MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

[WinnerNotSinner]

Guys, I'm really worried about my wife of 3 years. I have my suspicions that she hates our dear Pastor Ezekiel.

In short, I was having sex the other day , and, oh hell, I'll just come out with it, this isn't the main point of the story but I think I have this problem, well annoyance anyway. When I have sex, it always takes me some time to... you know... finish . I'm just trying to get the damn thing over with because I know GOD is hating every minute of it and frankly I'm getting bored out my mind but it can take me up to 6 minutes on really bad days. Anyway, during this time my mind usually wanders innocently to other things... what Bible passages I have read that day, the Pastors of Landover, memories of playing with my father, Christ's body on the cross, dying for my sins etc. One of the most frequent thoughts is that of one of my greatest idols and heroes, Pastor Zeke. A passionate man, I sometimes even shout his name, "Ezekiel!" I cry.

Now I thought nothing of it, I love Ezekiel, everyone does. My wife for some reason keeps bringing the damn thing up, saying she hates that I mention him all the time and have more pictures of him around the house than I have of her - I told her bluntly that when she became an important, powerful and influential pastor of the church then I would get some more pictures of her! Haha!

When I rebuked her, she got pretty angry and tore a picture of another of my idols, James Hutchins, off of the wall .



After slamming her into the fridge-freezer and replacing the picture I hit her the hardest I ever have, and broke her nose, but this only shut her up for a few days (...I should have gone for her jaw). Now she says she hates ME!!

I really need to sort this out Brothers. She's 9 months from bearing another son provided my s**rm reached her e**s, so I don't want to hurt her too badly but it's also important she likes my role models .

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Brother, why don't you join me in my weekend retreat on Phuket for Independence Day? I think I know just how to take your mind off all these problems. We'll bring the Gospel to the heathens and at night I'll have you on your knees Praying your blues away!

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Brother, why don't you join me in my weekend retreat on Phuket for Independence Day? I think I know just how to take your mind off all these problems. We'll bring the Gospel to the heathens and at night I'll have you on your knees Praying your blues away!

Try and stop me! That sounds delightful!

I was planning on heading over to my wife's mum's for the weekend since it's her 70th birthday, but I'm sure it'll be okay if I pass.

[James Hutchins]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Perhaps she just needs some time to think about things. When my wife became ornery las July, I had her spend the month in her isolated prayer shack.


It will giver time to heal, think and thank Jesus she is alive. Be sure to leave her a jug of water and do not forget she is locked in there. I've heard that happens from time to time.

PS: If my picture was torn, PM me and I'l send you a new one.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Perhaps she just needs some time to think about things. When my wife became ornery las July, I had her spend the month in her isolated prayer shack.

It will giver time to heal, think and thank Jesus she is alive. Be sure to leave her a jug of water and do not forget she is locked in there. I've heard that happens from time to time.

What an excellent idea brother! I presume she really wants some time to reflect on what she's done wrong. I think I'll put her in the basement instead however, as her menstra hut is not as sturdy as it once was (termite infestation I've been meaning to sort out), and the last thing I want is her to escape.

PS: If my picture was torn, PM me and I'l send you a new one.

Thanks but it's okay, I bulk bought.

[James Hutchins]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

I like using an well closed out building due to the warmth of the sun in the summer. Boiling blood purifys the soul. A well designed hut can reach 150 degrees on a good day.

[queer emo fag]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Guys, I'm really worried about my wife of 3 years. I have my suspicions that she hates our dear Pastor Ezekiel.

In short, I was having sex the other day , and, oh hell, I'll just come out with it, this isn't the main point of the story but I think I have this problem, well annoyance anyway. When I have sex, it always takes me some time to... you know... finish . I'm just trying to get the damn thing over with because I know GOD is hating every minute of it and frankly I'm getting bored out my mind but it can take me up to 6 minutes on really bad days. Anyway, during this time my mind usually wanders innocently to other things... what Bible passages I have read that day, the Pastors of Landover, memories of playing with my father, Christ's body on the cross, dying for my sins etc. One of the most frequent thoughts is that of one of my greatest idols and heroes, Pastor Zeke. A passionate man, I sometimes even shout his name, "Ezekiel!" I cry.

