup with a fancier label and tripled price tag.

    So, where to fish-farm all these sharks? Well, "flyoverland" has low real-estate costs, unemployed rust-belters, and people who like fishing and are always up for a challenge.

    So, all the ingredients in the recipe for disaster are here: lakes full of sharks, a distraction in the form of fake-news-onavirus, and more tornadoes as God punishes us for pokemon.

    How to prepare? Well, the same way republicans prepare for everything else. Go to the shooting range. Here's a target, I've already printed up a hundred or so:

    Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 02-29-2020, 07:57 PM.
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    Tags: aids 2: gayer and blacker, animal, boomer remover, coronapanic, coronavirus, fish, flyoverland, hipster, maps, survivalism, tornadoes, world war c
  • #2
    Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

    Well, it's still in the headlines. Let's at least give it a better name. "Coronavirus" is actually an entire class of different viruses. COVID19 is the actual name, but it's not headline worthy.

    We need something catchy, (get it? As in something that will go viral) and, most importantly, something that is obviously beyond Trump's control.

    I propose WORLD WAR V.

    No, not the roman numeral for five, I mean V for Virus.

    Other proposals: The Batmunch Fever, The Clinton Flu, The Obama Flu, or AIDS 2: Gayer and Blacker.
    Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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    • #3
      Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

      I will gladly volunteer to help with sharknado preparation. As a certified equine gnathologist, I believe my expertise will be valuable. I will be soliciting donations for this effort.
      Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
      “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

      Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
      Amen and Amen

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      • #4
        Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

        Originally posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
        Coronavirus...COVID19...The Clinton Flu
        World War C





        Or are we saving that for when the feminists try to take over?
        #forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!

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        • #5
          Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

          World War C it is.


          Originally posted by Sally Paulson View Post

          Or are we saving that for when the feminists try to take over?
          We can call that World War B, or The Whore War.
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          • #6
            Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

            Seeing as this thread has turned into the general brainstorming thread, I have some ideas.

            Thought #1

            I've noticed that toilet paper is a really, really hot commodity all of the sudden. Not sure why - do people think coronavirus will kill all the trees? Are they so backward and barbaric that nobody told them you can buy a bidet for under $300?

            Anyway, I hear that in dictatorships people buy the newspapers to use as toilet paper. And in America, the newspaper business is collapsing. Well, all we have to do is ban toilet paper manufacturing, and the newspaper industry will rebound! Best of all, since hardly anybody will actually read the things, the journalists will be free to write things other than the normal clickbait. Maybe they will just have entire issues of gut-bustingly hilarious Marmaduke cartoons.



            Or they can just type "you had to be there" a zillion times for a similar comedic effect.
            Thought #2: death beats taxes.

            The pandemic has caused tax-filing day to be delayed. Perhaps we could extend that further by...

            ...No, I don't dare go further into this.

            But I will dare say that if, for tax reasons, you held your nose and voted for Trump, now you might want to touch your nose for completely different reasons. Mike Pence is leading the way here.

            Thought #3: Proof for the recovered/immune

            The economic damage can be reduced by giving some sort of proof of immunity to people who have recovered (assume re-infection is proven impossible). A certificate or something difficult to counterfeit. The immune get to ignore quarantine rules etc.

            This will be very annoying for people who got it without noticeable symptoms. No idea how to fix that.
            Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 03-13-2020, 03:24 AM.
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            • #7
              Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

              Originally posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
              World War C it is.
              War is God's way of teaching Americans geography (don't have the chapter and verse on this memorized, sorry) so here is me doing God's work:

              Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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              • #8
                Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness

                Originally posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
                Let's at least give it a better name.

                I propose WORLD WAR V.
                It’s “catching”:

                Plan A for the coronavirus
                https://medium.com/@curtis.yarvin/plan-a-for-the-coronavirus-7db3997490c1
                As everyone can now see, the coronavirus is a test of every government.


                You know you’ve come up with a good name when it’s used by a guy named Moldbug. Or maybe you stay uncertain, idk.
                #forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!

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