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-   -   It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=114785)

DolliMoans 05-21-2018 06:56 PM

It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Of course, they come from different states and have never even met yet. That's no issue for a Godly love match! :)

Genesis 34:9 And make ye marriages with us, and give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.



It was only last week one of the latest promising Forum Members, Ms. Pamela Smith came to me over a distressing concern that often plague flustered moms as we - do our sons have the gay in them?

Poor Pamela, she's been beside herself only blaming herself for her boy Ethan's sticky sin, and she should. Landover has taught us both over and over, often when things go wrong: It's us, the woman's fault! (Genesis 3:12)

With enough prayer, the Lord also guides us to trust in Him to lead the path to righteousness.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
And lean not unto thine own understanding.


So, here I have 10 kids; 4 ladies of various ages, I thought how inventive it would be to kill two lovebirds with one stone; cure little 15 year old Ethan of his gay while he's still growing, and find a suitable husband for one of my older, gangily daughters, Eunice, whose 25 and hanging from spinsterhood by a thread. Now, there may be hope for her yet.


Here is the soon to be happy couple:

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8c335e5...k9glo1_400.jpg
https://orig00.deviantart.net/efae/f...do-dcc5ko8.jpg


I can't wait for Eunice to finally blossom into a comely Christian housewife, to obey her new husband and God, and distract Ethan from his gay demons so he may proke her maidenhead and provide the pittery-patter of Jesus's Soldiers. :wub:https://s31.postimg.cc/s74d33qkb/ner...film-home-.png

Pamela Smith 05-21-2018 08:25 PM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Thank you, Dolli! I'm sure Eunice will be a great housewife, does she know how to cook?

DolliMoans 05-21-2018 08:34 PM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Her cooking is edible. :thumbsup:

BrotherLarry 05-22-2018 06:24 PM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DolliMoans (Post 1233552)
Her cooking is edible. :thumbsup:


Sister Dolli,


To say that your Eunice is a pretty young thing is just not appropriately descriptive. I wish I could come up with the words.
If I were not so deeply into my homer ministry, I might take the plunge myself with such a … well, um... with such a person. However, I must get back on my knees and lead more sinners there with me.


Sorry I couldn't come to your husband's (etc) funeral, but you know, with his not being a True Christian™ and all, it just was below the stature that God has seen fit to reward me with. I know you understand.


BrotherLarry

DolliMoans 05-22-2018 11:36 PM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Hello Brother Larry,

I accept your decline to have visited Mr. Moan's funeral, as I know he had committed stains that couldn't be removed from his hellbound soul. I wouldn't have expected anything more from you. :)

Perhaps, with Pamela's husband's permission, you could be little Ethan's best man? I think it would be very good for him, as any of his dubious queer cohorts would be most inappropriate for a straight, Christian wedding. :D

Pamela Smith 05-23-2018 12:44 AM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DolliMoans (Post 1233619)
Hello Brother Larry,

I accept your decline to have visited Mr. Moan's funeral, as I know he had committed stains that couldn't be removed from his hellbound soul. I wouldn't have expected anything more from you. :)

Perhaps, with Pamela's husband's permission, you could be little Ethan's best man? I think it would be very good for him, as any of his dubious queer cohorts would be most inappropriate for a straight, Christian wedding. :D

What a lovely idea, Dolli ! Most of his friends are queers or some other kind of sinner, so we don't even have anyone for the bestman!

BrotherLarry 01-03-2019 03:38 PM

Re: It must be matrimony: Latest coupling for the Lord!
 
So what has become of Ethan and Eunice? I know you were hopeful that she would blossom into a comely housewife, and I know I implied that it would take the Master Gardener, Jesus Himself, to bring that to reality.


I regret that I can't be considered best man because I just can't see it in the Spirit to participate in a wedding that doesn't involve True Christians™.


Hoping that you still have children alive,
Brother Larry


PS: Is the boy still gay? Until Christ makes the change, the change is not real. You never specifically said why you believe him to be gay. Remember the Word: (Matthew 7:16-23)


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