Now I thought nothing of it, I love Ezekiel, everyone does. My wife for some reason keeps bringing the damn thing up, saying she hates that I mention him all the time and have more pictures of him around the house than I have of her - I told her bluntly that when she became an important, powerful and influential pastor of the church then I would get some more pictures of her! Haha!

When I rebuked her, she got pretty angry and tore a picture of another of my idols, James Hutchins, off of the wall .



After slamming her into the fridge-freezer and replacing the picture I hit her the hardest I ever have, and broke her nose, but this only shut her up for a few days (...I should have gone for her jaw). Now she says she hates ME!!

I really need to sort this out Brothers. She's 9 months from bearing another son provided my s**rm reached her e**s, so I don't want to hurt her too badly but it's also important she likes my role models .

OH MY GOD! you sound like a f**king terrible person! wife beater! lol and not that it's a bad thing, but you sound pretty damn gay too. no offense, but no straight guy keeps up pictures of ripped AND shirtless bald guys around their house.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

OH MY GOD! you sound like a f**king terrible person! wife beater! lol and not that it's a bad thing

I'm glad you realise it's not a bad thing, I'll run my house how I want; and that is the way GOD wants me to. When she steps out of line, I always refer to these scriptures:
Proverbs 20:30
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so [do] stripes the inward parts of the belly.
Proverbs 26:3
A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back.
Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

pretty damn gay too. no offense, but no straight guy keeps up pictures of ripped AND shirtless bald guys around their house.

How can I be gay if I am a Christian? GOD hates gays.

[James Hutchins]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

OH MY GOD! you sound like a f**king terrible person! wife beater! lol and not that it's a bad thing, but you sound pretty damn gay too. no offense, but no straight guy keeps up pictures of ripped AND shirtless bald guys around their house.

Thanks for the compliments.

I am 6'6" tall and taut 250 pounds. I can still bench 350 and squat 800. Not bad for a 54 year old man.

[Peter Hofstadder]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Thanks for the compliments.

I am 6'6" tall and taut 250 pounds. I can still bench 350 and squat 800. Not bad for a 54 year old man.

Except the fact that picture looks so fake.

[James Hutchins]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

Except the fact that picture looks so fake.

Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

Son, jealousy does not become you. You know, you too could have a body like mine, just five minutes a day is all it takes.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

I've had James round my house before for a G.A.P.E group meeting, and after the incredibly graphic sickening nature of the videos observed, this included some recovery time in the Jacuzzi. I can vouch for the authenticity of James' impressive upper body.

[James Hutchins]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

WSN, have you considered applying your Rod to your wife in a rhythmic motion. I know it is not a pleasant thing to do (I have met you wife more than one, you are a saint) but Gods work is rarely pretty. A man has to do what a man has to do even if it displeases him.

[WinnerNotSinner]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

WSN, have you considered applying your Rod to your wife in a rhythmic motion. I know it is not a pleasant thing to do (I have met you wife more than one, you are a saint) but Gods work is rarely pretty. A man has to do what a man has to do even if it displeases him.

That's an interesting thought, usually I just try and smash her as hard and fast as possible, just to get it over with, but maybe more rhythmic beatings could be more effective in the long run. I'll try it after I let her out of the basement in a fortnights time.

[New Creation (Recalcitrant)]

Re: MY WIFE HATES ZEKE, ME and JAMES

This is a fascinating conversation guys. I'm taking notes.

I'd love to join you all for a G.A.P.E. meeting but sadly I'm not in Freehold, yet, Lord willing.

Does G.A.P.E. have chapters in other states? I can see how a group of passionate men dedicated to stamping out pornography would easily grow until it had to expand into other areas.